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Can't decide if I'm being a sour-faced old boot (probably am)

(17 Posts)
Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 22:49:16

because dh is getting a bit of a social life going at the moment. He's a fab dh and dad, does more than his fair share of chores, kids, boring stuff etc.

REcently he joined the working mens club (yes hmm) which we had a kind of sarcastic joke about in that it has no female toilets because women aren't allowed and I said i'd report them to the European Court of Human Rights, but I didn;t mind really. It's local, it's very cheap and he goes with our next door neighbour for a game of pool or darts or whatever. He loves it in a kind of post-modern way, in that he knows it's an old man's haunt but he also genuinely enjoys it too. No problem with that...

But it's turning into a weekly thing, popping out for one of the weekend nights...

and now he's joined the snooker club there which will mean a THursday night playing matches every fortnight...

and he plays footy on a wed night and then goes to the pub for an hour...

and he's joining a sunday league footy team as well for sunday mornings...

and he sees his friends once every 3 or 4 weeks for a curry or night out.

and I'm starting to feel a bit lonely. If I want to go out he's fine with it and will always give my night priority over his, but I only go out once a month, if that.

oh and also he plays golf and plays in matches once a month on a wednesday, which he can often wangle as his day off - but it's also my day off as well so we don't spend it together. IT feels churlish to moan at him but it is making me a bit unhappy. It's not like he;s left me loads of jobs to do for the morning or anything - I just get fed up sat here on me tod!

xXxamyxXx Wed 03-Oct-07 22:52:11

at least you have mn!do you go ouy as a couple

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 22:54:48

Yes but not that often these days - maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Dh would be up for it more but it's hard getting babysitter sorted - we kind of 'save' the babysitting for times when we're going out with other people, which is a bit more often. It's always been quite equal up to now but it's quite unbalanced these days I think.

fangsandflash Wed 03-Oct-07 22:55:05

You need to find stuff to do too! Make sure you take it in turns to go out and also that you go out together!

fangsandflash Wed 03-Oct-07 22:55:33

Join a baby sitting circle or start one up.

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 22:58:11

I don't wnat to be out as often as him, and I just want a bit of company at home. We get on really well and I'm missing him! I often have a lot of work to do at home at night so I guess he thinks it doesn't matter if he goes out but I'm really not sat here all night every night working. Much of the time I do it because I've nothing else to do (apart from come on MN of course!)

I'm feeling a bit hurt that I'm not enough for him at the moment - that's how it seems.

moondog Wed 03-Oct-07 22:58:16

So he's out alone about four nights a week??

Bloody hell,selfish git. angry

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 23:01:24

No it's never 4 nights consecutively. It's at least 2 nights (Weds footy and Fri or Sat drink) but THursdays are sneaking in now, again not every week but every other week. and if he doesn't get a fri or sat for a drink at the WMC, he'll 'pop out' for one on a sunday. BUt if he starts the footy on a Sunday morning, that's another of our times gone.

moondog Wed 03-Oct-07 23:06:18

I would be pissed off for precisely the reason you are.
It's a bloody insult frankly.
Would be tempted to tackle it by not doing stuff for him you usually do and when challenged ask him why you should if he can't keep his side of the marital bargain.

xXxamyxXx Wed 03-Oct-07 23:07:05

he is kinda{hides behind her couch}acting a little bit like he is single going out a lot instead of staying in a few nights with you

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 23:09:27

IF I didn't do the things I usually do, there wouldn't be something lovely for tea, but that's about it! He does lots of cleaning, clearing up, all the washing etc. blush But I don't see why that should 'entitle' him to more and more time 'off campus' necessarily! That's the way he sees it I think - before he went back out after footy tonight he came in to tell me he'd packed dd2's bag, done her lunch, ironed dd1's blouse (which he didn't need to do) so I think he's trying to earn points as a trade-off for his absence.

moondog Wed 03-Oct-07 23:10:55

It's very odd and rather sad.
You must tell him how hurt it makes you fell.
(He doesn't work from home does he? In this case,some desire for time away is understandable.)

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 23:13:16

WE had a row today as I spent time preparing food for tonight - told him I would cook his favourite, which takes a bit of prep in advnce. But when he got in from golf he let it slip that he'd eaten at the golf club angry. He was just thinking about himself, as he knew he'd be going to footy and didn't wnat to eat late but didn't remember at all that I'd said I'd cook his favourite. He apologised profusely...

I'm feeling very dejected though. It does seem like he's being a bit 'single' at the moment. sad

xXxamyxXx Wed 03-Oct-07 23:16:19

think you need to have a talk with him usual find men will do what men are let away with and he will probably go out even more if you dont have words

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 23:18:24

No, doesnt work from home. But does work extra hours on some of his days off to give us more money, so I can't really complain about him having the odd day off to himself.

I just miss him! Agree will need to get it off my chest. Just scared I'll sound like a moaning miserable minnie - and who would blame him for wanting a bit less of that!

But on the other hand, I've had a very rough few months (loads of hassle/discrimination at work; new job after 10 years in same place; close friend died a few eeks ago) so I think he should be a bit more understanding. I hate having to tell him though - to me it's bloody obvious that I'm going to be feeling vulnerable and -dare I say it- a bit needy at the moment

xXxamyxXx Wed 03-Oct-07 23:21:17

men dont get subtle or obvious sometimes{sound a bit man hating tonight dont i!}just tell him how you feel in a non nagging way

Moomin Wed 03-Oct-07 23:25:02


I just get very disappointed with dh when I need to tell him stuff. He's usually such a fab dh... <sigh>

off to bed now. Hes still not back.

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