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AIBU to tell my MIL not to bother?

(45 Posts)
Thund3rMumma Wed 12-Aug-20 20:29:48

So it's my daughter's 4th birthday on Monday and for the past month been on the phone to MIL who wants to see her on her birthday but worried about the situation. She wants to go out for a meal instead of just being round our house where we have a garden so can social distance. She doesn't seem to understand that no matter what we do my children are going to want to hug them. My partner now has had enough of me bitching and is siding with his mum that going for a meal would be better. BUT I have no problem of them coming over and letting my children hug them because I know they haven't seen anyone in a while and we haven't seen anyone either
AIBU: go to the meal and SD
AINBU: they should let the children hug them.
My children are 2 and 4

OP’s posts: |
Oysterbabe Wed 12-Aug-20 20:36:53

This is really confusing. Do want them to hug or socially distance?

sitckmansladylove Wed 12-Aug-20 20:39:13

I don't understand surely they could hug them if you go out for a meal either?
My view is it's your child's day so you choose what to do. Tell mil you could go for a meal another day ?

Lipz Wed 12-Aug-20 20:40:21

So you want them to come over so they can hug but you don't want to go for a meal where they can't hug? Can they not hug at a meal? May as well get fed and a hug, best of both worlds.

DaphneFanshaw Wed 12-Aug-20 20:55:31

I’m sorry.
I don’t get it.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens Wed 12-Aug-20 20:56:51

This is really confusing confused

romeolovedjulliet Wed 12-Aug-20 20:59:17

yes, 2 very young dc are so going to enjoy a meal in a restaurant aren't they ? tbh this sounds as if this is more about mil wanting to eat out and making it about her.
perhaps you could have a tea party at home for the dc and a meal out at later date. a hug or two is unlikely todo much harm either.

1Morewineplease Wed 12-Aug-20 21:03:44

As others have said, I’m confused too.
Yes you can socially distance in your garden and pubs and restaurants have measures in place to socially distance their customers.

You can hug in your garden and you can hug in a pub with members of your group.

What exactly is your AIBU ?

user1493413286 Wed 12-Aug-20 21:06:05

I don’t get it but unless your DD would find going out for dinner on her birthday a treat then I wouldn’t do it.

beautifulxdisasters Wed 12-Aug-20 21:17:48

Is the problem that you think MIL is being a hypocrite for wanting to go out for food but not wanting to hug your DCs?

Like others I am a bit baffled tbh.

DaphneFanshaw Wed 12-Aug-20 21:21:23

Do your dc like going out for dinner ?
My dc loved it, even at 2.
If they don’t then just have something at home, if they do then go out.
The hugging bit is lost on me tbh.

Thund3rMumma Wed 12-Aug-20 21:21:59

They want to go for a meal so contact is minimal so no hugging. But still want to see grandchild

OP’s posts: |
sbhydrogen Wed 12-Aug-20 21:22:28

u wot m8

DaphneFanshaw Wed 12-Aug-20 21:23:14


Thund3rMumma Wed 12-Aug-20 21:23:26

They aren't in our bubble but we have both kind of isolated so we could see each other but they still don't want to risk it

OP’s posts: |
DaphneFanshaw Wed 12-Aug-20 21:24:04

Why would going out for dinner mean less social distancing or hugging ?
I think the heat is getting to me.

Thirtyrock39 Wed 12-Aug-20 21:26:38

I guess at a pub or restaurant things are a bit more formal so less likely for kids to clamber on knees etc and a more controlled environment - I kind of see the thinking that this might be easier to distance at. I think somr people are still nervous about mixing households in a house setting - hygiene re cutlery, shared equipment, toilet issue etc ..

Thund3rMumma Wed 12-Aug-20 21:27:08

Okay. So when we normally go out for a meal my children normally get out of their seats while waiting for the meal to come out to sit and cuddle their grandparents. They think going for a meal will make it easier to understand for the children that they can't be with their grandparents.
Hope this helps

OP’s posts: |
shinyredbus Wed 12-Aug-20 21:27:30

Wait - what? You will allow them to hug OF they come to you, but outside, you won’t allow them to hug?

Thund3rMumma Wed 12-Aug-20 21:28:57

They have been to see both sets of their own parents and brought their own food and stuff needed for the day. Only went inside the house for the toilet and used disinfect for the toilet seat

OP’s posts: |
sitckmansladylove Wed 12-Aug-20 21:29:11

I get it. Mil wants a meal out. So this is a good excuse. But it's ridiculous. Also who pays for the meal (though it should be half price Monday). Maybe she wants to make the best of the offer.

YummyInMyTummy Wed 12-Aug-20 21:29:22

It’s your daughter’s birthday, so you should do whatever would be more enjoyable for her. Your MiL can then decide if it’s something she is comfortable to attend or not.

DaphneFanshaw Wed 12-Aug-20 21:31:27


Okay. So when we normally go out for a meal my children normally get out of their seats while waiting for the meal to come out to sit and cuddle their grandparents. They think going for a meal will make it easier to understand for the children that they can't be with their grandparents.
Hope this helps

Your Mil thinks this ?
If so you’re right, she is bonkers.
Her heart is probably in the right place and she’s obviously massively over thinking things, but it’s abatshit plan with no method behind the madness.

UtMalumPluvia Wed 12-Aug-20 21:44:58

So your Mil is worried the virus and would rather not hug the children and thinks because you cant stop them from hugging her that a meal out will make it easier for them to understand they can't hug her at the moment at all.

You think if she's anxious about hugging then she can't physically see them and shouldn't bother at all?

WhereTheCrawdadsSing Wed 12-Aug-20 21:49:48

I don't get her logic at all. She's worried about the virus, so, instead of meeting up with a handful of people in a garden, she would rather go somewhere where plates, cutlery, food is being handled by lots of different people, (although I'm sure this is being done as safely as possible in good places etc etc), where you would all have to sit together indoors the whole time and where other people will be sitting in the same room, nobody wearing masks, because that's impossible while eating...?

I mean, YANBU, she does sound a bit silly.

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