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To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

(450 Posts)
Reallybadidea Sat 26-Sep-20 21:09:41

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP’s posts: |
hypochondriacseveywhere Sat 26-Sep-20 21:10:53

With everything going on I wouldn't be to bothered. Sometimes friends are closer than family.

Mamagotskills Sat 26-Sep-20 21:11:03

I’d pick my best friends over my brother in law too... she’s in a shit situation, just make the best of it

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 26-Sep-20 21:12:14

I’d be really hurt too.

BlueJava Sat 26-Sep-20 21:12:14

I can understand why you feel upset, but maybe she wants several of her friends and families represented and that's very hard to do with a cap of 15 people. I think put your upset to one side and just go with it - write if off as "one of those problems caused by Covid19". She probably didn't feel she had much choice and found it difficult anyway.

WoWsers16 Sat 26-Sep-20 21:12:56

If you all went that would be 5 of you- basically a third of the overall list. I agree with your sister. It's a hard decision totally- but I think I agree with what she's doing. I'm a family of 5 and if my husbands brother got married and just invited my hubby and eldest I would totally understand- it's not your day , and her friends are probably a lot closer to her than your husband xx

LivingoffCoffee Sat 26-Sep-20 21:12:58


I’d pick my best friends over my brother in law too... she’s in a shit situation, just make the best of it


MawnyStannit Sat 26-Sep-20 21:13:23

I’d have done the same as her too, actually. It’s such an unpleasant situation, and a horrible choice to have to make, so I don’t think it’s appropriate to get upset about her choices.

Theworldisfullofgs Sat 26-Sep-20 21:13:39

To be honest I think its such a shot time yo have a wedding that she should be able yo do what she thinks best with people smiling sympathetically.

What was your wedding like? Did you have over 15?

Reallybadidea Sat 26-Sep-20 21:13:53

I can understand my dh not being among the 15, it's my kids that I'm upset about. They're plenty old enough to understand that they haven't made the final cut!

OP’s posts: |
Lemonnhoney Sat 26-Sep-20 21:14:04

My sister is getting married next year and don't know if the rule of 15 will still be in place but I've already said to her I'm absolutely fine with and would totally get her not inviting my DH and my 2 DC.

She said she wants the DC to be there but I I understand why she would want close friends over her BIL

ButteryPuffin Sat 26-Sep-20 21:14:45

I think the 15 person limit makes things very, very tough for anyone unless their family is tiny. I would try to cut her some slack on this as she's presumably trying to have at least some of both family and friends there.

Nottherealslimshady Sat 26-Sep-20 21:14:53

Yeah I'd pick my friends over my siblings or parents partners. How close is she really to your husband? And honestly, kids doing really add much to weddings, you can't have proper conversations with young kids, they dont tell you how beautiful you look and how happy they are for you. If I had to reduce numbers at my wedding it would have been the kids and partners that went.

Nottherealslimshady Sat 26-Sep-20 21:15:16

Kids don't *

saraclara Sat 26-Sep-20 21:15:48

If your parents are alive, that means that her allocation of the 15 is used up without having a single friend at her wedding.

Seriously, this must be SO awful for people who had planned what should have been a lovely wedding. I seriously feel for them all.

Maybe compare your disappointment to hers, and get some perspective?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Sat 26-Sep-20 21:16:28

Yup, I would pick my friends over my sil. They have been in my life longer, I'm closer to them, whereas my sil is just my brothers partner really.

Mamagotskills Sat 26-Sep-20 21:16:31

Kids mostly done even like weddings until
It gets to the party bit, which let’s face it won’t be much of a party right now. If they’re old enough to understand then explain and have your husband do something fun with them. I’m sure if it was their birthday party they’d pick their friends over their auntie too

Thehogfatherstolemycurry Sat 26-Sep-20 21:16:33

If she hadn't 5 out of her 13 guests would be your household, looking at it that way maybe you can see why she did it.
I'd also pick my friends above my brother in law, not because I don't like him but because I'd want more of a spread of people.

Gabrielknight Sat 26-Sep-20 21:16:49

Tbh I'd choose friends over kids.....

JacobReesMogadishu Sat 26-Sep-20 21:17:08

YABU. It’s a shit situation for your sister and she needs to make the best of it. I’d pick friends over everyone inc my sister.

Incrediblytired Sat 26-Sep-20 21:17:14

If it was your wedding and you had to choose, would you pick your best mate or her fiancé?

I do understand that you feel your children have been rejected but she’s got so little choice and an adult do will be really nice. We had a 20 person all adult wedding with chums and some family and it was great. Let her have a great wedding and don’t let covid cause further probs.

Mamagotskills Sat 26-Sep-20 21:17:43


Ohtherewearethen Sat 26-Sep-20 21:17:45

They're allowed 13 guests between them and you want five of those to be your immediate family. If you include both your parents in your sister's 'share' of the guests, that's seven, leaving her husband to be with six guests. Do you really think that's fair, that she shouldn't be able to invite a single friend to her wedding? Weddings are usually utterly boring for children anyway.

saraclara Sat 26-Sep-20 21:17:49


If she hadn't 5 out of her 13 guests would be your household, looking at it that way maybe you can see why she did it.
I'd also pick my friends above my brother in law, not because I don't like him but because I'd want more of a spread of people.

Five out of her 6 or 7 guests, assuming the groom gets to have some friends and family there.

ScrapThatThen Sat 26-Sep-20 21:18:07

It would be crappy to stand your dd down as a bridesmaid so I think she has been kind, she's probably dropped someone else. Yabvu. 15!

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