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Should I ask for contribution to cost - WWYD?

(240 Posts)
bigdecisionstomake Mon 28-Sep-20 07:32:50

Our boiler has died and needs to be replaced. Cost is around £4000 as have decided to change from system boiler to combi.

DP and I live together in my house which I now own outright. I have two young adult DCs, one at Uni who is home for around 4 months of the year and the other who left school last year and is in his first job and currently living at home full time.

DC at Uni obviously doesn’t contribute financially to household while he is at home, working DC does contribute a small amount but I am putting that in a savings account for him as he is saving really hard for a house deposit and I want to be able to give him that money back towards costs/furniture etc...That is obviously my choice.

DP and I earn about the same, his salary is slightly higher but I take home a little more (maybe £250-£300 per month) as I choose to work quite a bit of overtime. I have a small pot of rainy day savings but not enough for the whole amount of the boiler so some will end up on a credit card until I can clear it. DP has similar savings possibly a little more.

I am quite independent financially and don’t like relying on anyone else for money but am aware that sometimes I end up out of pocket because of this. When DP moved in with me around 8 years ago he was originally only contributing a bit towards the food bill. Gradually over time his contribution has increased to 25% of all household costs such as fuel, council tax, water etc... plus a contribution towards food.

I am happy with this although it does sometimes cause problems because he essentially has more disposable income with me and would like more expensive holidays etc... than I can afford. If it is relevant, DP has his own home which he rents out. The rent covers his mortgage so he essentially has no running costs for that house but he has to save a little for repairs and new appliances etc....when needed. the main question. As it is my house should I pay the whole cost of the new boiler, or as we live together and will both be getting the benefit do I treat it as a running cost and ask DP for a 25% contribution.

YABU - pay for it yourself
YANBU - ask for a contribution

OP’s posts: |
bobbiester Mon 28-Sep-20 07:34:34

Of course he should be contributing!!!

Princessposie Mon 28-Sep-20 07:35:59

And he should be contributing equally to house and bills for the home you’re both living in.

You are enabling him to rent his house out and make money from that, through living with you.

TheLittleRedToothbrush Mon 28-Sep-20 07:36:17

You are both the adults, you should go 50 50 . Your children should not be contributing. Imo

thaegumathteth Mon 28-Sep-20 07:37:46

Why on Earth is he only paying 25% in the first place???

Somethingkindaoooo Mon 28-Sep-20 07:40:50

It's your house, you are the owner- pay for your own boiler.

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey Mon 28-Sep-20 07:41:19

If your DP needed a new boiler or central heating system at the home he owns, would you contribute towards it? The answer should tell you whether he should contribute to the cost of the system in your home.

bigdecisionstomake Mon 28-Sep-20 07:41:45

I think my need for financial independence meant that I didn’t want to ask for too great a contribution in case the relationship broke down and I ended up without it after having come to rely on it. The 25% was reached because there were four adults and I was taking responsibility for three of us (me and the DCs) as that was how it was as a single mum.

OP’s posts: |
Byallmeans Mon 28-Sep-20 07:43:02

He should be contributing more to the house hold bills.

bobbiester Mon 28-Sep-20 07:43:24

If your DP needed a new boiler or central heating system at the home he owns, would you contribute towards it? The answer should tell you whether he should contribute to the cost of the system in your home.

Rubbish. She doesn't live in that home enjoying it's warmth.

dontdisturbmenow Mon 28-Sep-20 07:45:00

You opted for an arrangement that means he can't have any claim on either house. That includes any essential repairs. You don't have a mortgage to pay and he has no costs for his house if the rent pays everything, including the tax he must be paying on it.

Would you expect to have to pay towards repair costs of the roof of his property?

You have an arrangement, you can't change it because it suddenly doesn't suit you. He could offer, but if he doesn't, the message is clear that he is sticking up to the arrangement and that's fair enough.

bigdecisionstomake Mon 28-Sep-20 07:45:03

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey No, I wouldn’t contribute to the cost of a new boiler at his house. This is part of the dilemma. I think there is a difference though because I don’t live at his house so don’t get any benefit from his boiler but he benefits from and uses mine every day.

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowqueeen Mon 28-Sep-20 07:46:44

I don’t think he should contribute towards the boiler but I think he should be paying a higher percentage of household bills. I think 40 percent would be fair

Pobblebonk Mon 28-Sep-20 07:51:02

He's presumably had the benefit of the old boiler for 8 years and will continue to have the benefit of the new one. You shouldn't have to ask him, he should be offering half the cost.

SundayAgain Mon 28-Sep-20 07:51:30

I don't think he shouldn't contribute to the boiler as he pretty much is just a lodger. I do however think you would charge home rent. I'm assuming g he just pays bills but as you own outright he pays no rent. If he paid rent you'd be able to afford the boiler.

SPLUGSYMALONE Mon 28-Sep-20 07:51:35

How much would he pay to rent in your local area?

Is he receiving a rental income from his own property?

By paying just 25% of bills etc, he's on a really good deal, he should definitely have some spare cash to help pay for the boiler.

I'm surprised he hasn't offered to pitch in.

scubadive Mon 28-Sep-20 07:51:37

After 8 years, he should be paying more then 25% of the household running costs. I would say at least 1/3.

Boiler costs more tricky as will be contributing to the value if the house but without it no hot water.

I would ask him for 25% boiler costs and say moving forward now it’s 8 years he needs to contribute 1/3 and once DC move out 50%.

If you don’t want to rely on it, put it into a savings account

Anotheronetwo Mon 28-Sep-20 07:52:37

Agree with above- no contribution to the boiler but a higher contribution to the bills would be fair. The boiler is your responsibility because it's your house but he is more than 25% of the household most of the year.

Laaalaaaa Mon 28-Sep-20 07:53:09

The more he contributes, the more problems you could have if things go wrong between you in the future. It’s not always as easy as you read on here when the unmarried partner leaves the home they do not own. A friend of mine split from her partner who moved into her house and when split a few years later was ordered to pay her tens of thousands as it could be proved she had contributed to xyz.

scubadive Mon 28-Sep-20 07:53:15

Also, why doesn’t he treat you to a more expensive holiday if he has more cash since he’s on such a good deal.

Does he only pay 25% of the food even though there are usually only 3 of you there. How does tgat add up?

cochineal7 Mon 28-Sep-20 07:54:07

I agree that your setup as a whole needs readjustment. Paying only 25% of living costs at yours while enjoying 100% of rental income on his own house is not fair. That should be changed. And within that change you can set up a savings account for repairs (like boiler) for your own house. Maybe for this one time as a compensation for his under-contribution the past years, he should contribute but as you agreed to it, you can let it slide.

SimplyRadishing Mon 28-Sep-20 07:54:39


He should be contributing more to the house hold bills.

He is on a stupidly good deal.
You are subbing him massively.
8 years rent free???
he should be contributing to 50% of bills minimum

HollowTalk Mon 28-Sep-20 07:57:30

I think you have a cocklodger on your hands. Put it this way, if you switched houses so you lived with him, would he really charge you 25% of bills and nothing towards running costs?

Hadalifeonce Mon 28-Sep-20 07:57:43

Are there any boiler replacement schemes which you might be able to get financial aid from?

bigdecisionstomake Mon 28-Sep-20 07:59:49

Thanks for all your opinions so far. It seems the majority opinion is that the boiler cost is mine but I ought to be asking for a bit more monthly and perhaps put the extra aside for big replacement costs such as this one.

OP’s posts: |

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