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to expect my step children to be able to meet their new sister

(144 Posts)
wayovermyhead Thu 24-Sep-20 17:47:25

I have been with my partner for 4 years and we have a ds1 and a dd together who is 8 weeks old. He has 2 other children with his ex. Things have always been tense between them both, but just recently things have become very much worse. She is refusing to let him see his children unless he sees them at his mothers and is insisting that under no circumstances can they come to our house if I am there or to meet their new sister.

The reasons for this are constantly changing, including to many flies in the house although she has never been here, they are not fed enough, even though I feed them breakfast lunch and an evening meal which they have to eat at 4.30 as they leave at 5 to go home so rarely finish but who wants to eat that early? she claims I have an eating disorder and therefore mental health issues, which in reality was hypermesis with both pregnancies .

AIBU to expect her to accept he has another family as well as his first 2 children, that seeing their siblings is just as important as seeing their father and she shouldnt be able to dictate where my DP sees them.

OP’s posts: |
MandosHatHair Thu 24-Sep-20 17:51:09

YANBU, that's an awful thing for her to do.

gottakeeponmovin Thu 24-Sep-20 17:52:15

Well yes - surely unless she has a court order she can't stop him from taking the kids where he wants

Scweltish Thu 24-Sep-20 17:52:23

Why hasn’t he gone to court to get a contact order?

MidnightCitrus Thu 24-Sep-20 17:54:27

Scweltish

Why hasn’t he gone to court to get a contact order?

This!!

yoyo1234 Thu 24-Sep-20 18:00:02

YANBU especially with "She is refusing to let him see his children unless he sees them at his mothers and is insisting that under no circumstances can they come to our house if I am there or to meet their new sister."

Lockdownseperation Thu 24-Sep-20 18:02:37

He needs legal advice.

LadyEloise Thu 24-Sep-20 18:02:51

Were you the "other woman" wayovermyhead ?
If you were, it might explain her animosity.

MzHz Thu 24-Sep-20 18:03:55

Yet another pathetic bloke who won’t stand up for his kids.

Ffs!

MzHz Thu 24-Sep-20 18:05:08

LadyEloise

Were you the "other woman" wayovermyhead ?
If you were, it might explain her animosity.

Tbf, it doesn’t matter even if she were, the father doesn’t get to be dictated to about where he can see his kids. Not like this.

She has no right to do this

Thisisnotnormal69 Thu 24-Sep-20 18:05:19

Why has he not got a court order? Of course she’s unreasonable, those concerns aren’t legitimate at all from what you’ve said.

LunchBoxPolice Thu 24-Sep-20 18:06:02

So what’s he doing about it?

Spied Thu 24-Sep-20 18:06:47

Sorry, but how are you feeding them if they are not allowed to see you?

zoomzoghedgehog Thu 24-Sep-20 18:07:00

Legal advice sharpish

wayovermyhead Thu 24-Sep-20 18:07:54

No I was not the other woman, we met 2 years after they had been seperated.

OP’s posts: |
LockdownMayhem Thu 24-Sep-20 18:07:57

LadyEloise

Were you the "other woman" wayovermyhead ?
If you were, it might explain her animosity.

I was waiting for someone to ask this! Even if she was, it shouldn't allow her to use their children as pawns, just because she is angry (and if the OP were the OW, I would understand the anger, but it still doesn't excuse the behaviour).

OP, I echo the others and suggest getting a proper contact order in place to avoid these kind of random stipulations.

Darkstar4855 Thu 24-Sep-20 18:08:32

He needs to stand up for his kids. She doesn’t get to dictate where he can take them and if she’s refusing contact then he needs to take her to court.

namechangeinamillion Thu 24-Sep-20 18:11:17

He needs to get a court order as others have said. It's sad but it's the only way he'll have any control over the situation.

wayovermyhead Thu 24-Sep-20 18:11:39

@MzHz

He has started mediation which is the first step before a court will hear his case so I feel that is a very unfair assumption

OP’s posts: |
LastGoldenDaysOfSummer Thu 24-Sep-20 18:13:38

So sick of the predictable "were you the OW" nonsense. Pointless post.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag Thu 24-Sep-20 18:15:17

Saying he needs to get a court order isn’t as easy as going to buy a loaf of bread confused

Glad he’s taking the first steps, all you both can do is jump at her will until the mediation/court date.

Awful situation.

Ohalrightthen Thu 24-Sep-20 18:16:17

YABU to insist anything, this is for your DP to manage. I'd stay out of it if i were you.

Cocomarine Thu 24-Sep-20 18:18:13

I disagree that at this sort of age, meeting a new step sibling is more important that seeing their father. Their relationship with their father comes first. It all sounds rather rushed. What was the situation like are you had their first step sibling?

anorangeaday Thu 24-Sep-20 18:18:39

Unless she has a court order she can’t really stop them can she?

equuscaballus Thu 24-Sep-20 18:21:13

I have had this experience (I was not the OW either)

It took about six months before his ex got over herself and the situation resolved.

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