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Threw DH out of the house this morning

(327 Posts)
BouncyBaby2 Mon 21-Sep-20 12:53:29

I threw my husband out of the house this morning (not as in, we split up but told him to go work from one of his local offices.) During the pandemic he's been working from the dining room table - every day. He has two monitors on, leads everywhere and phones/boxes/testing kit all over the shop. Our DS2 is just turning 22 months old and climbs up onto the chairs in the dining room, then onto the table. He also crawls under the table and turns DH's power-lead off and on, and off and on. He grabs DH's laptop and presses keys, bashes his toys all over the monitor, spills drinks and food everywhere over all the equipment. I literally spend ALL my time trying to either contain him in other rooms when we're in the house, or freaking out trying to stop him wrecking DH's workspace.

This morning DH had logged on as normal, took DS1 to school and then came back and tried to get on with some work. Started a zoom call with one of his supervisees; DS1 gave up playing in the other room as soon as he heard dad's voice and came running in. Climbed on the chair, tried to grab his headset. I removed him from the arena of conflict..........cue meltdown. DH had to end the call due to the screaming. He tried to then get on with some emails. I calmed DS1 down, went to the toilet. Next thing I hear is "Oh FFS!!!". Returned pretty quickly to see DS1 sat on the table right next to DH's laptop. They were engaged in some kind of mild combat, with DH swearing and trying to remove the machine out of the way whilst DS1 grabbed at it and then the headset and leads.

I picked DS1 up and he had another tantrum. DH shouted "I can't work in this circus!" I felt really stressed and lost my temper. I told DH to just fuck off to one of his offices, that he had no idea how bloody stressful it was trying to manage a rampant toddler whilst he worked. He shouted back "that's well out of order, now I've got to find an office to work in," and gathered up his equipment in a rage and stormed off.

I feel a bit guilty now but honestly, I've had enough of him working from home. I can't manage the day without it turning into a conflict at some point. He's on calls/zoom meetings all the time, he refuses to move his workspace upstairs because he needs two monitors to work and a good cable connection. I just don't want him all day every day whilst I'm also trying to provide a comfortable, free environment for the boys. I also arrange playdates with friends and their little ones, and tomorrow I've got two other little boys coming over....and a baby. They'll be everywhere. I want him to work in his offices on the days I've got kids here (I work myself 3 days a week) so don't mind him being here on those days.

Was IBU to throw him out of the house and to expect him to go into an office???

OP’s posts: |
AriettyHomily Mon 21-Sep-20 12:55:47

Why didn't you just shut the door?

Purplewithred Mon 21-Sep-20 12:57:24

YANBU. It's completely unfair on your DS and on you, he's being a selfish git.

I've been going into the office once a week to work just to get out of the house and I only have DH and grownup DD here. I'm surprised your DH hasn't fled back to the office to get some peace already.

SparklyLeprechaun Mon 21-Sep-20 12:57:59

Doesn't the dining room have a door?

FourPlasticRings Mon 21-Sep-20 12:58:37

Install a safety gate on the dining room door? I don't think you were being unreasonable, but there's probably a work-around here.

Letseatgrandma Mon 21-Sep-20 12:59:03

Is your dining room open plan?

BouncyBaby2 Mon 21-Sep-20 13:00:04


DS1 opens doors. He can't be contained in one room for long, and besides, I really don't think that's fair to expect him to be. The way to the garden is also through the dining room so if he wants to play outside, which he does a lot, he has to go through the dining room to get there.

OP’s posts: |
Sparklfairy Mon 21-Sep-20 13:01:48


Install a safety gate on the dining room door? I don't think you were being unreasonable, but there's probably a work-around here.

Probably won't stop the meltdowns and screaming.

Young kids and WFH don't mix very well. If you were supposed to be minding him (i.e. not working) why was your back turned long enough that he able to wreak such havoc multiple times?

That said, your DH commandeering the dining room table isn't ideal if the office is an option.

ThePlantsitter Mon 21-Sep-20 13:02:00

I don't think YABU because I can see both sides, but I think things are difficult for everyone at the moment. Having someone working in the house all day when you're trying to corale kids is bloody awful but so is trying to work among the chaos of small kids.

When you've all calmed down you need a chat about how things can be improved. Unfortunately it looks like we're in this for the long haul.

Lockheart Mon 21-Sep-20 13:02:10

You might be fed up of him WFH but it sounds like he's fed up of WFH too. I don't think either of you are right in this scenario.

Presumably he doesn't check out completely of family life if he's doing the school run for your eldest around work.

It sounds like your youngest is interrupting him a lot during the day. Can't the door be closed?

memememe Mon 21-Sep-20 13:02:27

find a way to keep your ds entertained and our of the dining room. a stair gate? a door? can your dh work upstairs? sounds like ds thinks its a game grabbing daddys stuff. does he get told off when he does it? could you go out for the morning for a long walk somewhere then lunch and nap for ds means the day will almost be done.

DramaDromedary Mon 21-Sep-20 13:02:29

YAAbsolutelyNBU. That is all.

ThePlantsitter Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:02

Can you swap the dining room and living room just while this is going on?

LastInTheQueue Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:05

If the dining room has a door, he should close it.
It’s your DH’s responsibility to set up his work area so that it’s not accessible to a small child.

HeeeeyDuggee Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:13

Can you not shut the door? I’ve got two under two at home right now with DH working from home for the foreseeable. He uses the dining room so I keep the kids in the living room / garden / kitchen / bedrooms for play time etc we all have lunch together but otherwise we just avoid that room

SpaceOP Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:25

Home workers, almost always men, who seem to think it's okay to take over the communal space never cease to amaze me. While kids were being homeschooled, I was mostly working on my bed because the only table is downstairs and it wasn't fair to ask them to be tiptoeing around all day. You were not unreasonable to want this over. Although possibly attempting to discuss it with him BEFORe you totally lost your rag might have been a good idea? grin

Aquamarine1029 Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:54

You don't have a bedroom he can work out of?

Cheeseandwin5 Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:55

To be fair, I doubt he wants to be getting stressed.
The situation is how it is and I think you both need to talk to get things working better for both of you.
Do you actually work OP? How would you feel if your DH lost his job because of your attitude?

DDiva Mon 21-Sep-20 13:03:56

YANBU altho might have been better to have a conversation before it got to this. If he had office space available he should have looked into it before now, him with is not ideal for any of you....

MaskingForIt Mon 21-Sep-20 13:04:04

You sound like a drama queen and he sounds like a twat.

Get a baby gate, shut the door and get him to fit a lock on the inside of he really needs it.

chrislilleyswig Mon 21-Sep-20 13:04:05


Working from home it hard enough.

As a op said, put a stair gate over the door to stop DS getting in

We've been told to work from home where we can

Surely you should be supportive.

msbevvy Mon 21-Sep-20 13:04:12

Put a lock on the door if there isn't one already and maybe play some music or something so he is not so aware of your DH's voice.

I feel sorry for him trying to work under those conditions. He might have no choice but to be working from home if/when things get bad again.

Boysnme Mon 21-Sep-20 13:04:48

We were in this position too although granted with children a bit older and not toddlers. Wfh is now going to be long term so we’ve hd to find a way of rearranging our space for me to have my own ‘office space’ away from everyone else. It’s made such a difference. Is there anything like this you can do?

JontyDoggle37 Mon 21-Sep-20 13:05:01

Have you got room/money for a garden building that could be used as an office?

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts Mon 21-Sep-20 13:06:18

Well done for getting this far before exploding! I cheered the day my DH was called back to the office. Honestly, lockdown and Working from home has been a huge test for many relationships and it’s unlikely to end anytime soon by the sounds of it. Can you sit down calmly with DH tonight and work out a way to physicAlly separate his workspace from the dC? Lots of good suggestions above.
Also, take time to congratulate yourselves on getting this far without killing each other.
My DH is about to start 2 months gardening leave next week so I expect I’ll be back for advice mid-October!

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