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Friend won't meet with me because I don't have kids ..aibu ?

(212 Posts)
notonmylife Tue 11-Aug-20 13:20:04

Hi I'm 35 and always wanted children but unfortunately never happened.
Been friends with my friend for 22 years (school friend) she means the world to me and were "best" friends.
We still text every week and she will ring me but she never wants to meet up anymore because I don't have children.
Her eldest is 7 and youngest nearly 1.
She doesn't have anyone to babysit so she has them every day /night.
I've asked her if she wants to meet up with kids obviously.
I've suggested going for lunch with soft play for kids/wildlife parks/beach/parks for picnics/cinema (kids movies ) etc etc
This is what she said to me
"I just want to stick to meeting friends who have Kids as "eldest" would be bored otherwise.
Last year she asked me to organise her baby shower and I sorted the venue/guests /food etc but I'm not invited to his 1st birthday.

I always wanted kids.
I love my friend like a sister and would love to be in her kids life too.
It's sad that she doesn't want to meet up.
She rang this morning for a chat,she was off to the beach with a friend (who has a 3 year old)

I'm so sad all the time.
Aibu to think we can still meet up in some capacity?

OP’s posts: |
AllPlayedOut Tue 11-Aug-20 13:23:19

I'd find a new friend. She sounds awful and it seems like a very one sided friendship.

malificent7 Tue 11-Aug-20 13:23:55

She is being a knob and thinks she has joined some special mum club. How hurtful.

lyralalala Tue 11-Aug-20 13:25:35

So you're good enough to run around after her organising her baby shower, but you're not good enough to play any part in her children's lives?

Fuck that. She's not a friend.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Tue 11-Aug-20 13:25:59

She’s not your friend, sorry. Time to make yourself available for better ones.

AlwaysCheddar Tue 11-Aug-20 13:26:17

Wow! She’s not a friend.

Summerhillsquare Tue 11-Aug-20 13:26:56

Ooh no, I don't stand for that sort of nonsense. She's odd.

VettiyaIruken Tue 11-Aug-20 13:26:58

She's no friend.

notonmylife Tue 11-Aug-20 13:27:02

Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids ?

OP’s posts: |
LouScot Tue 11-Aug-20 13:27:21

Hi @notonmylife, I've lost contact with some friends with kids too (and like you I'd love to have them) but it's been more gradual and less bitchy to be honest than your friend has been. Asking you to organise a baby shower then not inviting you to the 1st birthday party is rather mean. You sound lovely, offering to do things involving the kids. It's perfectly fine for her to have other friends, but could have perhaps been more sensitive. I'd not "end" the friendship as such if I was you, but try to focus less and keep in touch on a more casual basis. It's nothing to do with you and your worth as a friend.

Travis1 Tue 11-Aug-20 13:27:25

She’s a cow. I’d look for a new friend. How horrible of her

TheMerryWidow1 Tue 11-Aug-20 13:27:41

Let her go she is not worth it.

notonmylife Tue 11-Aug-20 13:28:07

I could understand how her eldest enjoys other children for company but surely it would be ok on 1 outing every month.

OP’s posts: |
LagunaBubbles Tue 11-Aug-20 13:28:43

Time to end this friendship.

DoIneed1 Tue 11-Aug-20 13:29:26

She doesn't consider you as important in her life as you consider her in your's, Op. I am sorry, it must really hurt.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 11-Aug-20 13:29:50

she sounds really insensitive and a bit of an asshole tbh. I'd move on if I were you

LouScot Tue 11-Aug-20 13:30:19

And no, some friends with kids have been there just the same, but in a different way, ie coffee during the day rather than drinks /clubs at night. You're offering to suit her needs now so it's her, not you. Not all mums will be like that so don't let that stop you making friends with others

Estrellente Tue 11-Aug-20 13:30:32

That’s awful!
You are a good friend to her, but she is not a good friend to you.

Bootskates Tue 11-Aug-20 13:30:57

This is awful. I have a child and my best friend of 20 years doesn't. I would love for her to be more like you as my friend doesn't like the idea of coming with us to the places you have suggested, although I do make an effort to do some childfree things with her too.

Your friend is not acting like a friend imo flowers

AryaStarkWolf Tue 11-Aug-20 13:31:50


Is this how it is ?
I'm assuming a lot of you are mums?
Would you be like this ?
Would you not bother with someone if they have no kids ?

It's absolutely not how it is. She's not a very nice person

LittleGungHo Tue 11-Aug-20 13:31:57

I also do not have children.
I have had the same with one 'friend'. The example that hurt the most was that I did not get invited to afternoon tea at a garden centre as I did not have a child. Childless people don't like tea and cake confused.
However another friend of mine loves the fact that I show an interest in her and her kid but loves that we have a diverse conversation.
Protect your heart and don't let her use you.

elainesummers Tue 11-Aug-20 13:32:18

She sounds horrible sad Most mums wouldn't behave like this OP so don't write us all off. Definitely ditch this "friend" though.

notonmylife Tue 11-Aug-20 13:32:23

One of my other good friends has two kids and we have good days out.
Go to funfair and have 1 child each on rides and beach etc
We do have child free meets too.

The friend I'm talking about makes no effort with me anymore and I'm drained trying to make effort with her.
I haven't seen her since November.
It just seems pointless now.

OP’s posts: |
pigsDOfly Tue 11-Aug-20 13:33:23

Well, she's no friend is she. Tbh, she sounds like a user.

You're suggesting lovely things to do with her children and she's just pushing you away and letting you know she's doing nice things with others. She sounds horrible.

Time to ditch her and find some nicer people to spend your time and friendship with.

WorraLiberty Tue 11-Aug-20 13:33:25

She sounds as though she's making excuses.

If it was really about her eldest child being bored, she'd invite you to her home, where he has all his own toys etc.

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