To like being looked after by a man?

(294 Posts)
Ribrabrob Tue 18-Aug-20 20:45:38

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet grin)

OP’s posts: |
QuacksInTheDark Tue 18-Aug-20 20:47:41

Well I think it’s up to you, as long as you don’t think all women should be like you then crack on with it. Doesn’t appeal to me personally but I won’t judge you for it.

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff Tue 18-Aug-20 20:47:53

Have you ever actually had that sort of relationship though or do you just think you like the idea?

Personally I couldn't think of anything worse than leaving myself so vulnerable

User7312019 Tue 18-Aug-20 20:49:25

You sound like a wet lettuce to me and the type of man that mentality would attract wouldn’t be my cup of tea but each to their own I suppose.

Todaywewilldobetter Tue 18-Aug-20 20:50:39

I hear you. I'm a bit of an "alpha" woman by nature - the family business is "mine" so I do the lion's share of worrying about it. I do think sometimes it would be nice to be looked after. But I reckon I'd soon get bored. I'd like to try it for a few weeks though!

Confusedpixo Tue 18-Aug-20 20:51:19

Sounds nice in theory, but the reality is very, very different!

I'm submissive so I like strong, alpha males (in the bedroom). I learnt the hard way never to give up financial and emotional control to a man though.

user14562156358 Tue 18-Aug-20 20:51:32

Wanting to be rescued is not a foundation for a healthy relationship.


Notimeforaname Tue 18-Aug-20 20:52:18

Wonderful for you OP if you feel safe and secure. There is nothing wrong with how you like to live. It's comforting to you and you're happy, I'd say you're winning at life wink

RIPworkingmums Tue 18-Aug-20 20:53:40

I think it’s ok, as long as you’re happy! I like the idea of it but in practise I prefer to be in control of the family finances etc. I think there’s a balance to be had but each to their own! I also think you need to find the right partner who wouldn’t take advantage of you and become controlling.

Dollyrocket Tue 18-Aug-20 20:54:14

Sounds very naive and a bit of a fantasy tbh..

redcarbluecar Tue 18-Aug-20 20:54:32

I’d be happy to be rescued by anyone on the motorway, male or female, but not wanting any financial control in your life seems odd.

toconclude Tue 18-Aug-20 20:54:53


Wonderful for you OP if you feel safe and secure. There is nothing wrong with how you like to live. It's comforting to you and you're happy, I'd say you're winning at life wink

You can feel safe and secure and in practice be anything but.

WorraLiberty Tue 18-Aug-20 20:55:48

The thing is, if you had a penis you'd be called a cock lodger.

katy1213 Tue 18-Aug-20 20:55:51

Well, if he sticks around you'll be fine, won't you? Don't forget the Valium, though. (Didn't you post about this the other day or is there a sudden upsurge in would-be 1950s housewives?)

MaskingForIt Tue 18-Aug-20 20:56:00

Sounds like you’d be very easy to take advantage of and you’d be very vulnerable.

The kind of man who would be attracted to such a wet personality wouldn’t appeal to me at all.

What would you do when he ran off with someone younger and sexier with a bit more about them? You’d have no money, no skills, no life experience.

Smellbellina Tue 18-Aug-20 20:57:35

Your only issue is needing to check with others as to whether or not your feelings are valid.
Which unfortunately might be why you feel the way you do about being ‘looked after’ in the first place.
I think your need for validation is the only thing that makes it questionable.

JorisBonson Tue 18-Aug-20 20:58:58

I think there's a difference between being looked after and relinquishing all control of your own life.

Notimeforaname Tue 18-Aug-20 21:00:08

You can feel safe and secure and in practice be anything but very true but if op is happy, then that's all that matters

IncludeWomenInTheSequel Tue 18-Aug-20 21:00:57

I don't feel like I want to give up control or be a housewife, definitely not! But I do find myself at my happiest (and horniest wink) in days where DH is doing some manly DIY stuff and I'm pottering around the kitchen.

SuzieCarmichael Tue 18-Aug-20 21:02:30

Good luck enjoying being abandoned by a man as well.

thepassionchair Tue 18-Aug-20 21:02:37

Christ, no. IME men who like to have a little woman at home are usually abusive arseholes. Hopefully that's not ever going to be your experience.

Dragonsanddinosaurs Tue 18-Aug-20 21:02:59

I think we would all like to opt out of life sometimes, but unfortunately that is not a realistic option. I just hope you manage to give up all your freedoms to someone who is a decent person. Chances are that you won't though, as the kind of person that wants you under their control is not someone you would want to be controlled by.

Notimeforaname Tue 18-Aug-20 21:03:18

I don't think you sound easy to control or a wet personality op. I think you know what you want, what you like and that's OK.

I personally could not live like that but each to their own.
We're all just looking to maintain a happy life.
If this is yours then good for you for knowing what you want. I hope you find it if you havnt already smile

Witchcraftandhokum Tue 18-Aug-20 21:03:26

You feel guilty? You should, and dreadfully embarrassed.

1Morewineplease Tue 18-Aug-20 21:04:50

The trouble with being a doormat/trophy wife is that you’ll often attract controlling men.
Added to that, in the event of a separation , you’ll probably get nothing, unless you bear his children , in which case you’ll get a lot of money from him.
Doesn’t make you sound very nice.

It’s ladies like you who make normal women feel angry. Women have fought for decades against this female dependancy on men.

If you choose this way of life, you’ll be left very vulnerable to controlling men, who will be the only men that will be attracted to you.

The majority of men want equal partners where you both aim for the same goal.
Good luck.

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