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AIBU to not tell him I'm on my period

(353 Posts)
DinoRavager Wed 12-Aug-20 16:19:57

I have a casual relationship. We meet up roughly every couple of weeks, go for dinner and go back to mine or his. We have a good friendship and enjoy each other's company, but it's not serious and we don't really talk in between meeting up.

I usually cancel if my period is heavy but if my period is light/medium, I just use a menstrual sponge and get on with things. I've never mentioned it to my casual and he doesn't know. It's never leaked or been a problem. If he did ask why I never seem to have a period I'd probably tell him, but I don't think it matters. He doesn't ask, I don't tell.

I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's unfair to have sex with him whilst on my period without his consent. I don't think my period is any of his business and if it makes no difference, he doesn't need to know.

YABU - He should know I'm on my period
YANBU - It's not his business

OP’s posts: |
peachpuppy Wed 12-Aug-20 16:24:24

To be honest, if you can tell him in a light-hearted / joking way then it's an easy way to gauge who he is as a person. It doesn't have to be a serious sit-down conversation, but (just in case) it might spare some embarrassment in case anything comes up in the future. Plus, if he's immature about it then that's good to know now before you keep seeing him! x

MouthBreathingRage Wed 12-Aug-20 16:26:37

Righto.

bridgetreilly Wed 12-Aug-20 16:36:23

If he can't tell, then it makes no difference to him and he doesn't need to know. If there's blood everywhere and you won't say why, then obviously that's weird and unreasonable.

FarTooSkinny Wed 12-Aug-20 16:42:02

You never know, he could be a menophiliac

Chocolate4me Wed 12-Aug-20 16:44:18

I'm intrigued about this sponge! I use a mooncup but my OH would get a sharp surprise if I used that during sex 😂 going to Google this sponge!

But I would just say to him you have periods but use a device to stop it in its tracks so it doesn't impact on sex, he must be quite OK with discussing it if he asked

QuacksInTheDark Wed 12-Aug-20 17:00:07

Okey dokey.

EuphegeniaDoubtfire Wed 12-Aug-20 17:06:55

Thank you for sharing.

BluebellForest836 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:10:35

So he’s giving you oral while your on? Bit grim and yes he should know.

MrsPatrickDempsey Wed 12-Aug-20 17:11:38

Wondering how he doesn't feel the sponge???

Boomclaps Wed 12-Aug-20 17:13:16

I’m pretty sure sex with the sponge isn’t advised

WearyandBleary Wed 12-Aug-20 17:16:04

I wouldn’t have sex with someone I couldn’t talk to about basic biological issues tbh.

IncrediblySadToo Wed 12-Aug-20 17:16:35

I think if there's likely to be any oral involved then telling him is the decent thing to do, but other than that, there's no need surely?!

When I was younger I'd have been the same, but these days it's either absent or a bloody blood bath. There's no keeping it neatly tucked away these days!

combatbarbie Wed 12-Aug-20 17:16:52

I use the beppy sponges in the same way OP, I really can't see why you need his consent 🤔

And for those asking, my DH doesn't notice much difference with the sponge.... Its getting the fucker out that can be tricky.

Fatted Wed 12-Aug-20 17:17:04

How does he not notice the sponge?!

EatsShootsAndRuns Wed 12-Aug-20 17:17:17

I can't imagine how this exact topic would come up with friends tbh. And my friends and I are very frank open people. hmm

Palavah Wed 12-Aug-20 17:18:17

Doesn't the sponge get in the way?

Have you ever talked to him about swx on your period and how he would feel about it?

I don't think it's equivalent to, eg surreptitiously removing a condom or whatever, but if there's a chance you might leak then I'd rather earn him and put a towel down than have a shock and he thinks he's injured you.

DeeTractor Wed 12-Aug-20 17:18:22

Did ye aye

YouJustDoYou Wed 12-Aug-20 17:18:45

Wtf

DinoRavager Wed 12-Aug-20 17:23:25

Beppy sponges. Someone actually recommended then on here a few months ago and I’ve not looked back. You can’t feel then - they sit right at the cervix wall (maybe TMI). They are safe to use during sex as long as you change them afterwards.
Outside of sex, I do use them sometimes as they are really comfortable.

Only asking because my friend insisted he needs to know. I don’t think he does.

OP’s posts: |
CandleWick4 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:23:28

Totally unhelpful comment but I can’t get my head around people having sex when they’re on their period. I honestly couldn’t think of anything I would rather do less then have sex while I’m bleeding.
Can’t you just say ‘I’m on my period but if you don’t mind I don’t’.

DinoRavager Wed 12-Aug-20 17:25:55

EatsShootsAndRuns

I can't imagine how this exact topic would come up with friends tbh. And my friends and I are very frank open people. hmm

I was rummaging in my bag looking for something and they asked what the packet was. But we are very open and friends and definitely over share. I think lots of people talk about similar things when out drinking with friends.

OP’s posts: |
DinoRavager Wed 12-Aug-20 17:28:05

Palavah

Doesn't the sponge get in the way?

Have you ever talked to him about swx on your period and how he would feel about it?

I don't think it's equivalent to, eg surreptitiously removing a condom or whatever, but if there's a chance you might leak then I'd rather earn him and put a towel down than have a shock and he thinks he's injured you.

That’s a fair point. I do get my period once whilst I was there (after sex) but in his bed. He just said ‘don’t worry, these things happen’ and that was that.

That was before the discovery of the sponges though so it’s not really come up again since.

OP’s posts: |
Smiliboo Wed 12-Aug-20 17:29:32

Use a condom. If the problem is blood contact?
I mean you should be using a condom with a casual anyway tbh!

WB205020 Wed 12-Aug-20 17:29:59

OP is he performing oral on you? If he is then he absolutely has a right to know and you should tell him.

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