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Am I normal?

(77 Posts)
gingerlace Tue 29-Sep-20 21:10:18

Wasn't sure where to post this so decided to do it here for traffic..

I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me as I don't feel any strong feelings/emotions and don't seem to be like others.

I never worry, get stressed or anxious.. I have the attitude if I can't change it then there's no point stressing and if I can change then it'll be fixed and all be alright.

I was discussing my job with a family member the other week (I work with traumatised children) and they asked how I coped, my mum chipped in and said because she doesn't have a heart that's how. And I've had similar comments before. I'm not nasty or horrible.. I'll go out my way to help anyone but things don't phase me. I don't lie awake at night because of the things I hear in my job no matter how horrendous they may be. My goal is to be the adult that child can trust and help them to turn their lives around.. if I do that great, If I can't then I done my best you can't help everyone. I get given the worst cases at work.. I can literally take any amount of verbal or physical abuse they throw at me and it never bothers me at all, even people I work with question how I manage it.. it never stirs any kind of emotion in me.

Recently me and my sister experienced a really traumatic event.. my sister is really struggling having nightmares and having counselling to cope.. It hasn't effected me.. I feel like it's over and I've moved on and I know people say that it can be delayed but I had a traumatic experience as a teen and that never phased me either.

I don't have strong emotional connections to people. I'm married but I can't say that Im overwhelmed with love for my husband or ever have been.. I enjoy his company. We get on amazingly and have a nice life, I support him fully and I'm protective of him.. but if he walked out on me tomorrow I don't think I'd bat an eyelid.. same with family I'm really close to my family and I see them a lot and get on well but not seeing people for months during lockdown didn't bother me at all.. whereas I had my mum and sister crying down the phone daily.

However on the flip side I have 2 boys and I love them intensely.. I'm affectionate and spend every minute I have with them.. my husband said I'm like a completely different person with them than with anyone else. I never hug or kiss anyone and I hate it when people try and hug me.. my husband is the exception.. but I had to learn to be that way with him, it didn't come naturally. The only time I feel any upset/sadness/strong emotions is with/for them.. up until they were born (oldest is 2.5) I can honestly say I had never felt any of the emotions I've felt towards them.

Is this completely abnormal.. or are others similar to me.. I only ask because I'm always told I'm not normal.. no ones ever said don't worry I get you..

OP’s posts: |
katy1213 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:17:53

That was a horrible comment from your mum. Of course you have to distance yourself in a job like that; it wouldn't help anyone if you came home weeping and traumatised, too.
For what it's worth, I think you sound calm and restful. I'd far sooner be with someone cool and detached than the drama llamas.
It sounds like you love the people who matter. And have more patience with your mother and sister than I'd have!

vincettenoir Tue 29-Sep-20 21:21:16

From your description you are not typical emotionally. But I would guess you may well be on the range of what is considered normal. Either you have a habit of tuning out of your emotions or you are very emotionally resilient. But both are probably fairly common. But I don’t think it’s bad to consider these issues a bit because most people could benefit from self reflection.

Puddlepop Tue 29-Sep-20 21:53:21

You sound like you can handle most situations and problems in a calm and calculated manner. You sound absolutely dependable and stable which is what those children need, so I think you are well suited to your choice of work. I don’t think there is a need to be overly effusive and have emotions on display all the time- I find that quite noisy to be honest.

Your feelings towards your children show that you are perfectly capable of genuine love. I am guessing that the people who gravitate towards you usually have some emotional baggage of their own, which you can help with in a logical manner? I’d be very glad to have someone like you as a friend. I think you are on the normal distribution curve. Unless you’re trying to get into reality tv, there’s no need to change your level of drama.

sst1234 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:56:17

Good job OP, lots would love to have your composure.

eurochick Tue 29-Sep-20 21:56:16

I'm similar. I rarely cry or get upset about things. I'm not a hugger (with anyone except my child). I'm just not a particularly emotional person.

DamnShesaSexyChick Tue 29-Sep-20 21:56:25

Are you one of those posters who are hoping to be labelled a sociopath?

DrDetriment Tue 29-Sep-20 22:04:53

Yes it's abnormal and you may or may not wish to pursue a diagnosis. But if it isn't impacting you or most importantly those close to you, do you really need to?

CitizenFame Tue 29-Sep-20 22:13:04

That’s a rather long and in-depth OP posted online for strangers to read about an offhand comment made to someone that just brushes off feelings and emotions. I would have thought someone that was unbothered by such things wouldn’t have even remembered the comment made, let alone go into such detail about it.

user127819 Tue 29-Sep-20 22:15:17

It's not the norm but that doesn't mean you're abnormal in a pathological sense. I expect that kind of emotional detachment must be quite a bonus in your job, and in many jobs.

Happyspud Tue 29-Sep-20 22:18:05

Sounds like you have some very useful characteristics. Isn't it great how different we all are.

sandieshaw Tue 29-Sep-20 22:19:10

You sound a bit like me OP. I'm not an overly emotional person and don't really come from an "emotionally open" kind of family.

I very rarely get stressed, for similar reasons as you've stated. My job isn't as distressing as yours but it's full on and requires big and expensive decisions and it's not one where mistakes can get rectified easily.

I'd say I do get upset/anxious/frustrated but nowhere near to the same frequency and to the same extent as my friends do. I just can't see the point in getting so worked up over things!

As @Puddlepop says, you sound like you're within the range of "normal" on the distribution curve. Just perhaps on the other side of the curve to some of the more emotional people amongst us.

Don't let your mum's comments get to you. We're all wired differently. And you clearly care enough about others to help them and to do the job you do. A heartless person wouldn't chose a role that was so focused on helping others.

gingerlace Tue 29-Sep-20 22:48:06

@DamnShesaSexyChick ermmm no, why would I aim to do that?! If I wanted that I'm sure I could of altered my post to encourage that response?!

@CitizenFame I never said I was bothered by the comment it just made me reflect a little and just wonder what others may be like.. doesn't mean I'm bothered or wish to change.. just curious

OP’s posts: |
BubbasMumma Tue 29-Sep-20 22:53:33

@DamnShesaSexyChick there always has to be that one person around here huh hmm

OP, nothing is wrong with you. Your emotions are yours, your feelings are yours. We all feel things differently. In a way, none of us are really normal are we? The love you have for your children is a love like no other! They are the best thing to happen to us smile

Aldilogue Tue 29-Sep-20 22:56:28

I think that you sound like a competent person who handles stress really well and is very well suited to a stressful and distressing job. Who cares what people think of you, you sound content with yourself.
I wouldn’t go looking for problems within yourself because you’ll always find some.
Can I take a leaf out of your book please?

MJMG2015 Tue 29-Sep-20 23:00:37

I don't think you're 'not normal' but you don't have average responses to situations. Though I don't think it's a bad thing.

I'm good in an emergency etc but I'm definitely a 'crier' if there's no Adrenalin to override it.

I just cried when a contestant was eliminated in master chef!

I'm actually quite an emotionally strong person, but I cry very easily these days. It annoys me because I CANNOT control it!

What your mum said wasn't very nice at all

You sound very good at your job & a perfect fit for it.

Notimeforaname Tue 29-Sep-20 23:02:52

I would love to be more like you op. I don't think it's abnormal.

Coffeeandaride Tue 29-Sep-20 23:09:17

I’m not sure about how ‘normal’ you are, there are aspects of how you are that I can relate to. I expect we are all on a spectrum.

What I just wanted to say was I am so glad you do the job you do. You have such strengths and clear thinking, and it sounds like you having your own children hasn’t diminished them.

Yellowcakestand Tue 29-Sep-20 23:09:49

I get similar.
I can just cut people off that annoy me, completely have nothing to do with them again.
I don't hug or kiss my friends or family, only do that with my son.

I work in a secure unit and don't have feelings either way about what I hear. I'm fascinated by it but it doesnt play on my mind, upset me or make me feel any way what so ever about the people there.

I don't miss people if I don't see them for a long time.

I'm to the point and that's just me! I have never thought it not 'normal'.

fallfallfall Tue 29-Sep-20 23:12:55

yup i'm like this as well. i just don't get some people and their reactions.
i have a few close friends like this, so your definitely not alone.

Berlioz23 Tue 29-Sep-20 23:15:36

Nope, very normal, it seems to me you’re just very mentally stable. You feel an intense love for your children, that’s a strong emotion right there. I think it’s totally normal and a lot of people are like this, I think people react more emotionally than they are a lot of the time because it’s expected especially from women.

RoseGoldNails Tue 29-Sep-20 23:20:12

With a job like that you have to emotionally detach yourself from the situation. Or you’d have a breakdown. It sounds like you’re very laid back and don’t dwell on things that upset you. It’s obvious that you have a heart because you want to help people and are affectionate with your DC. What was your relationship with your parents like? That can affect your interactions and relationships as an adult.

Clearthinking Tue 29-Sep-20 23:22:02

I would love to be like you! Or know you! Sound very normal and grounded, you just don't let anything get to you which is bloody brilliant!!! It's a skill x

RelaisBlu Tue 29-Sep-20 23:22:53

I think your composure is an asset in your line of work and if you "didn't have a heart" as your mother said, you would never have chosen to work with traumatised children in the first place.

And you obviously love your little boys enormously.

I don't find "normal" a particularly useful word

TroysMammy Tue 29-Sep-20 23:25:25

You also sound like me. When I separated from my husband after 13 years of marriage and then after a 8 year relationship with someone else I just said "this isn't working anymore, let's call it a day". No emotion from me or drama. I don't like hugs and kisses and I don't think I've ever been in love. If I found myself suddenly single again it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I don't cry and if I have any short term stress or worry it manifests in an upset stomach.

My DM has also said in the past that I don't have a heart and that was when I asked her why she was crying when Scott and Charlene were getting married in Neighbours and when Lassie was lost - again.

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