To think he should be able to eat with us?

[NewtoHolland]

My 'D'H has some general weirdness about food which I don't really understand, so this could be me being insensitive. He regularly wont ear meals with us, not sitting down with is at all, and often only sits at the table for fove minutes before going off to do his own stuff.

A couple of times over the last month I've felt really rejected by him not eating with us as a family. Usually I feed the kids before he gets in if I'm the one home as he tend's to be a bit of a stresshead at the dinner table. I think he finds things like eating noises/ spilled drinks much more infuriating than I do and will often sit there wincing and hitting which doesn't make for the most relaxed atmosphere..anyway my daughter is enjoying cooking more and wanted to make him a treat as her started back in the office, we went and brought ingredients and she cooled meat (big deal for her as she's an almost vegan) and she was excited to show him the pie she made for him (his fave flavour). She's infant school age. He wouldn't even try a mouthful that evening. Then this evening I made a full roast, did it all as he would like it, made his favourite veggies..He wouldn't even sit with us at the table. It just makes me feel really shit.

If we go round to friends/family to eat he is happy and relaxed at their dinner tables.

I tried to talk to him about it as it's something I've only ever known him and his brother to do regularly (have their own meals, not share family meals with their wives or children).

Even if he didn't eat just sitting at the table and chatting with a drink would feel a but more friendly/ family vibes.

So my AIBU is

YABU - it's totally standard not to share family or couple meal times.

YANBU- it is out of the ordinary that he won't share family meal times/ sit with you.

[SBTLove]

sit there wincing and hitting
hitting?? have you asked what the issue is?
he’s fine at other people’s tables but not yours?

[PuntasticUsername]

I can't see voting buttons but YANBU, that's proper weird.

[NewtoHolland]

Sorry my typing is horrendous this evening, not hitting, tutting!

[Shizzlestix]

Given that he happily eats at friends’ houses, I’d be querying his behaviour at home. Is it the stress of the dc making noises/being messy? He needs to man up if so.

[Casmama]

YANBU - sounds like he is being a self centred prick to be honest.
To not even taste something that your preschool daughter has helped make is pathetic.
If it was a real issue I don't see how it would miraculously disappear at others houses so I would have very little sympathy.

[Porcupineinwaiting]

I was going to ask if he had misophonia but I guess not if he's happy to eat with friends. So he actually just sounds rude.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Thats because he's putting on an act for other people.
Why do you bother making him anything to eat at all?

[NewtoHolland]

I have asked what the issue is loads of times and tried to get my head round it..He just says things like 'I don't want to eat it, 'I have stuff to do!'

[NewtoHolland]

I think he does struggle with the noise yes, but he is able to completely relax about it when others are there so it's a shame that when it's just us he can't.

[CorianderLord]

This would drive me mad. Your poor little DD. Did you ask why he wouldn't try the pie?

I'd quite honestly find this unacceptable. Especially his Refusal to discuss it. If he talked about it I might accept it more if he gave reasons but as is he's opting out of family life.

[PurpleDaisies]

It sounds like an actual issue with eating rather than him just being an arse.

[NewtoHolland]

Yeah I was so mad about the pie, he gave an excuse that he had football training but left it untouched..I gave him a portion for a work lunch, I dont know of he ate it, the rest just stayed untouched in the fridge (it was really nice! I tried some and told out daughter how fab it was).

This just isn't how I pictured family life tbh.

[PurpleDaisies]

@NewtoHolland

I think he does struggle with the noise yes, but he is able to completely relax about it when others are there so it's a shame that when it's just us he can't.

It’s more likely he’s not at all relaxed and he’s masking his discomfort with other people and can only show his real feelings at home.

[NewtoHolland]

That could be true Purpledaisies. I do want to understand and help if it is something like that.

[howmanyroads]

I have misphonia so I need there to be background noise if I'm eating with family. With friends for some reason it doesn't affect me as badly, could be the same for him?

[howmanyroads]

If it is misphonia then having the radio/TV on while you eat might help?

[howmanyroads]

*misophonia

[BloggersBlog]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Thats because he's putting on an act for other people.
Why do you bother making him anything to eat at all?

This - why do you bother?

[TippledPink]

That's really crap that your DD went to the effort of making the pie and he hasn't eaten any of it (unless he ate the one portion at work). He doesn't sound like he cares about any of you very much.

[ladybee28]

Total detour from the point of the thread but I can't not ask... Your infant school age daughter is an almost vegan who's cooking meat pies?

[sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]

TBH, sounds like disordered eating to me. I can force a meal down 'in company' as it were, but I can't sit down and eat at home. And the more the DC comment on it 'oh Mum! You're actually eating!' the more I avoid eating in front of them. Does that sound familiar OP? Not trying to make excuses for him, but I really do struggle to eat unless I'm in a situation where to do so would be rude to a host.

I do appreciate how horrible it must be for you & your DC though. Just wondering if that might be a reason for it?

[iloveruby]

Giving him the benefit he may have genuine issues about food, eating in front of others etc however, the real problem is that he isn't dealing with it despite it having a negative impact on his family.

[NewtoHolland]

Ok maybe I should try the background noise and see if it helps..although today the tv was on as the kids had hidden the zappwr so I couldn't turn it off 🙈.

I don't know why I bother. I guess it's just a thing I'd love to happen, for us all to enjoy some.meals together.

[UserABCDE12345]

Clearly there is an issue with him and food, more than the standard MN reply of 'man=twat'. This isn't entirely normal behaviour so he clearly has issues around this. How about trying to understand and accept it rather than force it. You have clearly been with him for years so not sure why it's a big deal now.

[UserABCDE12345]

@ladybee28

Total detour from the point of the thread but I can't not ask... Your infant school age daughter is an almost vegan who's cooking meat pies?

Yeah. I thought this too.