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Am I an awful parent?

(149 Posts)
Randomnamechange26 Sun 27-Sep-20 22:02:27

I know this will probably generate a lot of hate either way, so name change.

I occasionally, smoke a joint or two to help unwind.

I have a physical disability which affects my joints and muscles. I'm a long term smoker from my youth but have dramatically cut back since having my DC.

I see so much 'mummy wine culture' and having a bottle or a few glasses in an evening and this is totally acceptable, but, smoking a joint or two is totally different and deemed, 'neglectful, outrageous and automatically a druggy'

An I an awful parent? Is it seriously not that common anymore?

My parents smoked it when I grew up so did DH's, a lot of our friends have or still do.

OP’s posts: |
scarfy Sun 27-Sep-20 22:04:10

Don't see an issue if you are doing it after your kids go to bed. It's legal in Canada!

MrsJemimaDuck Sun 27-Sep-20 22:05:55

I don’t see an issue as long as you’re responsible with it.

OhCaptain Sun 27-Sep-20 22:05:58

It’s fine. Loads of posters will tell you it’s not though.

Makes me wonder why you asked in the first place!

Ohalrightthen Sun 27-Sep-20 22:06:28

If you're doing it when your children are in your care, then yes, that's shit parenting. As is getting wasted. If you're responsible for your kids you must be compus mentis.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Sun 27-Sep-20 22:07:55

I have one or two joints some nights to help with pain, I don't drink (I don't even smoke enough to get stoned) it's really no big deal.

nimbuscloud Sun 27-Sep-20 22:09:26

Do you smoke indoors or outdoors? Outdoors wouldn’t bother me because it won’t physically affect your children. Indoors I think it would.

Hercwasonaroll Sun 27-Sep-20 22:09:31

Personally I can't stand the smell. I judge the fuck out of the neighbours behind who smoke it and stink my garden out all the time. They're anti social.

The wine culture doesn't directly impact your kids. They don't sniff wine and get high. They can smell the drugs and it can damage them. I'm. The same about cigarettes though, would never smoke in the house of/near a child.

Chronic pain is obviously awful. Have your tried the oil instead?

spiderbride Sun 27-Sep-20 22:11:27

YANBU. Used responsibility, it's actually safer than drink.

I rely on CBD because at the ripe old age of thirty something I can no longer handle the paranoia of high THC strains but it really does do wonders for my chronic health conditions.

grenlei Sun 27-Sep-20 22:11:36

If you'd asked me a few years ago I would have said ywbu. That was I'll be honest from a position of no knowledge whatsoever, I'd never smoked, didn't know anyone who did and it all seemed a bit 'drugs' and scary etc.

However my partner does and has for many years, only a small amount but finds it helpful for health reasons. He actually would like to stop because he doesn't enjoy smoking tobacco (and has had some health scares) but finds a tobacco free joint is too strong.

I know a lot of people who drink at least bottle of wine most nights either shared with a partner or to themselves and I don't see a joint as any worse than that tbh.

Saz12 Sun 27-Sep-20 22:12:58

An occasional joint is no better or worse than enough-to-feel-merry alcohol.

If you’re incapacitated and responsible for children, that’s not good, whatever the cause.

spiderbride Sun 27-Sep-20 22:13:12

Ohalrightthen

If you're doing it when your children are in your care, then yes, that's shit parenting. As is getting wasted. If you're responsible for your kids you must be compus mentis.

Unless you're smoking skunk etc you're not going to be any more impaired than someone on a glass or two of wine. If OP was getting utterly baked every evening I'd think differently but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Randomnamechange26 Sun 27-Sep-20 22:14:46

Just to clarify - always outside. Always away from kids at night. And, I don't ever barely drink so its my only vice. I've tried oils but it doesn't help me for some reason, I think it's the ideology behind it

OP’s posts: |
LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Sun 27-Sep-20 22:14:56

It is not for me to say that you are an awful parent.

But I think you are in denial about the effect your drug use has upon your parenting. It’s irrelevant to compare it to alcohol use. At a certain level that is harmful too. And those parents are also in denial.

You are one specific parent. Using weed. Your child is one specific child. Regardless of the liberal arguments around drug use and the comparisons to drinking wine, the crux of it is your dependant child deserves better than a parent who is absent emotionally through weed: distracted, at increased risk of psychosis and spending significant sums of money on drugs.

spiderbride Sun 27-Sep-20 22:15:02

grenlei

If you'd asked me a few years ago I would have said ywbu. That was I'll be honest from a position of no knowledge whatsoever, I'd never smoked, didn't know anyone who did and it all seemed a bit 'drugs' and scary etc.

However my partner does and has for many years, only a small amount but finds it helpful for health reasons. He actually would like to stop because he doesn't enjoy smoking tobacco (and has had some health scares) but finds a tobacco free joint is too strong.

I know a lot of people who drink at least bottle of wine most nights either shared with a partner or to themselves and I don't see a joint as any worse than that tbh.

Has your partner tried edibles? Slightly less bioavailability over a longer period of time - better for chronic pain etc. Be very very careful with the dosage though. Maybe try cannabutter or something?

emptyshelvesagain Sun 27-Sep-20 22:15:15

You haven't said a single thing about your parenting so it's an unanswerable question.

Emeraldshamrock Sun 27-Sep-20 22:17:12

You're not alone lots of adult's enjoy it preferring weed to wine as long as you aren't baked green. grin

HotPenguin Sun 27-Sep-20 22:20:34

I would be more worried about the people you are associating with to buy it tbh, it's organised crime.

Couchbettato Sun 27-Sep-20 22:20:59

I don't think you're unreasonable and I think it's a lot more common than you might think.

Scweltish Sun 27-Sep-20 22:21:26

emptyshelvesagain

You haven't said a single thing about your parenting so it's an unanswerable question.

This. Only you know if your drug use is affecting your parenting. How would we know? I wonder why you made this thread. The only thing I can say for definite is that it’s illegal, so the children are at risk of witnessing you getting arrested.

Randomnamechange26 Sun 27-Sep-20 22:23:08

@ladymacbethwasmisunderstood

That is true, to some degree, I only posted due to reading some comments in regards to drinking a few glasses of wine then a sub thread about cannabis smoking.

I wouldnt say I am absent minded at all, it is not every single night nor do I spend my last pennies on it and leave my DC without. They always come first in life.

OP’s posts: |
Randomnamechange26 Sun 27-Sep-20 22:25:02

@Scweltish Mainly to see what the general consensus was regarding it. I understand it is illegal here, I don't think it will be that way for long though with the way cbd has come into the scene.

OP’s posts: |
withadivinebeatlesbaseline Sun 27-Sep-20 22:26:52

It is illegal in the U.K., there are oral preparations containing the active ingredient for pain management.
Smoking it also dissolves your lungs. I would think if you find it helps a health condition look into legal and less damaging ways of taking it.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Sep-20 22:31:33

Randomnamechange26

*@Scweltish* Mainly to see what the general consensus was regarding it. I understand it is illegal here, I don't think it will be that way for long though with the way cbd has come into the scene.

Yes but your thread title is dramatic and seems designed to get people 'onside' so to speak.

"AIBU to smoke a few spliff of a night, away from my kids?"

YANBU if it floats your boat.

Alwaysinpain Sun 27-Sep-20 22:32:01

Weed is only legal in Canada for medical reasons, under a Doctor's advice.

There is a reason why cannabis is illegal.

What if one of your kids had a fit? Or a major cardiac event? Or more likely, what if one of them woke up and fell down the stairs?
You may be convinced you'd 'snap out of it' but so are drunk drivers when they get in their car! However science shows that your mind is impaired until weed (or alcohol) is out of your system. No matter the circumstances.

If your child fell down the stairs and you called 999, you would almost certainly be unable to as efficiently & effectively perform the actions asked of you by the operator, in order to assess your child and/or keep them alive until the paramedics arrive.

Dramatic? Yeah maybe.
Impossible to ever happen? Absolutely not.

To me, it's the same PRINCIPLE as never leaving your kids alone in the house/car. Yeah, the chances that anything bad could happen may be quite slim and you may trust them to never touch something dangerous or allow strangers in etc, but we DON'T do it, as it there's always a chance that something could happen.
And no, I'm NOT saying that smoking weed is as bad as or the same as leaving kids alone, I'm talking about risk assessment. The principle of 'What if?'

Children deserve to have at least one parent who is stone cold sober and emotionally present.

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