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to be worried, upset and exhausted

(49 Posts)
amijustlosingmymind Tue 22-Sep-20 00:16:58

My boss has asked me to phone her tomorrow and I’m so worried.

I have quite a stressful job. It’s technical, difficult and the work is constantly being piled on us.

I worked through lockdown at home with my 6 and 2 yr old...home schooling the 6 year old and just trying to manage the two year old. My husband, also a key worker, was out 5 days a week from 7:45 Til half five-ish.

My kids are now back at childminder and school and I’m doing 4 pick ups and drop off as day between them.

Most importantly and worryingly, I’ve taken a terrible bout of anxiety in work. I’ve been really badly trained and came back from mat leave last year (when DS was 1) and was thrown back into the job. I am floundering and constantly feel sick with nerves. I’ve spent the past two weeks crying most days at my inability to do the job and the more I look at the work the more I panic

I’m up at 4 most morning worried stiff and then it’s a vicious circle. To add insult to injury building works are being completed next door and the banging, drilling and noise is through the roof.

I’m a mess. I logged off today and logged back in tonight to see a message from my boss asking me “to call her when I’m back online..”

She’s noticed my absence. I just don’t know what to tell her. I’m exhausted from every aspect of my life and and worried about everything and feel pretty much Incapable at everything. The feeling is invading everything and I’m so worried.

What do I say to her? I feel ill and like an absolute moron

OP’s posts: |
amijustlosingmymind Tue 22-Sep-20 00:18:53

I should add I tend to log off and log back on at night when it’s quieter and there’s not a chorus of noise from next door.

I just can’t continue but also feel like I can’t tell my boss how terrible I feel

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OptimisticSix Tue 22-Sep-20 00:22:36

I don't know the answer but I feel for you. I was in a similar situation last year, nothing to do with covid, but I was working from home, badly trained for a technical job and trying to juggle everything. It was hideous. I had to quit in the end because there really wasn't anything else I could do. I am much happiet (although significantly poorer) now...

That said quitting may not work for you, perhaps you can just be honest with your boss. Perhaps I should have been. After all what have you got to lose?

amijustlosingmymind Tue 22-Sep-20 00:28:06

@OptimisticSix

I wouldn’t be able to quit. I know I’ve been slacking over recent weeks but my mental health is just not up to it. I’m infuriated that I’m allowing myself to feel so terrible at the job.

I know I need to tell my boss. She’s a nice girl and I think she’d be helpful. I’m just so worried I get sacked for slacking the past few weeks but I feel like I’ve nothing left in me anymore after the past 6 months

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amijustlosingmymind Tue 22-Sep-20 00:30:14

I’m also now terrified that I get flamed on here. Honestly I’ve just turned into a shell of myself and I can’t see a Way out. Crying is not like me as well and it seems to be my default setting these days

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CSIblonde Tue 22-Sep-20 00:30:41

I'd go off sick with 'a persistent cough' to buy some time, you sound at breaking point. Send an email saying that you've no voice left, but here is what's pending & urgent & add that you feel you need training on the aspects you're struggling with. That should head her off at the pass & make you feel more like you're not drowning. Your cough can clear up & be self certifying chest infection (bringing up phlegm, achey,fever etc). The time will give you breathing space from the total exhaustion of worrying about it all & time to consider options like do you want to stay if training & recognition of too heavy workload is addressed.

DonnaQuixotedelaManchester Tue 22-Sep-20 00:35:49

If you don't mind me saying, you are seeing this situation through the lense of anxiety - not as it actually is.

The whole world is struggling now as this is unprecedented. You are doing fine - it is the situation that is difficult. Ease up on yourself and perhaps lower your expectations for a while (make things as easy as possible at home). I would write some things down on paper that you feel comfortable saying to your boss but all you need to say is that you have done your best. You have. She will be feeling the same way. x.

AlexaShutUp Tue 22-Sep-20 00:43:29

OP, you sound at the end of your tether. The current situation does not sound sustainable. Your boss sounds like a reasonable, decent person. Please do consider telling her. As a manager, I would want to know if a member of staff was struggling to this extent, and I would appreciate their honesty in telling me about it. I would not judge, and I would not sack someone for going through a rough patch if their work was generally good.

If you can't tell your boss, please go and see your GP. Tbh, you should probably go anyway. The last few months have obviously been tough for you and you don't sound well. The GP may be able to help.

In the meantime, are there any friends or family who can help with practical stuff while you get yourself back on an even keel? Is DH doing his fair share? Does he know how much you're struggling? Could he do more?

amijustlosingmymind Tue 22-Sep-20 01:17:56

@AlexaShutUp

DH is great tbh and when he’s here he pulls his weight. I cannot complain about him at all. He’s a hard worker and does his absolute best.

I’m just needing a rest I think. I can’t get anything done for being in a blind panic.

I know it sounds daft too but we had booked a holiday At the start of January before the pandemic started To go away in October. We just lost £700 because the tour operator wanted £1000 extra to change the holiday dates as my DH cannot quarantine on return. It’s just been another blow to lose that money.

I’ve never had so any bad reviews in work, last one was in August so I think I just need to say how I feel and be honest.

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Susannahmoody Tue 22-Sep-20 01:24:30

She probably wants to ask you how she can be of support.

If you were a good employee pre mat leave they won't want to lose you. Could you reduce your hours?

Thisisnotnormal69 Tue 22-Sep-20 01:25:24

You are being HORRIBLE to yourself!! (I am good at that too grin ) but honestly you sound like you’re working bloody hard to keep everything together. If you think your boss would be supportive I would tell her. Life is hard for a lot of people now so it’s not unreasonable at all.

And please don’t be nasty to yourself, think what you would say to a friend in this position.

Susannahmoody Tue 22-Sep-20 01:25:35

My kids are now back at childminder and school and I’m doing 4 pick ups and drop off as day between them^^

2 kids, 2 different places, both drop off and pick up? That's 2 hours a day right there

DeliaOwens Tue 22-Sep-20 01:47:43

OP, I didn't want to read and run.
That kind is stress is like a stone in your shoe...you are walking around feeling the pain but not stopping to remove the stone! Firstly, have a frank talk with your husband. It is important you are both on the same page. He may be oblivious.
Your boss might be concerned, after all she has a duty of care. Say you are pleased she called and speak with her.
Explain you are feeling overwhelmed lately and working early/late to catch up. Explain you believe training is necessary and maybe a session with someone who does your role or a similar one, might give you tips/tricks to plough on. Offer a solution as well As a problem.
If you feel unable to speak frankly, for fear of reprisal, you may need to see your GP and get a letter signing you off.
However it goes, something has to change here, or you will end up with burnout and recovery could be long and slow.

MillyMollyFarmer Tue 22-Sep-20 01:55:42

I’m sorry you feel this way. You are not alone. I would speak honestly with your boss and say you’re having a small mental health crisis and could you possibly have some time to unwind and rest for a bit? I really think she’ll be understanding given the circumstances. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are doing just fine. Everyone is allowed to have moments where they need to rest their mind and body and recharge. That’s all it is. I would also recommend an app called Headspace and one called Anxiety relief.

Elsewyre Tue 22-Sep-20 02:00:12

"I have quite a stressful job. It’s technical, difficult and the work is constantly being piled on us."

So fairly hard to replace you quickly?

amijustlosingmymind Tue 22-Sep-20 02:03:14

Thank you so much to everyone who’s got back time. It means a lot.

I know I’m slacking and not working to full capacity and I’ll need to be honest about it. I think the past drew months (for everyone) has hit hard. I coasted through it at the time on high energy and positivity but it’s waned and I’ve crashed big time. This along with feeling rubbish at my job has just resulted in me being in a constant state of panic.

I’m glad I got it out and you all listened.

My husband is aware and honestly couldn’t do more. He does dishes, tidies up, puts washings in, hangs them up, does reading with my elder DC. I do these things too but it’s not solely my responsibility- he carried the load too. He’s really good so there’s no DH bashing at all from me. And he listens (is very pragmatic and wants me to speak to boss)

OP’s posts: |
AnotherEmma Tue 22-Sep-20 02:38:04

It sounds as if you are struggling with stress and anxiety and could do with talking to your GP. I think you should do that and consider getting signed off sick for a bit. Your mental health is important. If you have a supportive boss perhaps you could tell them you've been struggling with your mental health? Ultimately you'll need to discuss the issues you're having at work so they can help you improve things but I think you need to give yourself a break first to focus on feeling better before you can do that.

Leafbeans Tue 22-Sep-20 03:54:52

Can you take some annual leave? It won't solve everything, but a breather can sometimes be a good starting point. Also it might be worth identifying what you are struggling with at work, is the amount? The work itself?

Monty27 Tue 22-Sep-20 04:02:31

Good luck OP. Hopefully she's going to offer support. If she doesn't then fess up and ask for it. flowers

OldWomanSaysThis Tue 22-Sep-20 04:10:23

You are in good company. People started out strong, but months into this, it's all starting to fall apart.... mentally, emotionally... ugh. Just awful.

Doryhunky Tue 22-Sep-20 04:56:30

You are not slacking! You are ill. I had similar and ended Up telling my boss. As I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Handsoffisback Tue 22-Sep-20 05:08:16

Be honest and tell your manager you are having MH issues. Tell her you’ve booked a GPappointment (do it today), then go off sick for 7 days. You are driving yourself mad. You need space.

Monty27 Tue 22-Sep-20 05:31:36

OP you're manager might even care about you.
She does after all have a duty of care. You need to open up but you don't have to tell her private stuff. Unless you want to and trust her.
Simply tell her work life balance as it is isn't working for you.
I hope you have a sympathetic ear and best of luck 👍

OrchidJewel Tue 22-Sep-20 05:58:52

Morning op, dont tell her your having MH issues. This is a disaster in my Company if its mentioned. All sorts of flagging to HR and being directed to health insurance counselling. It may not be in yours. Outline briefly what you have said here paying particular attention to your training (or lack thereof) use words like overwhelmed and exhausted, be confident and stick to facts. See if you before can identify areas of your job that you need to go over with someone and/or come up with a sort of solution that maybe someone else could take some areas (I dont know your job obviously) . This then pushes some back to her

I had to get my DH to help me word this when I was at my low as I couldn't think clearly. Would your DH be good at that side? You need to get your point across clearly without too much emotion but just enough. I took time off (they had no choice I had holidays) I took those few weeks to look after myself and identify areas that I could and couldn't do/change in my job and life, I went through my day and identified everything that triggered me (ie one person in work sending emails about something sent me spiralling, I was able to get rid of that stress) taking regular exercise during the day etc (you have a good DH).

Building works are awful at the best of times but heightened when your going through this is 10 times worse, you feel you are going insane. Work around thsy if you can.

They have to look after you OP so dont be nervous or worried about standing up for yourself and trying to sort out you have every right

HumousWhereTheHeartIs Tue 22-Sep-20 06:04:45

Try to speak to your GP. Maybe you can get a couple of weeks' rest for your mental health.
But you should be as honest as you feel you can be with your line manager. I hope you get the support you need

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