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Would you tell the parents?

(80 Posts)
nokidshere Sat 26-Sep-20 17:37:46

I've always been a listening ear for people, especially young people who might feel they can't talk to their parents for whatever reason. I've always told them they can tell or ask me anything and I would help them and that I would not tell their parents unless I felt they were in danger, either from themselves or others. Obviously I always encourage them to talk to their parents or, if they wouldn't, put them in touch with a Dr or other agency.

If your teenage son/daughter was feeling anxious and depressed but didn’t feel they could talk to you about it and went to a family friend in confidence instead how would you feel? And what would you think of the friend if they did that? Would you be angry and think they should have told you?

I would be sad if my boys felt they couldn't come to me but really grateful they trusted someone else enough to go to. And that my friend was good enough to help. Telling someone is always better than the alternative isn't it?

OP’s posts: |
DarkMutterings Tue 29-Sep-20 10:33:09

I doubt Op is going to come back, I suspect they were expecting a lot more 'you're doing such a great thing' comments.
The thing is a listening adult can be an absolute lifeline - as some posters have alluded to. But the whole way the Op describes deliberately creating a space for this, just sounds off, almost as if they are actively seeking to be a guardian angel of sorts with the validation that comes with that role.
The Op probably doesn't like the way this thread is going but I do hope they take it on board.

northstars Tue 29-Sep-20 11:30:01

My question was if you were their parent and found out they'd spoken to me and I'd listened and/or referred them to someone how would you feel about that?

What do you mean by this? Whom do you “refer” these children to, and on what basis? What qualifications do you have? As a former teacher, this makes me very uncomfortable

Thelnebriati Tue 29-Sep-20 12:34:48

I didn't intend to return to this thread but there's one thing I want to say.

People like teachers who have direct contact with your children have safeguarding training, work within a safeguarding framework, and are mandated reporters - if they find out a child is being abused they must report to their safeguarding lead.
They don't keep secrets because that's how abusers and groomers operate, and safe adults don't mimic the behaviour of abusers.
Safe adults model safe behaviour for children.

MitziK Tue 29-Sep-20 16:30:32

You REALLY need to take some Safeguarding Courses.

There is so much that could go wrong with what you are telling us. I don't think you appreciate quite how wrong they could go.

stuckinadeeprut Tue 29-Sep-20 16:38:39

My daughter's boyfriend's mum did this when she was a teenager. It was a complete PITA and didn't help at all. As an adult she reflects on it as deeply problematic and that it created an unnecessary barrier to me being able to support her. It was more to do with the woman's need to be validated than what was best for my daughter. If the OP has experience of working with young people she should be much more aware of appropriate boundaries than she's showing here.

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