To say my co-workers aren't my friends?

[annon1368]

NC due to being outing.

Since my work sent us to wfh after covid hit there has been an annoying push from our team management to over compensate for not being in the office, they have made a mission to have 3x a week team building sessions often lasting an hour. As apparently, I am the most ‘anti social’ team member (I’m an introvert) I was made to arrange every single one as part of my development plan

6 months later I have point blank now refused to arrange any more, I have a high workload and spending three hours a week attending them is bad enough, let alone the time it takes me to set them up and create quizzes, games etc. I am the busiest member of the team and this is well known by snr management, my workload has exploded since coronavirus as in addition to my normal role I am now responsible for our covid response efforts.

For the last couple of weeks many team members haven’t been attending the team building sessions and get no flack, today I have a lot on and have told my line manager that I wont be attending todays quiz, after which she called and moaned about me not making time for the team. I politely asked if she had said the same to the other team members over the last few weeks who also couldn’t make the sessions, to which I got silence.

She then moaned about how we as a team aren’t friends with each other, other teams are all friends and we should be the same. To which I replied you are all my co-workers not my friends, its been 6 months and we are no closer to being best buddies, maybe we are all too different to get to the point of being ‘friends’ to which she hung up and has arranged a ‘performance’ review next week with me.

AIBU to say that my co-workers are just that and not my friends?

[paniquer]

Completely on your side. Work is for work. Anything else you get from it is a bonus.

[VettiyaIruken]

Not at all.
This push in recent years to force friendship is ridiculous.

They are people you work with. That's all they have to be! If you click then great. Of course you can meet someone at work that you becomes friends with (or marry) but that's a bonus.

All you need to be is professional.

There is absolutely no need to purposefully blue lines between work life and personal life.

Cynically, I think it's about making work the point of your life and having everything revolve around it so you put more hours in.

Bigger that. Work is what you have to do to get the money you need to live your life. If it becomes more than that, great. But that's a bonus not the point of it.

[VettiyaIruken]

Blur

[VettiyaIruken]

Bugger

I really need to proof read or turn off my flipping autocorrect

[katy1213]

Oh, god, I'd hate that! If you're wasting three hours a week on this nonsense - more like a whole day if you have to come up quizzes - then I sincerely hope you are not working overtime to keep up with the real work. Could you go over her head to senior management and say she's stopping you from getting on with the work you're paid for - and then maybe she can have a performance review of her own!

[justanotherneighinparadise]

God that sounds like school!! Where on earth do you work, what industry?

[Lelophants]

Yep I'm the same. I have a young team and I hate the forced pallyness.

[Snorlax86]

Not unreasonable at all, I’ve worked at various places over the years and some become friends and others are just colleagues. You can’t force a friendship.

[annon1368]

@paniquer

Completely on your side. Work is for work. Anything else you get from it is a bonus.

The other teams she mentions have all worked together for 5+ years and we are a relatively new team. Also they are all older and have kids the same age. We are all different ages and different life stages and it seems they don't see how this will make an impact

[VaggieMight]

I can't believe she hung up on you! Hardly the way to make friends. I'm completely on your side, sounds like a nightmare.

[Thisischaos]

YANBU work is for work and if you happen to make a few genuine friends from there then that’s a bonus. Employers should never try and force friendships in the name of team building.

As long as you make an effort to get along with colleagues, are co-operative, do your job and help out if needed, and are not the office cow then she hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

If she tries to put you on a disciplinary or force more performance measures on you then I’d contact either her manager or HR.

[Inthebleakmidwinteriwouldsing]

I agree completely. I have a really good friend who’s someone I worked with more than a decade ago (and at least one other friend I know from work, way back in our student days). But I must have worked with hundreds of people over the years. You can be friendly and even have fun together at times, but you can’t force friendship!

[Ishihtzuknot]

Agree with you OP co workers are just people that work in the same place as you, I don’t class them as friends, even the people I have got on great with. She’s being dramatic and clearly expects you to do the hard work for their gain. I’m pretty confident quizzes aren’t part of professional working contracts, she can’t force you to be part of it.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

YANBU. I'm an extrovert but I think this team building crap is nonsense. I like my work colleagues, we get along great but do I want to spend time with them socially? Not really.

[SockYarn]

Quizzes in work time or your own time?

[annon1368]

@Thisischaos

YANBU work is for work and if you happen to make a few genuine friends from there then that’s a bonus. Employers should never try and force friendships in the name of team building.

As long as you make an effort to get along with colleagues, are co-operative, do your job and help out if needed, and are not the office cow then she hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

If she tries to put you on a disciplinary or force more performance measures on you then I’d contact either her manager or HR.

My biggest issue is that I am essentially the office cow now because 'I don't make an effort'

So frustrating, I am the member of the team who always makes the most effort and the second I take a step back and start giving out what I get in - I'm the bad guy

[SoddingWeddings]

Are you a member of a Union? I'd get them onside now and fully informed.

What does your company say about performance reviews? If she's trying to take you to disciplinary, you need to be up to speed on what thy policies are, as I bet she isn't given this is a knee jerk reaction.

I'd also be prepared for her to say this is about attitude, even though she has no idea what she's on about.

Speak to the manager of another team about it? Or HR?

[annon1368]

@SockYarn

Quizzes in work time or your own time?

In work time

[Theluggagerules]

Agree the the forced we are all friends is awful. I am with previous poster, if it's rought up in a performance review I would be going to HR

[OwlinaTree]

You have been responsible for organising 3 social events a week for all these months???

That's ridiculous, it should be shared out.

[annon1368]

@OwlinaTree

You have been responsible for organising 3 social events a week for all these months???

That's ridiculous, it should be shared out.

Yup, it's because I'm the one who needs to 'work on being part of the team more' bs

[User563420011]

I agree OP.
My last appraisal I was told I was not social enough with work "nights out" etc, which I shot straight down!
I am friendly with a couple of people at work, civil to all, and that's where it needs.

[Merryoldgoat]

YA SO NBU

I detest team building and I’m an extrovert.

My manager and I are friendly and I’m superficially social with my assistant accountant I think it’s more appropriate to be approachable and kind rather than friends.

What you describe is way OTT.

[Lyricallie]

Omg, YANBU I'm a huge extrovert love making friends at work don't mind a zoom quiz but that's is ridiculous. 3 hours a week of activities! We have a 30 mins chat 3xweek and that's plenty and that's a mix of work and general chat.

Also "development opportunities" code for I don't want to do this and neither do you but I'm going to make you and pretend it's good for you.

[Mehmen]

Wow, your boss sounds like she’s picking on you for a character trait. I’d go to the union or ACAS if she brings it up as ‘performance’ again.
Totally not on