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To not want DDs boyfriend in our home..

(151 Posts)
passthemustard Wed 12-Aug-20 17:15:38

So... a couple of weeks ago my DD(18) went out with her BF (20) and some friends and they all had a few drinks. She was staying at his house and they went back with one of his friends (F) as the friends Dad was going to pick her up from there.
The friend passed out on the bed while waiting for her dad and my DD feeling worse for wear went to sleep on the bed beside her. Only she woken some time later by her BF and this friend having sex.
She appears to have forgiven him but I can't get over it. I think she's a mug and I don't want him in my house. She says she won't finish with him so I need to get over myself and she's more cross with me not allowing him in the house than she is for him doing what he did.
AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
mbosnz Wed 12-Aug-20 17:17:44

To be honest, I'd prefer to have the nasty little sod in my house, under my eye.

Kapalika Wed 12-Aug-20 17:19:03

Nope, not being unreasonable at all.
Your house and you don’t want this entitled fuckwit there.

Have you talked to your daughter about why she’s forgiven him?

Weebitawks Wed 12-Aug-20 17:19:24

It's awful but you're not achieving anything by banning him from the house except pushing her towards him

Aquamarine1029 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:19:34

Your house, your rules. I wouldn't let him in either, because to me that is condoning his disgusting, if not criminal, behaviour. Does your daughter not realise that her boyfriend may have raped this girl?

mbosnz Wed 12-Aug-20 17:19:50

I mean, had the other girl come round? She was 'passed out'.

chipsandpeas Wed 12-Aug-20 17:20:11

if you refuse which you are in your rights to do so then you may push her further towards him and away from you

GreekOddess Wed 12-Aug-20 17:21:14

I would have him in the house she is old enough to make her own decisions but I would tell him that I know what he has done and that I think he is a low-life. Most likely he will end it with your daughter after that as he will consider her family to be too much hassle.

hammeringinmyhead Wed 12-Aug-20 17:21:22

Eurgh. Yanbu. I would say I don't want anyone who has shown my daughter so little respect in my house whether they be male or female.

VimFuego101 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:21:38

What he did to your DD was horrible, but I'd also be questioning whether her friend was capable of consenting to sex given she was unwell/ sleeping.

Ooooosh Wed 12-Aug-20 17:21:41

I would refuse, what a nasty piece of work!

Drinkingallthewine Wed 12-Aug-20 17:22:43

Hang on, he was having sex with her friend who was passed out drunk?

Or did friend wake up, and was she even capable of consent?

passthemustard Wed 12-Aug-20 17:22:52

The other girl had come round and was consenting.

OP’s posts: |
Huhokthen Wed 12-Aug-20 17:23:09

...this man "had sex" with an unconscious girl, in your house!? That's what we call rape. You should have called the police.

Toilenstripes Wed 12-Aug-20 17:23:21

For me this falls under Actions have Consequences. It sounds like she’s trying to be the cool girl.

Huhokthen Wed 12-Aug-20 17:24:03

Cross post. Surely if she'd been so drunk she passed out, she wasn't capable of consent just an hour or so after?

Seracursoren Wed 12-Aug-20 17:24:10

So not only did he cheat on her, she got a ringside seat to this cheating.

I would wonder why she thought so little of herself that she would forgive him.

But no, I wouldn't want him at my house either. She can go out with him but you don't have to like him.

I am assuming he had an STI check after shagging the other girl. In my head I am betting he hasn't.

Legohead7 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:24:10

I wouldn’t want him in my house either! How awful! However I agree with a previous poster, you’ll only push him away by banning him. Hopefully she’ll eventually come to her senses and leave this guy!

MsEllany Wed 12-Aug-20 17:24:49

I would be so so angry. With him for being a shit and with her for having so little self respect she’ll forgive a man who not only shagged her friend, but did it in front of her!

I would refuse to have him in my home as he’s simply not welcome. I’d also point out to my daughter if he’s willing to do that when she could wake up and see him then I wonder what he does when she’s not there.

passthemustard Wed 12-Aug-20 17:25:07

She's going to uni in a few weeks (crossing fingers for tomorrow) so I'm hoping that it'll all be over then anyway

OP’s posts: |
Ihopeyourcakeisshit Wed 12-Aug-20 17:25:19

Yanbu
What a low life

Aquamarine1029 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:25:26

Stand your ground, op. Your daughter can lower her standards and morals if she wants to, but you definitely shouldn't. You need to set an example for what is acceptable behaviour and who is worthy of sharing your life with.

Given your daughter is 18, she will do what she wants, but that privilege does not extend to what happens in your home.

Smiliboo Wed 12-Aug-20 17:25:59

He wouldn't be in my house.
And I'd be doing everything I could to open my daughters eyes to his vile behaviour!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Wed 12-Aug-20 17:26:04

Best of luck tomorrow!

Smiliboo Wed 12-Aug-20 17:26:35

I can't believe he did that right next to her! Literally on the same bed.
Is there more to this story? How did you find out?

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