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To want to just be a nicer person?

(17 Posts)
theamplifier Wed 16-Sep-20 03:22:53

I'm quite a nice, decent person in public and with friends, but I feel like I'm always cranky and annoyed at home, with occasional bursts of cheerfulness. I snap at DH and the children a lot of the time, and feel resentful and generally annoyed by all my home responsibilities. I just want to be on my own lying around doing nothing 24/7.

Has anyone ever successfully changed themselves from being in a bad mood most of the time to being pleasant and cheerful?

I'll take any advice on board. My children are starting to comment on the negative atmosphere and it breaks my heart.

OP’s posts: |
Blondie1984 Wed 16-Sep-20 03:39:46

What do you mean by “all my home responsibilities”? Do you need to get more support from DH (and potentially the children) when it comes to things at home?
Can you pinpoint anything that has triggered how you feel?

theamplifier Wed 16-Sep-20 09:42:49

Thank you, I think there's a bit of inequality but I have recently put my foot down and explicitly asked people to do more around the house, which helped.

I resent that I have to ask though!

It's hard to even pinpoint, I just feel grumpy all the time.

OP’s posts: |
partofyoupoursoutofme Wed 16-Sep-20 12:14:47

It sounds like resentment, which we all have from time to time. For me it's about not allowing myself to express anger for whatever reason (usually for someone else's benefit), and I end up feeling very negatively about everything and everyone. You are allowed to be angry and demand people pull their weight. I get it's shit to have to tell people what they should be able to see themselves, but it takes a change of behaviour in at least one party to create a catalyst for change in circumstances.

Onxob Wed 16-Sep-20 12:49:45

I relate to this! Especially wanting to lie around in my own 24/7 grin

How old are your DC?

Smallsteps88 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:54:24

Could you have low level depression?

Whatsthekey Wed 16-Sep-20 12:57:03

Following because i am the same! My children have started to mimic how i speak and it sounds horrible and abrupt. I really want to change but my default is snappy and loud. I'm resentful of how much my life has changed but it's not like i can do anything about it now.

Ponoka7 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:57:11

Unless there's reasons for you taking on the household responsibilities, delegate more.

If what you are doing can't be helped then putca positive spin on things. You're busy because you have the family you wanted. There was an element of choice. Would you rather be childfree, single? Counting your blessings is a good way of looking at your life. We might be going through Covid, but globally speaking it isn't that bad. No one in the UK has to live on the streets, or dies of malnutrition. Our children live in safety.

Have fun days with the children, or fun hours. Read up on positive thinking and living in the moment.

IveSeenThings Wed 16-Sep-20 13:00:42

I'm like this- my colleagues think I'm wonderful and lovely, but my family get the Grinch.
It does stem from resentment, and the grinding effort of being the one that does everything.
I try hard to be nice to my children as they are actually lovely people and very well behaved. I do try and tell them something positive every day, and try to find five minutes to spend with each quietly at the end of the day. One responds well to this, one not so much (asd), but that one gets so much more of me all round tbh.
Sometimes I'm angrier than others, but I try to put myself in a room alone and wait for it to subside, rather than grumping at them.

AlrightTreacle Wed 16-Sep-20 13:05:02

I felt like this when I was pretty depressed last year: I could put on a front for outside the house, but not at home. Things that helped me...

Exercise, first thing in the morning, even just a walk or 10 minutes on my exercise bike makes me feel calmer and happier.

Drinking water throughout the day.

Decluttering and organising the house, then using the organised mum method to keep on top of it. I have the app and have modified it quite a bit so it's not really the same, but it takes the "mental load" of thinking about housework away if that makes sense? The state of the house really effects my mood, and I can find it overwhelming if it's in a mess. You can print off her routine for free, maybe you could print it off, delegate different days to your DH/DC and stick it on the fridge or somewhere visible?

Meal planning and batch cooking, saves so much time and again takes away the "mental load" of thinking about what to have for dinner.

Taking 5 minutes at the end of the day to properly wash my face, use a toner and moisturise.

Making a note of something positive that happened today before bed.

Listening to "your anxiety toolkit" podcast.

MellowBird85 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:28:16

God this is me. I feel irritable a lot of the time and could do with being left alone a lot. As a PP mentioned, I’ve also read that this can be a symptom of mild depression...but can depression ever be mild? Isn’t what the OP describes just feeling fed up because of the drudgery of daily life? I thought clinical depression severely affects your life to the point you struggle to do the most basic of things i.e. getting out of bed, looking after yourself, etc.

Crocciesnap Wed 16-Sep-20 13:34:15

Do you get on with DH? If you are bored in his company or frustrated with him, that will make you feel unhappy at home and in a bad mood. If not, my advice would just be to get out as much as possible - sometimes being in the house just gives me cabin fever and makes me feel irritable too . Even just go out for a coffee on your own to change your mood

Cam2020 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:37:15

I feel the same way, OP.
I find yoga, meditation and keeping a brief journal of positive things that have happened throughout the day helpful, but when I feel under pressure I'm guilty of letting them slide. Another strategy I've learned (from listening to Nataly Kogan's Happier Now audio book), is to name what you're feeling. If you feel irritated take a moment to step back and actually tell yourself that you are feeling irritated. It sounds mad, but acknowledging negatives feelings, allows you some space. A lot of the time we ignore the red flags because we're busy and get used to suppressing negative feelings until they build up.

malloryknox47 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:40:16

Yes I feel the same.
For me I think it's lack of fulfilment with my job and the general mundaneness of day to day life especially now I'm working from home.
Also discrepancies in household chores like you.
I get bored which makes me cranky, judgemental and bitchy. I am trying to self improve a bit but not sure how without making some big life changes.

TwentyViginti Wed 16-Sep-20 13:56:13

Could you get away solo for a weekend or any couple of days? Sounds like you're the one taking on the mental and physical load at home.

lovemylot1 Wed 16-Sep-20 14:02:29

I feel the same. Are your children little? Mine are and I think I’m just totally exhausted most of the time. I get snappy the more tired I am. I’m currently taking iron and multivitamin and trying to take better care of myself. But I think if only I could just have a few days completely off, as in go on a mini break alone, I could recharge and be better

CarolineIngramCC Wed 16-Sep-20 14:19:48

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