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Oh my GOD, its SOOOOOO unfair!!!!

(115 Posts)
HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 09:15:25

AIBU to say this everytime my attitudinally challenged tweens ask me to do anything / everything? I work FT and am a single parent so pretty full on. They reluctantly have accepted a few chores like emptying dishwasher, taking laundry up etc but any time I ask them to just run and get X from upstairs, or pop the recycling out or grab me a glass of water while I'm ironing their uniforms I get eye rolling and stomping and 'why do I have to?'. So, can I do it too? (this lighthearted by the way pleae don't berate me for having / resenting kids etc)!

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Rocinante39 Mon 28-Sep-20 10:13:53

A very minor point. Look at how you ask: 'just to run', 'pop the recycling out', 'grab me a glass of water'. The way you say it suggests the tasks are very easy or even fun. That puts people's back up.

Even worse, by asking you suggest they have a choice. They therefore decline your offer. Instead of asking in a jokey manner try instructing.Instructing can be polite and it can include please.

What worked for mine, well for short time, was : 'I know its a nuisance but please make me a cup of tea' If they say no, you then you make yourself a cup of tea and you go on strike.

CSIblonde Mon 28-Sep-20 09:58:33

YANBU. The coat shopping though...not many kids would enjoy that. I'd shop online unless it's stuff for you & you're in the mood for a mooch round the shops.

twoshedsjackson Mon 28-Sep-20 09:42:15

itsgettingweird I think he had the wit not to let on at home, when he realised what a laughing stock he had made of himself. Many times I have finally met up with Mummy for a chat to find that only the "edited highlights" have reached the parental ears......
We tried to look on the positive side, that he felt he could stand up for himself and air his grievances, although in this case his sense of entitlement went a bit far.

Zaphodsotherhead Sun 27-Sep-20 22:49:50

CurlyhairedAssassin

*they knew perfectly well what they should have been doing as youngster - they just didn't want to. And, as a single mum to five, they knew I couldn't make them.*

Well, I wouldn't want to share a house with a capable adult who was a burden in the house because they did nothing, so my response would be "I have no legal responsibility towards you once you're 18, so if you're not prepared to do your bit in the house by then, you can damned well go and get your own place to live so you won't be a burden in this one"

They did all leave home at 18 - they all went off to university!

itsgettingweird Sun 27-Sep-20 21:51:50

Two that's actually hilarious grin what did his parents say when they found out?!

twoshedsjackson Sun 27-Sep-20 18:14:39

I wasn't threatened with Childline - the aggrieved party was all for doing it!
Our lovely PTA fundraised for a "jungle gym" construction at the edge of the school field. As you can imagine, hugely popular and over-subscribed, strict rota etc.
I was teaching a class, not my own, when one Year 3 lad (so 7 years old) asked to go to the loo. Only just in from break; if it had been my own form, he'd have been told where he got off, but when you don't know them so well, you don't want to inadvertently stop the child with a genuine problem, but I had my suspicions.
Unfortunately for him, the window by my desk afforded a clear view of the playground, so I was able to watch him spend a glorious ten minutes of undisputed occupancy of the jungle gym.
When breaktime came around, I pointed out to him that he'd already had his ten minutes on the climbing frame, so now was the time to make up the ten minutes' working time. (Note, I kindly left him some breaktime to actually use the loo!) Although gobsmacked, he complied, muttering somewhat.
The next thing we knew was that he was in the school office, asking to use the phone; boys were allowed this if they could give a good reason. He calmly told the school secretary that he was planning to call Childline, as I had clearly infringed his human rights. When she had stopped laughing, she set him straight.
It could have been a most interesting chat with Esther Rantzen.

CurlyhairedAssassin Sun 27-Sep-20 18:06:28

they knew perfectly well what they should have been doing as youngster - they just didn't want to. And, as a single mum to five, they knew I couldn't make them.

Well, I wouldn't want to share a house with a capable adult who was a burden in the house because they did nothing, so my response would be "I have no legal responsibility towards you once you're 18, so if you're not prepared to do your bit in the house by then, you can damned well go and get your own place to live so you won't be a burden in this one"

GettingUntrapped Sun 27-Sep-20 17:42:29

You have to really mean it. Otherwise you lose.

notacooldad Sun 27-Sep-20 17:28:51

When my kids did this I thought I'd zoned out to it but frustration must have been building up because one day i just blew!! Really blew in to a rage never seen before or since in our house. The kids stood frozen to the spot and then ran!! I think they were about 8 and 11 or something.
It is still a talking point 15 years later!! However things did improve, so I guessed that worked!🤣🤣

GettingUntrapped Sun 27-Sep-20 17:27:49

Yes, children challenge us to the core of our being. Exhausting, but sometimes (not often for me) amazing. But here we all are...

Hadalifeonce Sun 27-Sep-20 17:27:30

You could always withhold your labour for a little while, I'm sure you would have cooked their meals yesterday, why should you have to do it today, it must be someone else's turn!

Zaphodsotherhead Sun 27-Sep-20 17:21:56

So much of my problem with mine came because I was so very poor.

Couldn't afford pocket money or much in the way of treats. When there's nothing to withold if they don't comply, they really don't see the benefit in complying.

It's astonishing how well they've turned out, quite honestly. Although DS2 (26) did tell me, when I was reminiscing about how dreadful they were when younger - 'you should have MADE us.'

Oh, how I laughed. And I look forward to him becoming a father and finding out...

GettingUntrapped Sun 27-Sep-20 17:05:03

Seems almost like children are evolutionarily designed to walk all over adults (especially parents). It's a hard job to moderate and tame them into civilisation.

LakieLady Sun 27-Sep-20 16:59:38

My ds(12) is going through the 'what is the point in cleaning it when it will only get dirty again' phase

You need to watch that phase. In my case, it's lasted for over 50 years.

itsgettingweird Sun 27-Sep-20 16:55:22

Mh ds tried this once!

Had the whole "I don't want to, why should I - why can't you do it?" attitude one memorable Sunday.

First time he'd had the attitude and he came with it full force.

That evening he got changed for his beloved swimming training which I take him to 6 times a week including early mornings.

As he got ready I ran a luxurious bath with bubbles and candles etc.

He asked "why are you having a bath - you have to take me swimming"

I replied "I don't want to, why should I? Why you can't go yourself?"

Worked like magic!

Now when he starts the tude I ask "are you planning on training later?"

grin

Dee1975 Sun 27-Sep-20 16:48:30

Have a day off ...! And stop washing their clothes until they do said jobs ...!

HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 16:46:30

toasty yes, I do try to make sure its roughly equal but I don't keep score of little things like putting cutlery on the table or hanging up a coat that's fallen. Its whoever is closest. And YY to getting growled at when you are trying to help with homework or a craft project that they have asked you to help with - DD rages at me before I've even opened my mouth sometimes and will NOT accept the help she has asked for so I just walk off and that enduces more rage. Is it wine O'clock yet?

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custardbear Sun 27-Sep-20 15:27:24

I can't believe none of you have to ensure beautifully ironed your unicorns for childrens' school bags 🤪
Doh! I'd love to say stupid wine - but it was just stupid me 🤩

ToastyCrumpet Sun 27-Sep-20 15:18:59

Do you ask them equally? I went on strike in my teens because my mother always asked me to run errands etc, never my brother. She admitted to doing it too.

Eliza72 Sun 27-Sep-20 15:12:26

Loving "attitudinally challenged tweens" grin

GettingUntrapped Sun 27-Sep-20 14:52:09

They think they have us over a barrel with threats of calling the police and Childline. Oh, wait, as their parent, I suppose they do. A slave that can't escape.

RainBow725 Sun 27-Sep-20 14:34:13

slipperywhensparticus

Can you grab your coat hangers for me son? WHAT NOW? OMG I DO EVERYTHING! OK son you carry on with the ironing make a cup of tea watch the hot iron with your brother and the cats don't forget food needs to be ready in an hour and i will get the coat hangers down.......i will make you a cup of tea just let me grab the hangers mom 😂

Seriously I give my son a choice help or swap jobs


I do this too - generally shuts them up when I have pointed out all the things I have already done and still need to do!

BiddyPop Sun 27-Sep-20 14:31:05

I sat in DDs room this morning, having been called up to help with homework and grumbling as I finished the task I was in the middle of before coming up, to then get growled at for suggesting things that needed fixing and then ignored as she was miles further back than she’d implied. So I sat daydreaming about how it’s only 4 years until she leaves for Uni and I will take her lovely sunny room to do crafts in and not be bothered by all the “I need help NOW” incidences.

MsKeats Sun 27-Sep-20 14:03:25

HugeAckmansWife

So am I.. But somehow I can get a whole class of teenagers to do stuff much easier than my two!

Because people ourselves included are different at work than home.

HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 13:52:08

So am I.. But somehow I can get a whole class of teenagers to do stuff much easier than my two!

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