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Why is my child always the crazy one? I feel like a total loser.

(169 Posts)
lasangoles Mon 21-Sep-20 10:50:06

I'm sat in my car crying after another failed attempt at a toddler class that I was so much looking forward to. My son is 2 next month, and I signed him up to a toddler dance class for 18m+. All of the other kids vaguely followed what the teacher was asking, however my son was trying to run out of the door, trying to go through people's bags, pinching other childrens' instruments, etc etc. I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one'

I realise how pathetic I am to cry over this but I am just so overwhelmed by it. I was so looking forward to it and it is yet another fail.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? I really am trying to be a good mum. I don't pander to his bad behaviour. I told him if he carried on misbehaving I would take him home, and I did. He talks a lot less than other kids his age. I feel like a shitty failure.

OP’s posts: |
BehindtheBump Mon 21-Sep-20 10:52:55

Maybe do fewer focussed classes and more free-play based playgroups and preschools?

Anniemabel Mon 21-Sep-20 10:54:44

Don’t worry about it. He probably just isn’t that into dancing. If he is more interested in the contents of people’s bags and what might be outside the door than what’s going on in the lesson then that’s what he’ll do at that age.

Once you find something he’s interested in you’ll probably find he seems more “compliant”. My kids wouldn’t have cooperated in a dance class at that age but they would have sat still and watched a tractor drive up and down a field for an hour!

Zoecarter Mon 21-Sep-20 10:57:35

Dose he go to nursery?? Is he an only child? My son was exactly like this since starting nursery he kinda gets it more now x

lasangoles Mon 21-Sep-20 10:59:13

He's an only child, he goes to a childminder, not nursery. I can't afford our local nurseries. I am a lone parent and his dad is not in his life due to safeguarding issues. I'm so tired. I was just really, really looking forward to seeing him enjoy being around other children. It just ended in a tantrum and everyone staring at me as I walked out the door.

OP’s posts: |
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Mon 21-Sep-20 10:59:28

I honestly think most kids at this age are feral. The last birthday party I went to of all kids this age was like The Hunger Games.

Cut the organised "formatted" classes that rely on compliance and get him somewhere he can run off steam.

katmarie Mon 21-Sep-20 11:00:25

You are not a failure. Your toddler is confident and inquisitive. Those are really important traits. You mention that he needs to be socialised more, and that's fine, he will get used to these kinds of classes if you keep going to them. But he's not going to 'get' how to behave in them at the first session. It will take a few sessions for him to develop an idea of what's expected. That doesn't mean he's badly behaved or badly parented, he's just young, and has a lot to learn. it sounds like you are paranoid from the start that he's going to behave badly. Maybe if you try and see it not as bad behaviour (because he's really not capable of behaving deliberately badly at this age) and reframe it in your mind as him not knowing what good behaviour is, you can help him to understand what he can do, rather than worrying about what he shouldn't do.

It's really up to you if you want to keep trying, if you do, then hold your head up and brazen it out, I guarantee that no one there is thinking badly of you, they are just glad it's not their little one this time, and knowing that it probably will be next time. If you don't want to keep trying, then don't put yourself through that. Your little one will probably go to nursery or pre school at some point? He will get plenty of socialising then. There is no need to torment yourself over it at this point.

teawithbetty Mon 21-Sep-20 11:00:46

Poor you OP.

I wouldn’t worry about him not following instructions per se. I do think though some parents get a bit blind to their own kids behaviour. It’s perfectly fine to firmly say NO to going through people’s bags and move him away. I’m not saying that you don’t do this by the way but while there will be a lot of posts saying this is normal (and it is) it’s also something parents can and should be managing.

They don’t just socialise by being plonked in a room with other kids - they are like dogs and need training grin

Wide Mon 21-Sep-20 11:00:56

I once took my toddler to a dance class and he wasn't interested either and wasn't following the instructions so we didn't go to that one again but we did go to free play groups, my son was always the one to run around on the school run when picking up his sister and would never sit in his pushchair he'd be the escaping boy that I would always have to chase but do you know what stuff what anyone thinks yes as the person commented there is always one and I'd rather have the child with personality than one that shys away not wanting to join in anything so maybe he will just know himself more as he gets older my son now is 6 and goes to football and streetdance and is really outgoing, another 6 Yr old was roaring at football the other day storming off infront of all the parent shouting this is trash this is junk because he didn't want to do the training and just knuckle down to the football match. It's hard having young children it really is especially when you feel all eyes on you, just go to a different type of group if he doesn't like this one not all children are the same smile

LilyLongJohn Mon 21-Sep-20 11:01:02

I had one of those. I had one 'lovely, life and souls of the party, polite, everyone loved her' and the second one was the 'crazy' one.

I found that structured play was a disaster. have you tried trampolining, free play groups etc. Mine just couldn't cope with anything structured, she was great when she could flit from one activity to the next without anyone telling her which she had to do next. Didn't help that she had/still has the attention span of a goldfish

Bluntness100 Mon 21-Sep-20 11:01:27

Ach op don’t stress about this, he’s just not interested in dancing.

BrowncoatWaffles Mon 21-Sep-20 11:01:43

You're not a shitty failure. I can relate to this so completely. I took DD to Sing and Sign for a soul destroying term. All the other kids sang, signed, looked adorable, sat pretty still. She wanted to stand up, run about, she just wasn't interested in it at all. I spent each week trying to wrestle her into staying on my lap (after week two where I let her stand and roam free a bit thinking that might help and she touched a poorly-secured fire extinguisher on the wall nearby and it fell on her). By the end of the half an hour I was always red faced, exhausted and near to tears.

I signed up for the second term, drove up for the first class. Looked at her, felt the tears rising and drove off and decided against.

In the end we did swimming and she loved that and it gave her a bit of social time and focus and I could legitimately hold her through most of the class

Most kids are like this. Cut yourself some slack. Go grab a coffee and get a snack for him. You did the right thing giving him a warning and then following it through. That is good parenting.

And the 'there's always one' parent? They can cock right off.

RainbowFlowers Mon 21-Sep-20 11:01:50

The person who said there's always one was way out of order. Was it just a joke in an attempt to lighten the mood?

At that age there should be hardly any expectations on their behaviour. If you think it may helps, talk to the leader just to voice your concerns as I'm sure they will reassure you that your little one is not as disruptive as you feel.

Also it might help to get their first so you both have more time to settle and to sit right at the front to help with focus.

Please don't see this as a failure. Little ones are hard work.

Wide Mon 21-Sep-20 11:02:21

Oh and also my son didn't talk until around 3 years old due to glue ear so that's half the reason he wouldn't listen to me saying don't run off etc and not due to bad behaviour so if he's talking late etc don't worry too much or get his hearing checked

HelplessProcrastinator Mon 21-Sep-20 11:02:36

My daughter was exactly the same. Completely hyper and the bad influence as other kids would copy her. I really wish I hadn’t tried so hard with structured classes. She still hates them at nearly 13. Definitely just go for toddler groups where he can follow his own interests, or just take him to the park. We have got a fab forest school with preschool that I wish had existed when DD was small.

ShyTown Mon 21-Sep-20 11:03:21

That sounds perfectly normal for not even 2. The person who made the rude comment actually hit the nail on the head because there is always one toddler who isn’t feeling it, didn’t nap well, doesn’t want to listen etc. This time it was yours but next time it will be someone else’s so don’t beat yourself up about it! My guess is that the others have been going for a while and their children are just more familiar with the routine and structure of class. But you might be better off forgetting the dance class and going for a playgroup that’s a bit more free flow - you and your DS would probably have much more fun!

lilmishap Mon 21-Sep-20 11:03:23

I honestly think most kids at this age are feral. The last birthday party I went to of all kids this age was like The Hunger Games

OP I don't agree it's all kids but it is a lot of kids, I also found my toddlers only paid attention some days and usually not for the first session of anything!

You're not a loser by any stretch of the imagination, but as the parent of a 7 year old who was always that kid, I feel your pain!

vanillandhoney Mon 21-Sep-20 11:03:31

Oh, bless you flowers

He's still very young - maybe structured classes are too much for him at the moment? I know lots of soft-plays are closed, but what about trampoline parks or a big outdoor adventure playground where he can run about and play with other children without so many restrictions?

Anordinarymum Mon 21-Sep-20 11:04:29

lasangoles

I'm sat in my car crying after another failed attempt at a toddler class that I was so much looking forward to. My son is 2 next month, and I signed him up to a toddler dance class for 18m+. All of the other kids vaguely followed what the teacher was asking, however my son was trying to run out of the door, trying to go through people's bags, pinching other childrens' instruments, etc etc. I could feel everyone looking at me. He really needs to socialise with other children, but is always the crazy one. Someone made a comment 'there's always one'

I realise how pathetic I am to cry over this but I am just so overwhelmed by it. I was so looking forward to it and it is yet another fail.

Can anyone help me feel better about this? I really am trying to be a good mum. I don't pander to his bad behaviour. I told him if he carried on misbehaving I would take him home, and I did. He talks a lot less than other kids his age. I feel like a shitty failure.

Oh boy. Your child sounds perfectly normal to me OP !

I would add, he is probably very bright and needs more stimulation than most.

Why not try another activity. My two year old grandson goes to tots football and loves it.

MuchTooTired Mon 21-Sep-20 11:05:01

Blimey, you’re not a shitty failure! I totally get where you’re coming from though, I felt the same when I attempted to take my DTs to a dancing toddler group around the same age. Neither had any real interest in following what the other very well behaved children were doing and kept running off to bounce on a gym mattress on the side. At one point they recruited a couple of others to join their mutiny. I never went back!

Whilst there is normally one, it doesn’t mean it’ll always be yours. I could be there and it’ll be one of mine It’s not a reflection of your parenting, he’s still very much a baby and the world is fantastic and exciting. My two are 2.5 now and are much more reasonable and are starting to respond better to both being disciplined and following instructions, but they’re not perfect and have a way to go! If the dance class wasn’t for him don’t worry, try again when he’s a bit older and just stick to activities where he can run around having fun rather than needing to follow a structured class.

Hahaha88 Mon 21-Sep-20 11:05:43

Hun if he doesn't have much in the way of communication skills how do you expect him to manage a dance class? And even if he did he's only 2, his attention span is extremely short. You're not a bad mother at all. You've just chosen the wrong activity. He needs an unstructured play group

Jubaju Mon 21-Sep-20 11:07:17

Can you try a baby gym? Safe and cab run about as much as he wants

mediumperiperi Mon 21-Sep-20 11:09:40

My son was the same so we didn't do any baby classes and he's ended up fine.
The first time he did an "organized activity" was age 3 and it was the sort of thing that had no sitting down to listen.
He's an adult now but never had detentions at school for behaviour and has had no problems making friends at pre-school and nursery. He wasn't negatively affected by not doing any baby class imo

fishywaters Mon 21-Sep-20 11:09:52

Your toddler sounds like a lovely, energetic and inquisitive little boy. I bet he will be really sporty! Take him for a run in the forests, little kickers football/rugby etc with you outside instead. Some children have more physical energy from the beginning and it is tiring for the parents, especially if you are on your own. I think it will be best if you learn to bond with him physically and exercise with him. Not all children can be the quieter sitting types who like to colour and listen and follow instructions.

Pippa12 Mon 21-Sep-20 11:10:25

My little girl co-operated with structured classes, my little boy absolutely no chance. Even now at 4 he doesn’t want to do ‘structured’ classes. He liked free play but music/dance etc were just a waste of money. I wouldn’t waste anymore thoughts on it and take him to the park to roam free!

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