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Husband missing ds birthday

(75 Posts)
fedupathome Wed 16-Sep-20 22:13:55

I've name changed because I'm ashamed to be posting this.

Its ds birthday tomorrow he will be 15.
I booked a table at a restaurant think pizza type place for us at 7pm as I will be at work in the day.

Dh says he won't attending as he has football he has booked to play with his 'mates'.

I told him I'll still be going with the kids and he might regret it down the line if he chooses playing football over his sons birthday meal.

He shouted at me that its just a birthday whats the big deal I've already booked and paid for football I cant cancel .

This is also relevant he works nights and has booked to play football before his shift and says to me earlier in the week its a bad idea as he has work so needs his sleep and he won't be able to relax and enjoy it .

Yet he can book football and that's OK ?

I'm genuinely upset on behalf of our son.

We've got a lot of problems in our marriage but I feel like he's getting worse .

Sorry for the rant I dont know what to do.

OP’s posts: |
Lollypop4 Wed 16-Sep-20 22:16:59

I would be furious.
Piss poor excuse!
He chose his friends over his son.
I don't think I could tolerate the relationship tbh.

GoldfishParade Wed 16-Sep-20 22:17:42

What a mean old twat. You sound lovely. Get rid of him.

Glendaruel Wed 16-Sep-20 22:18:10

I would be livid!!!!!

Sanpro Wed 16-Sep-20 22:18:15

Yeah, he sounds a prick. Sorry, OP. I hope your son has a nice birthday. It’s a difficult time to be young and to still try to enjoy things. It really sucks kid dad doesn’t seem to place any importance on his son’s birthday.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 16-Sep-20 22:18:26

I’d be really sad for my child- what a horrible father

Sanpro Wed 16-Sep-20 22:18:31

His* dad

Fishfingersandwichplease Wed 16-Sep-20 22:19:36

Wanker. That is all.

ShinyGreenElephant Wed 16-Sep-20 22:20:06

Twat. Your son is very lucky to have you because that is one pathetic excuse of a dad. I would be furious

FlorenceNightshade Wed 16-Sep-20 22:22:08

How does your son feel? My dh missed a birthday once because a pre-arranged thing had the date changed and it then clashed. He asked our dc who was turning 10 if they would be ok with him missing it but then going out for burgers another night. Dc was ok with this but dh felt so bad he bought an extra present just from him to say sorry!

I’d be led by your sons reaction. If he’s feeling upset or sidelined then you need to tell your DH.

fedupathome Wed 16-Sep-20 22:23:52

I dont know what to say to ds about why his dad won't be there, or where he is instead.

I'm really angry .

Our marriage has issues I don't know if it will survive because lately he seems not to be bothered about us.

I just have no words for this latest stunt.

OP’s posts: |
Parky04 Wed 16-Sep-20 22:24:54

I play football every Thursday unless there is something more important to do like family birthdays. He just doesn't care about his DS.

Terrace58 Wed 16-Sep-20 22:28:47

Keep prioritizing your son. My mother would
go along with my father’s plans to miss my birthday. Happened multiple times over the years and always for recreation activities, never for work.

I may go a bit overboard as an adult to compensate.

brushandmop Thu 17-Sep-20 05:49:33

Make sure you make your husband tell his son he can't make his birthday meal. Don't let him off doing this.

badg3r Thu 17-Sep-20 05:59:36

Yes I agree with PP, make your husband explain why he can't go.

seayork2020 Thu 17-Sep-20 06:12:23

If my son Is upset I would be too but if they have worked it out amongst themselves and DS is fine then no I would not be bothered.

CloudSingsAloud Thu 17-Sep-20 06:16:48

I dont know what to say to ds about why his dad won't be there, or where he is instead.

If you have to, tell the truth but leave any emotion out of it. Tell your "D"H he needs to tell DS before the meal.

Phillipa12 Thu 17-Sep-20 06:27:38

Well he's clearly showing you where his priorities lie and its certainly not with his family. My exh did this on our dc3's 1st birthday, we separated 6 months later.

TheGirlWithAPrince Thu 17-Sep-20 06:29:53

Birthdays are one of the most important days to children :S what does he mean it's just a birthday... Its a day to celebrate the day your child was born :/ sounds like he doesn't care about your son. I would never chose anything over my kids birthday, even my husband with severe social anxiety steps up and joins the family party and suffers and our kids are only 1 & 2 so they wouldn't even notice if he wasn't there

KitKatastrophe Thu 17-Sep-20 06:30:31

FlorenceNightshade

How does your son feel? My dh missed a birthday once because a pre-arranged thing had the date changed and it then clashed. He asked our dc who was turning 10 if they would be ok with him missing it but then going out for burgers another night. Dc was ok with this but dh felt so bad he bought an extra present just from him to say sorry!

I’d be led by your sons reaction. If he’s feeling upset or sidelined then you need to tell your DH.

I think there is a big difference between asking them if they mind and feeling guilty, compared to saying "its just a birthday, what's the big deal".

rwalker Thu 17-Sep-20 06:46:04

Non issue in our house birthdays have never been a massive deal . If we go out tends to be on weekend rather than birthday itself

with your DH on this one

Bookriddle Thu 17-Sep-20 06:46:05

What a dickhead, i wouldnt miss my childs birthday for anything!
My old man was in the army, he missed about 4 of my birthdays growing up, because he was away with the army, but he always made sure to phone on my birthday and then spoil me when he got home!

Lipz Thu 17-Sep-20 06:46:19

That's shit of your dh. I'd be so mad. Your ds is at an age where he will see his dad is putting his friends before him. At 15years of age it's an important time for a dad and son to bond, your son is becoming more mature, these actions of your dh could possibly destroy his relationship with your son. Tell your dh to tell your ds he's not going. I'd go so ott celebrating the birthday, I'd make sure your ds has a brilliant time.

liveitwell Thu 17-Sep-20 06:53:11

You both should have sat down and discussed a day/time that suits you all, say lunch at the weekend. A weeknight dinner out won't be all that relaxing for anyone especially with work straight after.

To me it sounds like you need to communicate better with each other. It's strange you went ahead and booked it despite it not being good for your son's dad.

MummaGiles Thu 17-Sep-20 06:55:39

Please make sure you make your DH tell your DS that he won’t be there. It shouldn’t be your job to have to deliver that message. That’s really crap, OH. I’m sorry.

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