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To of had enough of the shit??

(35 Posts)
ohbrightlight Thu 17-Sep-20 00:06:32

Have named changed for this as potentially outing.

I will admit i have been far from the perfect child. I rebelled quite hard in my early 20s because I felt unloved and unsupported and the only people who wants to spend time with me were unfortunately the wrong people and I got involved heavily with drinking and drugs.

Hit a bad depression when i was 18 when my best friend died. I spent 5 years of my life basically not leaving the house and not wanting to communicate with anyone. I couldn't even talk to my parents about it because "I just needed to get over it". Yes they sent me to an expensive therapist but it wasnt working because I wasnt getting support at home.

I have a minor disability and I have always felt this has been brushed under the carpet. Yes they had me attend the appointments I needed to but my family were never told about my disability until about 5 months ago and it's just made me feel like it is a shameful secret and my parents didn't want anyone knowing because they didn't want people knowing I was different.

I have a sister who is complete opposite- stunningly pretty (i am overweight and even if i wasnt i would be average looking), very bright and very much the golden child. I was expected to live up to be the same and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't be.

Anyway. As I said rebelled past few years and I didn't realise how toxic it was because for the first time in my life I thought I was being accepted as a person.

I am still living at home. I get it. They pay my Bill's, give me a roof over my head. I'm grateful. But I cant do anything right. Every job I have isnt good enough, my mum will literally stalk what I'm doing trying to get into my phone etc. It has always been this way even when I was just "normal". As I said I get it it probably isnt nice what they have seen me go through and its stressful. But I have never been good enough.

Then tonight:

I was going to pick something off Ebay for a friend. Mum sitting drunk in the chair goes on a big ramble about "how I'm picking drugs up" so I tell her to come with me.

Put the postcode in the sat nav to a large local town that has about 7 different ways to get into it. Goes on a rant about how I'm "going the wrong fucking way" and just being snarky and picky. I got upset and said I brought her to spend time with her and that it still wasnt good enough.

My period was due 3 weeks ago and I'm late- keeping in mind I'm overweight, it happens all the time, it's a stressful time for me. I went to her and told her upset.

Que her making me take pregnancy tests constantly despite me even ringing my GP and my GP saying to wait as its probably just a late period again. She wouldn't even let me fucking pee on the stick in peace.

I just feel stressed out and I dont know if I'm being unreasonable

OP’s posts: |
CyberNan Thu 17-Sep-20 00:13:54

erm… move out... you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself

wildcherries Thu 17-Sep-20 00:17:21

You need to get yourself out of there or it will never change and grind you down.

BlueBirdGreenFence Thu 17-Sep-20 00:21:36

Either you're an independent adult that can stand on your own 2 feet and pay your own way or their dependent child where tbey are still responsible for keeping a roof over your head and ensuring you're fed and watered. You'd have all the freedom in the world if you moved out.

ShastaBeast Thu 17-Sep-20 00:30:02

Overweight with late periods could be PCOS.

Your mum doesn’t sound very nice but getting out will help you and the relationship. Make a plan to escape.

newnameforthis123 Thu 17-Sep-20 00:31:42


Either you're an independent adult that can stand on your own 2 feet and pay your own way or their dependent child where tbey are still responsible for keeping a roof over your head and ensuring you're fed and watered. You'd have all the freedom in the world if you moved out.

This is good perspective to take on board OP. What's your work situation? Could you afford to move out?

LadyFrumpington Thu 17-Sep-20 00:40:00

Move out. Honestly...

essexmum777 Thu 17-Sep-20 00:54:54

time to adult up OP

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 17-Sep-20 01:08:59

You are using your parents as an excuse for not taking responsibility for your life.

Moving out may be good advice if you really are mature enough to keep a roof over your head. It sounds like your relationship with your parents has fallen into a rut where you both expect the worst from each other and have stopped seeing the good.

But... if it means you'll likely end up homeless then might be better to try working your way up to being capable of supporting yourself before you leave. Do you have a stable job? Can you manage your money? Are you likely to fall for the next "bad crowd" in the same way or are you building more positive relationships? Are you off the drugs?

Your parents, for all you think they don't accept or support you, are providing you with a safe harbour. They show concern (if poorly) about your wellbeing. It may be that other behaviour that you haven't described is toxic enough that you would be foolish to stay even if you aren't really capable of supporting yourself. But if not, you could try accepting that more graciously and using it as a base to build up a life that is independent and doesn't scream to them that you still need treating like a child.

HappyDays10101 Thu 17-Sep-20 01:27:18

It sounds like a really unhealthy dynamic that won’t change until you move out and prove them wrong.

CitizenFame Thu 17-Sep-20 01:52:46

You sound really ungrateful.

They sent you to an expensive therapist. Whether it worked or not is not down to them.

You have a disability and say that they took you to appointments they arranged for you.

You’re living at home and not paying bills despite working.

I’m not sure what more it is you want.

TitsOutForHarambe Thu 17-Sep-20 02:02:37

You need to move out asap. This situation can't continue, you and your family will drive each other insane.

hauntedtree Thu 17-Sep-20 02:18:22

How old are you OP?

It sounds like a really awful, unhealthy living environment. Living with your parents doesn't give them the right to invade your privacy. Hiding your disability isn't something i could forgive easily.

Have you ever lived away from them? I know it's really difficult but i would try to move out asap, even if it's just a room in a house share.

CuppaZa Thu 17-Sep-20 02:24:00

You still sound like you’re 14 @ohbrightlight

You can’t blame your parents for everything going wrong in your life. Time to grow up. Own past mistakes and move out. Acknowledge they have tried to help.

Topseyt Thu 17-Sep-20 02:29:27

If you would be able to live independently then move out. It will be so much better.

ilovesooty Thu 17-Sep-20 02:31:25

You have to put effort into therapy. Your parents aren't responsible for the fact that it wasn't successful. They don't have any input into the therapeutic relationship.
It seems as though you might benefit from planning to move out and taking responsibility for yourself.

CoffeeCoffeeTea Thu 17-Sep-20 02:37:58

Hi OP, I am not sure how old you are but it sounds as if your home environment is not good for your mental health and so it is time for you to move on with your life.
I’ve got two pieces of advice
Please talk to your sister (and other siblings) . Your siblings probably thinks you are the golden child .
You mentioned your mother was ‘sitting drunk in the chair’ , if this is a regular occurrence then maybe she has a problem with alcohol

Mintjulia Thu 17-Sep-20 02:40:27

You aren't being unreasonable to be upset but the answer is to stop putting up with your snarky mother..

It's difficult at the moment cos of cv19 but set yourself a moving out date - March maybe - save up the deposit for a room somewhere and move out. Leave. Have some fun. Make your own decisions and don't put up with anyone putting you down again. Make 2021 your year smile

Dita73 Thu 17-Sep-20 02:44:10

You seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder especially regarding your sister. Are you still having therapy?

notangelinajolie Thu 17-Sep-20 02:47:32

Your parents treat you like a child because you act like one. You are an adult and it is time to take some responsibility and move out. Sorry if that sounds harsh but the only person in charge of you is you and until you realise that you won't be able to go forward. It's time to take control of what happens in your life and stop blaming everyone else.
You can't change the past but the future is all yours flowers

Porridgeoat Thu 17-Sep-20 02:58:51

You could easily resolve 80% of this by leaving home. Then you’d only need to put up with this rubbish how ever often you opt to visit them.

Porridgeoat Thu 17-Sep-20 03:01:19

I’d recommend leaving home and getting therapy to work thorough the issues so that you understand the family dynamics and work things through so you don’t carry that awful feeling of being not good enough.

Porridgeoat Thu 17-Sep-20 03:02:16

You could opt to go no contact or minimal contact.

Porridgeoat Thu 17-Sep-20 03:10:11

As a child and teen and twenty something I’ve always felt disapproved of. But I did my own thing in my twenties and was low contact, challenged them quite often and surrounded myself with nice positive people who valued me. I’m in my 50s now. We meet very much as adults now and we ha e a totally different relationship. I excelled in my career and had 4 kids and they are quite respectful

Readandwalk Thu 17-Sep-20 03:25:17

So as an adult your parents paid for therapy, grief therapy, health therapy and everything in between. ?

Time to adult. Time to pay your own bills.

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