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to not want his friend to move in

(244 Posts)
cherrybun01 Tue 29-Sep-20 19:25:10

hi all,

being told I'm unfeeling apparently but I really dont think I am, however of course I could be being biased due to previous experience and lack of sleep!

me and dh have a 9 month old. we live in a 2 bed apartment of okay size, with kitchen, 1 bathroom and a front room plus the 2 bedrooms. my partners friend has asked him if he can move in. I have said no for the following reason:

- the room he would occupy is my babys nursery and is going to be my office space when I go back to work soon, temporarily. baby currently sleeps in our room. I wouldnt want a lodger in our babies nursery anyway as all their play things are in there, without the fact it's going to be where all my office things are.

I have been argued that we could put babies things elsewhere and that my office area will only be taking a corner and friend could use the rest of the space

- we lived briefly with this friend before a few years ago when we didnt have a baby and I hated it. became very much a lad house, with fifa constantly and beers and me generally feeling like a third wheel in my own home. so naturally I'm not keen on our family home potentially becoming like this again. feels unfair on me and our baby.

- said friend is an avid weed smoker who last time completely stunk his room out with it. I cannot think of anything worse than this smell being in my babies future room.

- I turned my own brother down for similar reasons some months ago.

I have been told I am unfair, unfeeling and that I am loosing us 200 pound a month he would give us. we dont need the money. his friend wont let it drop, keeps asking dh to try and persuade me. I had hoped no would of been enough but apparently not!


OP’s posts: |
Howlooseisyourgoose Tue 29-Sep-20 19:27:03

YANBU shock

£200 a month is nothing!

Put your foot down.

Your DP sounds like a knob, is he usually so selfish?

MulticolourMophead Tue 29-Sep-20 19:29:12

Those are some very valid reasons. And I certainly wouldn't want weed smoked in our house. Keep saying no.

bigchris Tue 29-Sep-20 19:30:03


Massive problems here though if he can't see it

His friend sounds controlling over him

luzzbightyear Tue 29-Sep-20 19:30:56

Maybe if he wants to live with his mate so much he could move out and leave you in peace. You'll be far better off!

Aquamarine1029 Tue 29-Sep-20 19:31:40

Tell your husband to fuck right off. You have a baby now and this friend living with you is simply not happening. I would be telling your husband that there will be no further discussion about it.

Nightmanagerfan Tue 29-Sep-20 19:31:43

I’m interested to know what your relationship is like meaning that this has even been suggested as a serious proposal.

Put your foot down. There’s no room and you’re not sharing with another adult

nervousnelly8 Tue 29-Sep-20 19:31:48

Um no, YANBU. "No, that doesn't work for me" is the only explanation necessary.

wifflewafflebiscuit Tue 29-Sep-20 19:33:11

Yanbu. If he moved in, I'd move out

bethany39 Tue 29-Sep-20 19:34:52


I’m interested to know what your relationship is like meaning that this has even been suggested as a serious proposal.

Put your foot down. There’s no room and you’re not sharing with another adult

Yes this.

Let alone your DH trying to persuade you once you'd said no.

DPotter Tue 29-Sep-20 19:35:29

No No No on so many levels.

Tell your DH that he shuts this down or you will and it wont be pretty.

In addition to all your perfectly reasonable reasons, I would add the following to your list that £200 a month isn't the market value of house share

WhereamI88 Tue 29-Sep-20 19:36:34

How is this even a discussion? Is your DH fucking 12? Because only a teenager would ever come up with that as a serious proposal. You live in a 2 bed flat with a baby and you need to work from there too. No fucking way and I would be telling DH to get a flat share with his mate if he ever brings it up again.

workhomesleeprepeat Tue 29-Sep-20 19:36:55

I would honestly ask him if he was prepared to get divorced over this. He is so so so so fucking unreasonable!!

I am actually a smoker myself, but there is no way this side of hell I would let some random friend stink out my precious flat for a measly £200 a month!

Your H must honestly be crazy. I am agog that he thinks this is an ok thing to ask if you

thepeopleversuswork Tue 29-Sep-20 19:37:04

Hell no.

What is your DH thinking?

Also what is the friend thinking? If I were a young single bloke there’s no way I would want to move into a two bed flat with a couple with a baby!

NailsNeedDoing Tue 29-Sep-20 19:37:45

Your DH needs to grow some balls and say a proper no to his friend.

RandomMess Tue 29-Sep-20 19:40:19

Sounds like everyone else has refused him and he sees your DH as weak...

saraclara Tue 29-Sep-20 19:41:39

"I turned MY OWN BROTHER down. Why on earth do you think I'm going to let your friend stay?"

I'd ask him who comes first - his friend or his child.

espressoontap Tue 29-Sep-20 19:43:32

My DH wouldn't even entertain this, let alone asking me. What planet is he on?!

Sirzy Tue 29-Sep-20 19:45:30

Not a chance.

If he was in a really tight situation and it was for a very short time with him being willing to help out then maybe but doesn’t sound like that’s the case

cherrybun01 Tue 29-Sep-20 19:51:15

he is very much a people pleaser and does worry what his friends think of him. said friend has been known to take the piss before. he is also friends with my brother in law (dh brother) and has caused problems in his relationship previously by turning up uninvited every evening which is no exaggeration.

friend is really turning it up a notch this time telling my dh he will be homeless etc. even though he has family and other friends who live down here. we are the only ones who have a baby as well

OP’s posts: |
MysteriesOfTheOrganism Tue 29-Sep-20 19:56:03

I was thinking "hell, no" even before I read about the weed smoking. Hell, no - and then some.

WooMaWang Tue 29-Sep-20 19:56:08

Even setting aside all the points made above...

Why would the friend want to pay £200 to live with a married couple with a baby, where he doesn’t even get a private bedroom (because a corner of it is your office space)?

That makes as much sense as your DH trying to persuade you it’s a good idea. Weird all round. It’s obviously not going to work. Any fool can see that.

Letseatgrandma Tue 29-Sep-20 19:59:56

Absolutely not and I would go so far as to at that if your DH wants to live with him, he can move out and they get get a place together. I would actually throw a huge big strop to DH about this.

What’s happening to weed-friend’s current accommodation?

PersonaNonGarter Tue 29-Sep-20 20:00:01

You would be shockingly bad parents to agree to this.

Why does DH want to put this loser before his own child?

Annasgirl Tue 29-Sep-20 20:00:43


As the MN wisdom goes "No is a complete sentence". Tell your DH to grow a pair and tell his friend NO.

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