To not want DDs boyfriend in our home..

[passthemustard]

So... a couple of weeks ago my DD(18) went out with her BF (20) and some friends and they all had a few drinks. She was staying at his house and they went back with one of his friends (F) as the friends Dad was going to pick her up from there.
The friend passed out on the bed while waiting for her dad and my DD feeling worse for wear went to sleep on the bed beside her. Only she woken some time later by her BF and this friend having sex.
She appears to have forgiven him but I can't get over it. I think she's a mug and I don't want him in my house. She says she won't finish with him so I need to get over myself and she's more cross with me not allowing him in the house than she is for him doing what he did.
AIBU?

[mbosnz]

To be honest, I'd prefer to have the nasty little sod in my house, under my eye.

[Kapalika]

Nope, not being unreasonable at all.
Your house and you don’t want this entitled fuckwit there.

Have you talked to your daughter about why she’s forgiven him?

[Weebitawks]

It's awful but you're not achieving anything by banning him from the house except pushing her towards him

[Aquamarine1029]

Your house, your rules. I wouldn't let him in either, because to me that is condoning his disgusting, if not criminal, behaviour. Does your daughter not realise that her boyfriend may have raped this girl?

[mbosnz]

I mean, had the other girl come round? She was 'passed out'.

[chipsandpeas]

if you refuse which you are in your rights to do so then you may push her further towards him and away from you

[GreekOddess]

I would have him in the house she is old enough to make her own decisions but I would tell him that I know what he has done and that I think he is a low-life. Most likely he will end it with your daughter after that as he will consider her family to be too much hassle.

[hammeringinmyhead]

Eurgh. Yanbu. I would say I don't want anyone who has shown my daughter so little respect in my house whether they be male or female.

[VimFuego101]

What he did to your DD was horrible, but I'd also be questioning whether her friend was capable of consenting to sex given she was unwell/ sleeping.

[Ooooosh]

I would refuse, what a nasty piece of work!

[Drinkingallthewine]

Hang on, he was having sex with her friend who was passed out drunk?

Or did friend wake up, and was she even capable of consent?

[passthemustard]

The other girl had come round and was consenting.

[Huhokthen]

...this man "had sex" with an unconscious girl, in your house!? That's what we call rape. You should have called the police.

[Toilenstripes]

For me this falls under Actions have Consequences. It sounds like she’s trying to be the cool girl.

[Huhokthen]

Cross post. Surely if she'd been so drunk she passed out, she wasn't capable of consent just an hour or so after?

[Seracursoren]

So not only did he cheat on her, she got a ringside seat to this cheating.

I would wonder why she thought so little of herself that she would forgive him.

But no, I wouldn't want him at my house either. She can go out with him but you don't have to like him.

I am assuming he had an STI check after shagging the other girl. In my head I am betting he hasn't.

[Legohead7]

I wouldn’t want him in my house either! How awful! However I agree with a previous poster, you’ll only push him away by banning him. Hopefully she’ll eventually come to her senses and leave this guy!

[MsEllany]

I would be so so angry. With him for being a shit and with her for having so little self respect she’ll forgive a man who not only shagged her friend, but did it in front of her!

I would refuse to have him in my home as he’s simply not welcome. I’d also point out to my daughter if he’s willing to do that when she could wake up and see him then I wonder what he does when she’s not there.

[passthemustard]

She's going to uni in a few weeks (crossing fingers for tomorrow) so I'm hoping that it'll all be over then anyway

[Ihopeyourcakeisshit]

Yanbu
What a low life

[Aquamarine1029]

Stand your ground, op. Your daughter can lower her standards and morals if she wants to, but you definitely shouldn't. You need to set an example for what is acceptable behaviour and who is worthy of sharing your life with.

Given your daughter is 18, she will do what she wants, but that privilege does not extend to what happens in your home.

[Smiliboo]

He wouldn't be in my house.
And I'd be doing everything I could to open my daughters eyes to his vile behaviour!

[Ihopeyourcakeisshit]

Best of luck tomorrow!

[Smiliboo]

I can't believe he did that right next to her! Literally on the same bed.
Is there more to this story? How did you find out?

[AdoreTheBeach]

Oh how terrible for your daughter and I can totally understand where you’re coming from. You don’t want to foster this relationship and frankly, how do you even look at the little bastard. Yuk!

However, like another poster said, if you ban him outright, you push your daughter towards him

Rather, explain to her why you don’t like him because if his actions, lack of respect for your daughter and the other girl. This is so telly g about his character and you just can’t foster her relationship with him because of this and how he clearly thinks is ok to treat your daughter, hurt her and his friend. However, that he can certainly collect her, drop her off but you’re not comfortable your dislike for his actions won’t come through if you’re forced to spend a lot of time in his company.


Do you allow visitors while you’re not home? If so, perhaps you can allow him to visit linger while you’re out with understanding he ring hang around when you’re home.