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AIBU to take this further?

(33 Posts)
Mumthedogsbeensick Wed 16-Sep-20 19:34:55

I work for an independent opticians and deal with eyewear sales reps as part of my job. One such rep rang today to book an appointment to show me his company's new range. Now I've never met or spoken to him before so listened to his spiel and agreed to see him. Firstly I asked him to remind me of his name to which he replied 'Richard but you can call me Dick' then said 'Okay I've got my diary, when can I do you?' followed by a laugh. At this point I told him that I thought he was being completely unprofessional and inappropriate and told him to forget it and hung up. I rang my manager who is also male and told him what had happened and basically got told 'oh you know what sales reps are like, it's only a bit of banter'! Am I being unreasonable in wanting to put in a complaint to his company or is my manager right it's just a bit of banter?

OP’s posts: |
Shizzlestix Wed 16-Sep-20 19:37:44

And this is why we still hear sexist bollocks daily from men. If your manager won’t support you, go over his head.

Indoctro Wed 16-Sep-20 19:37:48

I personally wouldn't complain about him. I think that's totally over reacting.

thewrongshoes Wed 16-Sep-20 19:40:39

If it made you uncomfortable then there is a good chance other women he has pitched to feel the same. He could well be costing his company sales, if I was his manager I would want to know.

Findahouse21 Wed 16-Sep-20 19:42:24

Honestly, that really wouldn't bother me and definitely not worthy of a complaint. I think you may want to email him and say that you didn't appreciate it and it made you feel uncomfortable, but it's not like he said his name was Alan, Dick is actually a nickname for Richard, albeit an unfortunate one

Undomesticgodde55 Wed 16-Sep-20 19:43:10

But what if his nickname is Dick? As in short for Richard? Like Dick and Dom?

user127819 Wed 16-Sep-20 19:43:19

I think his manager should know if he is making potential customers feel so uncomfortable they hang up. He was being completely inappropriate.

Mumthedogsbeensick Wed 16-Sep-20 19:48:19

I'm aware Dick is short for Richard it's the way he said it that made me cringe. I'm used to sexist idiots I used to run pubs and dealt with a lot worse I just think it was completely unprofessional in this setting and I hate that he found it acceptable to talk to a woman like that the smarmy git.

OP’s posts: |
QuestionMarkNow Wed 16-Sep-20 20:16:19

No it is not just a bit of banter.
It’s people/men saying that that means women still have to feel uncomfortable for no other reason that they’re a woman.

FWIW banter, just like a joke, is only banter if BOTH sides are seeing it as banter and are comfortable about the ‘jokes’

mamangelo Wed 16-Sep-20 23:18:37

It’s a tough one because on paper he hasn’t done anything wrong - dick is a nickname, you interpreted it as him being rude but he could argue he wasn’t and simply said you could use his nickname to address him

Are you 100% sure he was being suggestive/ rude in what he said? Seems odd

CoRhona Wed 16-Sep-20 23:23:40

His loss, he didn't get the appointment with you.

Glad you were in a position to actually do something that caused a negative outcome for him.

Halo1234 Wed 16-Sep-20 23:24:17

Yabu and over reacting. You said when can I do you????? Sick is short for Richard. You are being a bit sensitive. He is a person trying to do his job and didnt mean to offend. I know he did offend but it wasn't deliberate so I would let it go. If someone is being consistently and internationally sexest/sleazy fair enough. But u have nothing to complain about based on this alone. It would be a non event for me. Probably would have laughed too and think omg can't believe I said that.

Halo1234 Wed 16-Sep-20 23:24:49

Dick sorry typo.

RunningFromInsanity Wed 16-Sep-20 23:25:21

Can’t get too worked up over this one I’m afraid.
You cancelled his appointment and potentially cost his company a sale, I’d leave it at that.

Cheesypea Wed 16-Sep-20 23:30:18

^ I agree. But you a little bit more about your boss now.

Feelingconfused2020 Wed 16-Sep-20 23:31:20

I think it's taking it a bit far to put in a complaint. Both those examples could be you misinterpreting. I'm not saying they are but I wouldn't complain about him based on that alone. You've told him you thought he was being rude. I think that's probably enough.

parietal Wed 16-Sep-20 23:44:52

The " when can I do you " comment is the bit I would object to.

but if it is not recorded, I doubt you'll get anyone to take this complaint seriously. he will just say that you misheard.

Just remember never to deal with his company again.

Littleposh Wed 16-Sep-20 23:55:13

@Halo1234 made a few typos I think, HE said 'when can I do you'

I'd mention it to your manager and see what they say, idiots like this should be made aware that this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable anymore

Mumthedogsbeensick Thu 17-Sep-20 06:18:28

Mixed responses but thanks all. He definitely said it all in a smarmy suggestive way which is why I ended the call. I hate that he thought that by being 'flirty' he could secure an appointment with me. It makes me wonder what he would be like face to face to secure a sale. Curious to know how he speaks to men on the phone. Ah well it's his companies loss we won't be dealing with them in the future.

OP’s posts: |
Graciebobcat Thu 17-Sep-20 06:22:39

Your employer has a duty to protect you from sexual harrassment, whether it is from customers, fellow employees or suppliers.

www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment

GnomeDePlume Thu 17-Sep-20 06:30:37

Good grief he sounds like he thought he was in a 1970s Carry On film.

I dont see a problem with contacting his company's customer services department to give them a bit of feedback. Explain that you felt their representative's 'banter' was inappropriate and unprofessional which is why you were not prepared to make an appointment with him.

If he is generally a good salesman then he may be given the message to look at his behaviour with customers. If he is a poor salesman then this may explain to the company why that is.

Henrysmycat Thu 17-Sep-20 06:39:30

Having worked for years with smarmy entitled (and 99% of the time the entitled ones were white) males, you were ABSOLUTELY right.
It angers me to see comments from what I assume is women thinking is ok for someone who doesn’t know you and in a professional capacity to say “when can I do you?” Which follows Dick.
You didn’t cost him anything he fucked up himself.
(I hope the poster who said that is being a contrarian and not serious).
I’m surprised nobody came here to say “you asked for it”.
Unless, you have proof, there’s not much you can say. I know very well, how “it was bants and you misunderstood or secretly hoped for him to have said that.” Nevermind you being 28 and him a 60 year old sweaty slob.

Henrysmycat Thu 17-Sep-20 06:42:58

But a bit of “feedback“ to his company wouldn’t go amiss. “My apologies for not booking an appointment but I found your reps comments inappropriate and put me in a very difficult position.”

Florencex Thu 17-Sep-20 06:44:20

I think you are being utterly ridiculous. I couldn’t even work out what the problem was from the first post. And “when can I do you” is a fairly common colloquialism.

BewareTheBeardedDragon Thu 17-Sep-20 06:49:12

Tell his company. 'When can I do you' may be a common colloquialism, but since his 'nickname' is Dick he needs to be a bit more careful - and you say he said it is an inappropriate way. I don't know why posters are not believing you saying this. It seems perfectly plausible to me. Just email his company and make it perfectly clear that it was the combination and the way he said it that was inappropriate and lost them a sales opportunity. If they chose to ignore it then it's their loss, potentially an ongoing one.
You are not ridiculous.

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