To want to do a language class while PILs are here?

[thewallisblue]

I do virtual language classes on a weekday evening. The new term is starting this week.

My PILs are coming to stay with us for three days. They haven't been for a while (because of Covid). When they're here I find them really intense - they need constant entertainment and attention. They're not content with just relaxing at home - we have a jam-packed itinerary for things to do with them.

My class is 1.5 hour long. My DH thinks I'm unreasonable for wanting to do the class, as they're not here for very long.

So, AIBU?

[cologne4711]

1.5 hours is nothing. My mum goes off to the hairdressers when I visit her - I don't think it's personal - it just seems to work out that way - every single time.

Your DH is being unreasonable. He probably just doesn't want to entertain them by himself for 1.5 hours. Well tough, they are his parents.

[squashyhat]

YANBU

[ButteryPuffin]

He can use that as quality time just him and them, parents and son YANBU.

[lafillette]

YANBU at all, your husband is.

[unmarkedbythat]

Yanbu. Is he incapable of entertaining his parents for a couple of hours?

[thewallisblue]

Thanks all! Yes I suspected as much.

He's now saying his parents would be annoyed if I did the class (which is likely true), which he realises is unreasonable, but he doesn't want to have an argument with them about it.

Why are PILs so annoying?!

[TheDuchessofMalfy]

Ffs he’s their son! You shouldn’t have to be involved at all times!

[ArnoJambonsBike]

Well if they don't like what you do in your home, they are more than welcome to stay in their own fucking hovel, aren't they?

[Longdistance]

Do your language course. Let them get annoyed. Learning a language is really important.
What language are you learning btw?

[lazylinguist]

YANBU. I'm sure they can cope without you for 90 mins!

[2bazookas]

Generously, tactfully, you make sure the rarely-visiting PILS have some special time alone with their beloved son. An hour and a half every evening, no interruptions, no distractions, just Mummy and Daddy sharing quality time with Sonny.

How can the lucky lad possibly object? The ungrateful oaf should be kneeling at your feet giving humble thanks for your sacrifice.

[AdoraBell]

YANBU your DH can spend time with his parents.

[Hahaha88]

Why should you not do your course. Your oh needs to grow a pair
I mean alternatively they could choose another 3 days when you aren't doing your course? But I imagine they would be more bothered by this

[afaloren]

is it a Dysgu Cymraeg course??? Only because mine starts this week too

[BlueJava]

1.5 hours to do a language class is fine. You don't want to miss it and risk falling behind just for chit-chat! If they were over for the evening only then fair enough, but they are there for 3 days. If my parents or ILs turn up the whole house doesn't revolve around them.

[Billben]

Surely your DH can entertain his own parents for an 1.5hr 😀

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

They're all CFkers. I'd be childish and tell him only boring people get bored.

[Onekidnoclue]

Perfectly reasonable. And yes. PIL are a PITA

[ButteryPuffin]

Well, you'll be annoyed if you DON'T do the class. Ask him which is worse.

[DPotter]

As is often the case - the clue is in the question. Parents in law, ie his parents. And yes - he can take the opportunity to take them out for coffee / walk, just the 3 of them. They can take a whole morning or afternoon about it too.

So you are not being unreasonable. If they were coming just for an evening meal and your class was at 7pm, then yes I think it would be awkward, but they are staying for 3 days - 1.5 hrs off / way from them is not unreasonable. And your DH should be extolling your virtue for wishing to expand your mind and learn a new skill. "Isn't my wife, Wallis, amazing, she never rests, always learning something new. What a role model".

[LannieDuck]

He just doesn't want to do the work of entertaining. Of course you can quietly disappear to your room for 1.5 hrs during a 3-day stay.

[PurpleDaisies]

He is in the wrong here.

[IntermittentParps]

He's now saying his parents would be annoyed if I did the class (which is likely true), which he realises is unreasonable, but he doesn't want to have an argument with them about it.

Why are PILs so annoying?!

Actually it's your DH who's being annoying. He needs to stand up for you and for himself.
I'd absent myself for their whole trip if my DP tried something like this. But I'm a cow

[monsterad]

Off topic! But what company does the classes? I really interested in continuing my Spanish learning

[standupsitdownturnaround]

How much does the class cost? Let's say it's £100 for five lessons, to not attend one would be a waste of £20 and you'll fall behind, possibly making the other £80 a waste too.


It's in the way he communicates with them as well. For example

He needs to say: TheWallisBlue has her class at 18:00. Shall we go ahead and eat or are you happy to wait until 19:30

Not: I'm so sorry but Thewallisblue has this class she could skip it but then she might fall behind.

On what planet would you not honour a weekly commitment of 90 minutes for two grown ups who are staying 3 nights?

Ask him how long you're allowed to spend on the toilet or in the bath whilst they're there. You wouldn't want them to be offended....