Am I? Flatmate beef

[AuntieJoyce]

DD has been living with me during lockdown and has recently returned to her London shared flat (2 people). During the last 6 months there has been a change in the flatmate and new flatmate has had the place to herself for three months. DD has been paying her rent and half the bills throughout.

Now DD is back, things are kicking off and I have offered to get the MN opinion as she is not on MN. Sorry seem to have lost ability to set up voting (is this a premium thing now?)

DD is working three days in office, two days in flat whilst sitting in the living room. Flatmate has had a go at her as she can't hold patient calls whilst DD is working in the lounge and it is apparently unprofessional to hold these in her bedroom. So far so missing the irony of making DD work in her bedroom instead. DD has a few calls but both of us have worked comfortably in one room for 6 months, using headsets when we need to be confidential.

Today it has kicked off again. DD has an ensuite and pays £200 more than flatmate for her room because of this. Flatmate has use of house bathroom. DD used the flat bathroom today as she was in the middle of cleaning hers and needed to go.

Flatmate has now texted and asked her not to use "her bathroom". DD has pointed out respectfully that it is not "her bathroom" it is on the landing for both to use. Flatmate says "given yours is attached to your room there is no need to use the other one"

This isn't us is it?

[GoldfishParade]

I think your DD is massively unreasonable tbh. I'm sorry.

The flatmate seems to work in some kind of medical capacity ("patient"). It probably does look unprofessional to have the bedroom in the background. Your daughters room is probably larger if it also has an ensuite. She could work in there.

Your daughter has an ensuite bathroom, by agreement the other bathroom belongs to the flatmate. I'm not sure how cleaning a bathroom prevents you from using it.

[awsomer]

RE the bathroom. I’d suggest your DD reminds her flatmate that she pays £200 for the use of private bathroom and if flatmate wants to claim the main bathroom as her own private bathroom then that’s fine as long as payments are adjusted to reflect that.

[Pleasebeafleabite]

No it's not you. Your DD should tell her flatmate to pay half the bills if she wants sole use of the bathroom.

[awsomer]

Is there a kitchen that one of them could work in?

[WorraLiberty]

Well no it's not 'us' because your DD is an adult and I think you're in danger of being overly involved here.

Both should work in their bedrooms.

The toilet thing is petty and I don't think your DD should dignify it with anything other than an eye roll.

[LouLouLoupee]

Why can’t they take turns using the living room if that’s where they both prefer but is unsuitable for both at the same time. Your DD has to be aware she is going in and disrupting someone who has created their own routine based on their circumstances and your DD is forcing that to change.

And the same goes for the bathroom, unless it’s a cavernous flat I can see why one flat mate would assume that 2 people and 2 bathrooms means one each. At least your DD wouldn’t be responsible for cleaning the other one.

[IncandescentSilver]

Landlord here. The flatmate is being entirely unreasonable. The lease will specify that the bathroom is shared, or if it doesn't, the implication is that it is shared. Likewise, it will be implied that the en suite is private to the bedroom that it serves, as to access it you would have to go through a non-shared bedroom.

The living room is likewise shared and neither flatmate's need to privacy trumps the others.

I actually shocked at the poster above who thinks the mention of "patient calls" somehow means the other flatmate should have special rights to privacy in the shared living room - seriously?

The flatmate sounds difficult to live with. Thats a nightmare for a landlord as well as a tenant.

[Heptember]

On the the work space thing I think your DD is being a bit unreasonable. On the bathroom thing, I think the flatmate is being a bit unreasonable. No idea where you come into it.

Bit of maturity needed all round I think.

[PerveenMistry]

@LouLouLoupee

Why can’t they take turns using the living room if that’s where they both prefer but is unsuitable for both at the same time. Your DD has to be aware she is going in and disrupting someone who has created their own routine based on their circumstances and your DD is forcing that to change.

And the same goes for the bathroom, unless it’s a cavernous flat I can see why one flat mate would assume that 2 people and 2 bathrooms means one each. At least your DD wouldn’t be responsible for cleaning the other one.

This overlooks that DD is paying significantly more.

[holdmysocks]

Living room and bathroom are communal. She cannot dictate your DD's use of either, cheeky cow.

Tell your DD not to get into an argument, just to continue doing what she wants. "I have as much right to this room as you do" is the only phrase she needs.

[AuntieJoyce]

Thanks for replies. To answer question DD is lead tenant and there is nothing about flatmate having exclusive use of bathroom.

Well no it's not 'us' because your DD is an adult and I think you're in danger of being overly involved here

Fair enough. My over involved hackles are up a bit

[AuntieJoyce]

Oh and she'd just stuck a load of bleach down the loo then needed a wee, hence using the other bathroom

[Wolfiefan]

Why on Earth should being part way through cleaning her bathroom mean she can’t use the toilet??

[BanjoStarz]

If DD only needs the living room for two days then flatmate gets it the other three - seems fair surely?

On the bathroom as a PP has said I’d be really tempted to point out I pay extra for the en suite and if flat mate wants to claim the shared bathroom as solely theirs they should also pay the equivalent extra.

In reality because DD still has to live there I’d let the bathroom slide in favour of semi-decent housemate relations.

[Brendabigbaps]

Your daughter is BU for not peeing before she bleached! She must have known she needed a pee

[OverTheRainbow88]

I’d say they can either both work in lounge, or both in their bedrooms, or one in lounge in morning and then swap in the afternoon.

Bathroom wise your DD can use her en-suite or the main one.

[AnneTwacky]

If living room and bathroom are shared spaces according to the contract then your Dad has every right to use them as she pleases.

Unfortunately for her flatmate, she doesn't have the right to exclusive use of a shared space even though she's taking patient's calls.

Sounds like flatmate needs their own flat and the privacy that comes with that but your Dd should not be forced to live in her bedroom because of this.

The flatmate needs to suck it up as they chose to live in a flatshare or find accommodation that's not shared.

[Laaalaaaa]

Was she planning cleaning the bathroom too or does that get left to the flat mate?

[misskatamari]

I think in terms of workspace, dd may be being a bit unreasonable. However I imagine flatmate is using the lounge for the days when dd is out at work? So maybe a compromise of splitting the two other days equally? So one day in bedrooms each would be fair. Okay having a bedroom in the background might not be ideal on calls, but it is what it is at the moment. People just have to suck it up, make so, and patients should be understanding that that's just how things go at the moment when people are having to work from home.

In terms on the bathroom dd is not being unreasonable at all! If flatmate wants sole use of it then she should be paying equal rent (or arguably slightly more if it is a big bathroom compared to a small en-suite).

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Sounds to me like the flatmate got too used to being sole occupant and thinks of herself that way now. However, when sole occupant, she was being heavily subsidised by your daughter.

Personally, I'd be telling the flatmate that if she wants her home to herself, she needs to go looking for somewhere to move to, because this flat is shared.

[DoIneed1]

Honestly I think that dd's flatmate has got used to having the place to herself and needs to readjust her expectations now that your dd is back.

[OhCaptain]

Why doesn't she offer the flat bathroom to flatmate for an extra £100 pm. So they're both paying £100 for exclusive use of one bathroom?

Regarding working in the lounge, it's a tougher one. In the interest of fairness both should probably work in their bedrooms. A cheap ikea desk and chair as a work space?

[Rose789]

The flat mate has been there for 3 months and will have got into a routine. Your daughter should have talked to her and both made a plan for what would work WFH in communal areas. Your daughter sounds like she’s just plonked herself down and expected the flatmate to work around her.

[MJMG2015]

Jesus there are some weird replies!!

Your DD is entitled to use the household bathroom as & when she pleases. If flatmate wants sole use, that's fine - but then the rent needs adjusting.

The living room is also for both to use. Flatmate can set herself up in the bedroom with a neutral background & no one will know she's working in her bedroom. If she can't work that out, I question if she should be doing the job she's doing.

She's got a little too comfortable having the flat to herself & she needs to either move into a place in her own or accept it's a flat share.

Your DD needs to stand up for herself and tell the flatmate to stop being so ridiculous & keep a dated log of the issues and if it doesn't settle down, speak to the landlord. It's horrible to live somewhere there's an 'atmosphere'.

Your DD has discussed this with you and asked you to post on here- just ignore the daft comments about being too involved!