To want to tell her she was out of order to my DS?

[lyralalala]

I'll preface by saying - DS is 20. I won't get involved, but I really want to say something.

DS1 is technically my step-son. His Mum died when he was a very young toddler.

Because his Mum died there was a pension paid out every month that mostly went into his savings. He also inherited his Mum's share when her Grandparents died. It's not an amount of money that's going to mean he can lounge around in luxury for his whole life, but it's a comfortable buffer that many kids his age don't have.

Also added to that for a while when he was at school DS had a Saturday job with a photography company who paid him well and DS saved hard because at the time he wanted to buy a flashy car when he passed his test. Thankfully by the time he did pass his test he realised that a stupidly expensive car at 17 was stupid.

Anyway, since he started uni he's worked in a care home. He lives in a shared house about 40 minutes away. His long time best friend also lives in the house. During lockdown he was back home with us because he knew we were being careful (his youngest sister was on the shielding list) so he could keep working.

He decided last month that going back to uni meant he had to hand in his notice and look for another job. He acknowledged to his Dad and I that he knew he was very lucky to be able to fall back on the buffer he has whilst looking for another job (and knowing he might not get another job for a while depending on uni lockdowns and the likes).

His best friend's mother (who was friends with his Mum), while dropping her son off, asked him about his work and went on to call him a spoiled shit. She told him that millions of people couldn't afford to pack in a job "willy nilly" and that if he was hers she'd be bitterly disappointed in him for quitting a job before getting another one.

DS told her it was none of her business. She said herself he was polite in tone (she messaged DH to complain), but still thinks that telling "an adult" that was very rude. She feels he should have acknowledge to her that he was "very lucky" to have money in the bank to rely on. DH told her that DS was right, it was none of her business and left it at that.

I really want to point out to her that my "spoiled shit" of a boy has quit his job because he can't live in a shared student house and safely work in a care home full of old people! He also has money because he fucking saved hard when he was working so he'd be able to do this anyway. However, she is cribbing about money he got because he has no Mummy. He has no memories of her at all. He only knows her voice because his GP's had a camcorder. He is not fucking lucky!

[Rinoachicken]

What a vile woman

[timeforawine]

Wow, she was first class bitch OP, well done to your step son and husband for standing up to her.
You should all keep your distance now, she seems jealous he has money rather than being thankful she got to see her child grow up

[formerbabe]

I'd absolutely say something to her...wouldn't be able to help myself. What a witch

[Halo1234]

how dare she call him a spoilef shit. Respect is a two way thing and she wasn't showing him any. She shouldn't speak to anyone like that no matter how old or how young they are. Your son sounds hard working and lovely. I would say something. He deserves every penny he has.

[Viciouslybashed]

She sounds unpleasant. DS1 sounds wonderful though.

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

I would say something. I'd have to. I'd be fuming.

[howtobe]

Awful.

Tbh I would get involved in this. I normally would agree with you to stay out of it but I’d tell her exactly what you've told us in your last paragraph.

Vile vile woman.

[Graphista]

What a cow! Aside from the nastiness she lacks logic! His quitting that job means someone else, who possibly needs it more, can take it.

Think your dh is the one that needs to address this though considering the history - but she does need firmly put in her place!

As for "to an adult" your ds is an adult!

Actually well done your ds for not sinking to her level!

Honestly what are some people like?! Absolutely not her business to even think about let alone pass comment!

[5foot5]

What a rude, interfering, judgmental cow!

Possibly the adult thing to do would be to leave it at that but frankly, in your shoes, I would want to give her a piece of my mind.

[MaggieFS]

What a horrible thing to say. Sounds like your husband has said all that needs to be said out loud, although like you I'd love to have my say. Carry on venting here instead!

[MrsToothyBitch]

She's vile - and has also clearly missed the covid implications your DS is working around. Also as your lovely sounding DS is now an adult, why is she still treating him like a child?

[ittooshallpass]

What an absolute cow. Totally none of her business. And why is she complaining that her shouldn't have spoken to an 'adult' in the way he did? He IS an adult! He was having an adult conversation. You should be very proud of him for keeping his cool and just telling her it was none of her business.

[SmellsLikeFeet]

Your poor stepson, I bet her son is embarrassed about his mums behaviour

[slipperywhensparticus]

your ds and his dad have handled it well if she tries talking to you about it say something but for now keep quiet

[Bluntness100]

I’d be tempted to say something too but your husband has closed it off snd I’d leave it there. For the simple reason that people who are this cunty very seldom wish to see reason. It was simply escalate it.

I suspect it’s envy snd they are struggling financially.

My friends son got a job paying 35 k a year, he’s 20. One of their close friends who they had known all his life coildnt even look at him after and were very rude to him. They were struggling snd between them earned less than that, but instead of being pleased for him they decided to be as obnoxious as possible about it.

Nothing as strange as folks.

[DimidDavilby]

I would definitely say something, he was polite but you don't have to be!

[londongirl12]

Unfortunately jealously has a very ugly side

[Gazelda]

What an absolute bitch!

I think you're wise to keep out of it. Let it die down. But I'm sure you'll never forget her spiteful and wrong words.

And I hope you told your DS that you're proud of how he handled this. Your post gives the impression you're a wonderful SM, so I'm sure you've shown or told him.

[greyblueeyes]

Yeah, I would probably say something. Especially since she brought it up to your husband. Nasty of her to say that.

I'm pretty positive that your SS would much rather have his mother than the money.

[unmarkedbythat]

If I were feeling particularly restrained, I would tell her to fuck off.

It is unlikely I would be able to restrain myself to that. What a nasty piece of work she is.

I hope she uses MN, I hope she sees this thread and recognises herself and the shame burns. Imagine what your DS's mum would think of her!

[CreamCabbages]

She was out of order and sounds a bit dim.

She doesn’t know anything about your sons finances, nor should she. It truly is none of her business.

Your son has already dealt with it by telling her this.


I’d leave it now.

[lyralalala]

The "to an adult" comment made me laugh actually. She called my boy a spoiled shit while she was dropping off her DS - who she ferries around like he's 12 and needs lifts to activities. He's also lost every job he's had by not turning up.

I can't really say anything because DS and DH have been so restrained and polite, but I really want too. It wouldn't go down well with her as she's never liked me.

[Odile13]

I think she was very rude. It wasn’t her place to comment and she doesn’t know the full story anyway. It sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder about money.

Whether you should say anything to her...I don’t know. If you don’t usually see her it’s probably best to let it go. Maybe your DS could just tell his side of it to his best friend, if he hasn’t already.

[CircusAnimals]

I'd leave it. Not out of a desire to be civil or let sleeping dogs lie, but because if this woman can't see that your DS has money in his bank account because his mother died horribly young, then she's clearly as stupid as she is rude.

Your DS sounds like a good egg.

[growinggreyer]

I would speak to DS to tell him that he does not have to remain in contact with this friend of his mother's. Perhaps it was nice for them to be in contact when he was a child as it provided him with a link to his Mum, but it doesn't seem to be very beneficial now.