to expect my step children to be able to meet their new sister

[wayovermyhead]

I have been with my partner for 4 years and we have a ds1 and a dd together who is 8 weeks old. He has 2 other children with his ex. Things have always been tense between them both, but just recently things have become very much worse. She is refusing to let him see his children unless he sees them at his mothers and is insisting that under no circumstances can they come to our house if I am there or to meet their new sister.

The reasons for this are constantly changing, including to many flies in the house although she has never been here, they are not fed enough, even though I feed them breakfast lunch and an evening meal which they have to eat at 4.30 as they leave at 5 to go home so rarely finish but who wants to eat that early? she claims I have an eating disorder and therefore mental health issues, which in reality was hypermesis with both pregnancies .

AIBU to expect her to accept he has another family as well as his first 2 children, that seeing their siblings is just as important as seeing their father and she shouldnt be able to dictate where my DP sees them.

[MandosHatHair]

YANBU, that's an awful thing for her to do.

[gottakeeponmovin]

Well yes - surely unless she has a court order she can't stop him from taking the kids where he wants

[Scweltish]

Why hasn’t he gone to court to get a contact order?

[MidnightCitrus]

@Scweltish

Why hasn’t he gone to court to get a contact order?

This!!

[yoyo1234]

YANBU especially with "She is refusing to let him see his children unless he sees them at his mothers and is insisting that under no circumstances can they come to our house if I am there or to meet their new sister."

[Lockdownseperation]

He needs legal advice.

[LadyEloise]

Were you the "other woman" wayovermyhead ?
If you were, it might explain her animosity.

[MzHz]

Yet another pathetic bloke who won’t stand up for his kids.

Ffs!

[MzHz]

@LadyEloise

Were you the "other woman" wayovermyhead ?
If you were, it might explain her animosity.

Tbf, it doesn’t matter even if she were, the father doesn’t get to be dictated to about where he can see his kids. Not like this.

She has no right to do this

[Thisisnotnormal69]

Why has he not got a court order? Of course she’s unreasonable, those concerns aren’t legitimate at all from what you’ve said.

[LunchBoxPolice]

So what’s he doing about it?

[Spied]

Sorry, but how are you feeding them if they are not allowed to see you?

[zoomzoghedgehog]

Legal advice sharpish

[wayovermyhead]

No I was not the other woman, we met 2 years after they had been seperated.

[LockdownMayhem]

@LadyEloise

Were you the "other woman" wayovermyhead ?
If you were, it might explain her animosity.

I was waiting for someone to ask this! Even if she was, it shouldn't allow her to use their children as pawns, just because she is angry (and if the OP were the OW, I would understand the anger, but it still doesn't excuse the behaviour).

OP, I echo the others and suggest getting a proper contact order in place to avoid these kind of random stipulations.

[Darkstar4855]

He needs to stand up for his kids. She doesn’t get to dictate where he can take them and if she’s refusing contact then he needs to take her to court.

[namechangeinamillion]

He needs to get a court order as others have said. It's sad but it's the only way he'll have any control over the situation.

[wayovermyhead]

@MzHz

He has started mediation which is the first step before a court will hear his case so I feel that is a very unfair assumption

[LastGoldenDaysOfSummer]

So sick of the predictable "were you the OW" nonsense. Pointless post.

[HaudYerWheeshtBawbag]

Saying he needs to get a court order isn’t as easy as going to buy a loaf of bread

Glad he’s taking the first steps, all you both can do is jump at her will until the mediation/court date.

Awful situation.

[Ohalrightthen]

YABU to insist anything, this is for your DP to manage. I'd stay out of it if i were you.

[Cocomarine]

I disagree that at this sort of age, meeting a new step sibling is more important that seeing their father. Their relationship with their father comes first. It all sounds rather rushed. What was the situation like are you had their first step sibling?

[anorangeaday]

Unless she has a court order she can’t really stop them can she?

[equuscaballus]

I have had this experience (I was not the OW either)

It took about six months before his ex got over herself and the situation resolved.

[Friendsoftheearth]

Your dp probably needs a court order, I am not sure this will resolve so easily, she seems to be changing the goal posts. Your SC deserve to feel at home and relaxed with their father, she sounds very jealous of you - I would get a court order.