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Why has he left

(74 Posts)
mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 20:41:12

My boyfriend of nearly 4 years has left me.
He's giving me all types of excuses but nothing solid all of which can be fixed. There are a million things but I'm so broken I can't imagine my life without him we have 2 children. We bought a house in march. I cant accept its over.

OP’s posts: |
nimbuscloud Tue 29-Sep-20 20:46:25

That’s so hard
What reasons is he giving you?
Will he consider to financially support his children?

nimbuscloud Tue 29-Sep-20 20:46:56

Presumably you will be able to stay in the house?

HEYAhhhhhhhhh Tue 29-Sep-20 20:53:14

I'm so sorry Op. Is he suffering from depression or anything?

Are your children quite young? Perhaps all too much, too soon? Hopefully you can work it out. flowers

Shakespearsister Tue 29-Sep-20 21:01:12

Oh my days, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Have you got family who can help ?.

mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:25:34

The reasons are he thinks I'm not happy.. I am I just wish we spent more time together he works alot of hours. He's his own boss so he can pick and choose when he wants to work he hasn't cut down hours to spend family time even though he said he would. I'm Moving out with the children , I can't afford the house alone. I don't want to go I want us to work things out. But every ime I give him a solution for one issue. It's another. One is he wants to go on lots of nice holidays and when I go from part time employment to full I'll only get so many holiday days so we won't be able to go all the time.
I know these are not valid reasons I've asked him if there's someone else he says not. He says he will never fall in love again he doesn't want to he thinks we will both be happier apart and I won't. I love him, all Ive done is cry I haven't eaten a single thing for 6 days, I'm surviving on Coffe, tea and cigarettes. I'm flitting between fuck you then and devastation I'm a mess. I'm holding it together when the children are around but I keep finding myself crying into my pillows while there downstairs or crying in the bathroom where they can't see.
I just can't see anything ahead of me. Except pain 😔

OP’s posts: |
mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:28:40

I have wonderful family who are supporting me and are furious with him for hurting me.
Children are 5 and 2.
I think if it's someone else I know who it is and he swears blind it's not anything going on she works for him she's ten years younger than us and I don't trust her.
He is adamant he's not interested but I think she is and I can't get horrible thoughts and images out of my head.

OP’s posts: |
WoobyWoo Tue 29-Sep-20 21:28:41

You poor thing op. No helpful advice for a reconciliation but we have all been devastated by a break up, it’s such an awful feeling. Such a cliche but whatever happens now, things will get easier with time. flowers

OoohTheStatsDontLie Tue 29-Sep-20 21:29:43

He is a shit OP. You have children, you've been together years, and he can't even tell you the truth about why he is leaving? Because you know it's not holidays.

I'm so sorry. Its completely normal to be driven mad asking yourself why. But its him deciding not to tell you which shows, in my opinion, either he just doesn't love you any more and doesn't know how to tell you, or he has got someone else and doesn't want to be the bad guy. Either way he owes you the truth. I'm sorry

mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:31:23

I've never been heartbroken Before 😔 he's the first person Ive ever truly loved.
He was my best friend for 10 years before we became a couple and now I've lost him as both.
I feel utterly worthless and I still want him to come home.
The thought of him not being mine causes me physical pain. Chest pains, weak legs. I feel like I'm going to die. I know that's dramatic but that's how it feels.

OP’s posts: |
VeniceQueen2004 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:31:45

Hang on he's your boyfriend of 4 years but you have a 5yo together? Are the children his?

mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:32:58

I agree 100% I have asked both!
I have said if you want to leave that's fine but at least gice me a valid reason not an excuse.

OP’s posts: |
mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:33:52

One is the other he has raised from being 1

OP’s posts: |
mrssalvatore14 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:35:25

Nice of you to only take the fact that 1 chils isn't his from the post 🙄

OP’s posts: |
Smellbellina Tue 29-Sep-20 21:39:47

Hmm been there OP, it consumed me. I couldn’t believe he didn’t want us/our family to stay together, I was absolutely devastated. I spent years and years trying to be kind and understanding and waiting for him to realise how much he loved me/our family.
He had girlfriends in the meantime but I didn’t have any relationships, I waited for him.
After years of making him a high priority he came back grin
Unfortunately, he’s a cunt. I should have been glad to be shot of him the first time.

Don’t be me.

RabbityMcRabbit Tue 29-Sep-20 21:41:07

The thought of him not being mine causes me physical pain. Chest pains, weak legs. I feel like I'm going to die. I know that's dramatic but that's how it feels.
OP this was me a year ago. My DH left very suddenly with no warning. We had been together 9 years and married for 4. His reason for leaving was concrete - he had decided he wanted kids (we have none of our own, I have 2 from 2 previous marriages and he is quite a bit younger than me and has none). It was so out of the blue, I thought we were happy and I was having those exact same feelings as you. I felt like I could not go on without him. He left on 2nd October last year so it's nearly a year to the day. I have been through a lot of pain and heartache but I have now found peace - a new job, new house and a new man who is wonderful. There is light at the end of the tunnel and there is always hope. Please do DM if you wish flowers

ButterPie1 Tue 29-Sep-20 21:45:17

Couldn't read and not post flowers no advice but here for you OP, sending lots of love xxxx

VodselForDinner Tue 29-Sep-20 21:49:02

Cherche la femme, OP.

slipperywhensparticus Tue 29-Sep-20 21:52:10

Did you pay towards the house? Is it in joint names?

12309845653ghydrvj Tue 29-Sep-20 21:56:32

Oh OP I’m so sorry. Heartbreak is a physical pain, I understand what you’re going through, just remember that this stage of the pain will pass. ❤️❤️❤️

12309845653ghydrvj Tue 29-Sep-20 21:57:28

Keep yourself hydrated, crying dries you out. And when it’s daytiem, get out of the house. Go to a part, somewhere by water, and feed some animals.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit Tue 29-Sep-20 21:58:44

I know that's dramatic but that's how it feels

It's really not. Many of us have been through this physical agony xx ❤

12309845653ghydrvj Tue 29-Sep-20 22:00:23

And don’t be ashamed of crying ❤️ You’re doing amazingly, I wish I could give you a hug.

Find someone to take the kids tomorrow, and spend time with yourself.

Also a big hot bath is the perfect place for tears ❤️

ghostyslovesheets Tue 29-Sep-20 22:01:54

awful awful awful feeling right now OP - been there - 3 kids, 8 year marriage - baby 4 months old - he stated the same - I was unhappy, we where better apart - he was doing it for the good of us all - except he was also shagging his current partner behind my back

It gets better - it really does - I found getting practical stuff sorted helped - start with Tax Credits - let them know you are alone - you may find the payments mean you can pay the mortgage for starters!

Lean on friends and family - you've got this - trust me - be kind to yourself

Ginfordinner Tue 29-Sep-20 22:11:13


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