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Oh my GOD, its SOOOOOO unfair!!!!

(115 Posts)
HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 09:15:25

AIBU to say this everytime my attitudinally challenged tweens ask me to do anything / everything? I work FT and am a single parent so pretty full on. They reluctantly have accepted a few chores like emptying dishwasher, taking laundry up etc but any time I ask them to just run and get X from upstairs, or pop the recycling out or grab me a glass of water while I'm ironing their uniforms I get eye rolling and stomping and 'why do I have to?'. So, can I do it too? (this lighthearted by the way pleae don't berate me for having / resenting kids etc)!

OP’s posts: |
Angelina82 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:17:01


D4rwin Sun 27-Sep-20 09:18:23

I am pretty sick of attitude when setting chores too. I'm afraid I've got "Well life sucks" and "deal with it" but I am failing significantly at parenting right now.

nevernotstruggling Sun 27-Sep-20 09:20:10

I think if you are still pushing the kids to help out then you arnt failing at parenting.

I find it easier to do it myself so I'm rubbish at making my 11 and 8 year old help

pickingdaisies Sun 27-Sep-20 09:20:32

Keep a baseball cap handy so you can shove it on your head backwards as you say it.

dontdisturbmenow Sun 27-Sep-20 09:20:36

Definitely, although it will just result in them thinking you are even weirder than before rather than eliciting any understanding.

Say only time seems to do the trick. After years of this attitude, it's very odd when they take on a chore without being asked, and you then fear you must be suffering from hallucinations!

mdh2020 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:22:01

You need to give them a set list of chores that they have to do and make their pocket money conditional on them performing them. This would be better than asking for a glass of water etc.

custardbear Sun 27-Sep-20 09:23:39

You need to sell it better

'Whilst I'm ironing your unicorn and cooking your dinner, could you just help out by emptying the dishwasher'? .... no .... ok I'll do it then, you may have to go in with a tatty uniform tomorrow, or dinner will be ages then if I can't get a bit of help

My 12 and 8 year olds do a few tasks - the 12 year old complains a bit but 8yo is fine - bless him

Keeva2017 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:25:34

YANBU. Nothing more to add.

HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 09:26:22

Yeah me too. DS moans like fuck at the weekend when we go out to run errands, buy HIM a new coat because it's time away from the x box. He goes on and on constantly about the route, the mode of transport, the order and how it would be quicker if we did X.. Will say yes to any coat so it speeds things up. There's no pleasure in what could be a nice wander about town (neither are phased by masks or any CV stuff). They wind each other up, are very intolerant of each other, DS is almost certainly HF ASD so has echolalia, obsession with a very small range of topics He talks AT you. DD is much 'easier' but is incredibly stubborn, will argue the toss about anything and picks her brother up on every annoying tic or mistake. Agghh..sorry, this has turned into a general rant now but ex has disappeared pretty much for the last two months so little break and now not much adult interaction outside of work..

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DeeThree Sun 27-Sep-20 09:26:46

I completely understand you OP! No matter who I ask in my house, even to do the smallest thing, I get the response "it's not fair, why do I have to do it, I do everything!!!!" Yes of course you do everything, and your clothes wash themselves, you fingers are made by fairies and we're have a magically self- cleaning bathroom 😬

CMOTDibbler Sun 27-Sep-20 09:27:04

We do 'its soooo unfair' complete with Kevin and Perry impression. Now 14 yo DS will do it too, and its really helpful in defusing the situation

HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 09:28:22

😂😂 I think ironing unicorns might be illegal??

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mineofuselessinformation Sun 27-Sep-20 09:28:35

You could preface it with 'DeeeeCeeee' (in the style of Muuuuuum) if you felt inclined..... 😉

Sophoa Sun 27-Sep-20 09:28:47

Haven’t you had “but I did it yesterday / last week” and “it’s not fair, you make me do EVERYTHING and never make him / her do anything”

DeeThree Sun 27-Sep-20 09:29:03

Oops : fingers = dinners

Mintjulia Sun 27-Sep-20 09:33:23

My ds(12) is going through the 'what is the point in cleaning it when it will only get dirty again' phase. sadhmm

HugeAckmansWife Sun 27-Sep-20 09:34:56

"sophoa oh yes, very much so. I really try to make sure I don't 'gender' the tasks, like make DS do the bin and dd making a cup of tea and try to roughly alternate, but this morning. DS was on his feet, dd was sitting eating, with a cat on her lap so I asked him to grab my book from upstairs and got a moan and stampy feet up and down. About the face the homework... 😵

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allinadaystwerk Sun 27-Sep-20 09:38:07

When ironing unicorns with my magic fingers I too get fed up to my back wings when my dc refuse to clean up the fairy dust.
Kids can be such ogres sometimes.
Sorry you did say lighthearted and idi feel you pain... here have 3 wishes🤣

doistayordoigo Sun 27-Sep-20 09:40:31

We showed our DC the Kevin & Perry episodes, funnily enough it did make a difference, as they could see how ridiculous they were being sometimes. I remember showing them the episode where Kevin is asked to wash the car and takes an absolute age to do was probably when they were taking forever to clear their rooms up I think. Mine are older now, nearly 18 and 20, but still start with the moaning sometimes. I have been known to stamp my feet and have a pretend tantrum, which defuses the growing tension on all sides and usually results in them just getting on with it.

S00LA Sun 27-Sep-20 09:40:57

The trick is not to murder them and eventually they leave home. Two down and two to go here.

Mrscaindingle Sun 27-Sep-20 09:41:26

I fee your pain although if you keep at it they do get to a magical age where they just say yes and do it, 17 in DS1's case, still waiting for DS2.

Am living in hope for the age where they notice something needs doing and just do it without being asked. 🦄

Porcupineinwaiting Sun 27-Sep-20 09:43:24

Keep at it. Mine went through this stage, got told (quite sharply on occasion) to shape up, now they help more or less cheerfully and without complaint. They are 14 and 12. 12 year old does sometimes grumble but nothing compared to 2 years ago.

movingonup20 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:47:28

I get you! My adult dd is moaning her dad (who she lives with as I moved away recently after splitting) makes her load the dishwasher, walk the dog and vacuum. She's an adult and until next week is on university holidays since March effectively!

bugaboo218 Sun 27-Sep-20 09:47:51

YANBU, Teen DD has a major strop at the moment because she has been told to tidy her bedroom. Of course it is now my fault that she only has creased up clean clothes to wear when she meets her friends later this morning!

I give zero fucks about it being soooooo unfair and oooooh my God no one else's mum is like this! My mini lecture about taking your clean crease free clothes from the basket on your bed when you were given them DD on Fri afternoon after school was met with a stony stare!

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