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First day at nursery- not happy with them

(61 Posts)
Khtchkn Mon 10-Aug-20 22:40:32

I’d just like some advice and how you would feel. It was my sons first day at nursery today and I’m feeling quite upset about what happened. I take him to what’s considered a really good nursery in my area, so I thought I’d have the confidence for him to go there and the staff to look after him. They have an online parent zone app where they update what your baby gets up to. The very first thing they posted was what meal he had for lunch and next to it they wrote “ate nothing”. LO has a v big appetite so I called them straight away as I was worried and they said they’d try again later. They didn’t update me, but they posted other stuff they gave him eg “crackers and cucumber”. I don’t think this is enough for a baby that is there from 9am - 5.30pm.. and LO eats mushy food like spaghetti bol or Shepard’s pie, fish pie, easy chewable food. he can’t eat crunchy food like crackers and cucumber he just spits it out. it really annoyed me that they wrote “ate nothing” as surely they’d want to reassure the parents of their child’s first day at nursery and when I saw that it worried me. I’ve been told by other mums their nursery update everyday so much stuff and also pictures of them and what they get up to. But they just sent me a picture of some books on a table, and some toys laid out without LO??. So I don’t even know what he did. the whole day I was thinking irrationally “they haven’t posted anything bcos that means he’s constantly crying so they don’t want to show me”. When I picked him up and asked how his first day was they didn’t explain anything and said “some times he was sad, sometimes he was happy”. Nursery fees are ridiculously expensive and Im not sure if I’m expecting too much but would you be ok with this? It just worried me how dehydrated he was and that he ate barely nothing throughout the day and had a big dinner when he got back home as he was obviously hungry...

OP’s posts: |
RedHelenB Mon 10-Aug-20 22:46:24

He was in a new environment. I get less hunary out of my comfort zone. He was offered food, as he settles he'll eat more.

If you want 1- 1 care you need to employ a bunny, YABU.

ProseccoGlass Mon 10-Aug-20 22:49:28

I think you are having separation anxiety from DS! You can call them up as many times as you like to see how DS is getting on but besides that I don't think they can update you on every little thing DS does throughout his time there, I do think however the lack of information on his first day simply saying sometimes he was sad sometimes he was happy isn't very reassuring.
They were being honest with you about how he ate, first days maybe even weeks DS will just be trying to settle in and grasp his new environment maybe he didn't eat because he was anxious, maybe he was too busy being intrigued by the other children.

Changedmynamelots Mon 10-Aug-20 22:49:49

Hey Op how old is your son? Nursery settling in can take a while sometimes, things are different than what they are used too, food being one of these.
You might spoon feed, they don’t have the time to do that etc.

We don’t have an ap for my DD nursery, photos go on a private group at the end of the week. I don’t expect an itemised account of her day. I trust that they will give her water and snacks etc when she needs them.

She squeals with delight every day I drop her off and that is good enough for me.

Try again tomorrow and just put this down as the first day and things will get better. Setting in might take a few weeks and be ready for

CookieMumsters Mon 10-Aug-20 22:51:08

You sound very anxious about leaving him. Are you uncomfortable with it?

He was in a new situation, and didn't eat a lot. Would you rather they had lied and said he'd eaten well? As for eating crunchy food, he'll only learn by trying.

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby Mon 10-Aug-20 22:51:08

How old is he? I'd be concerned at inappropriate food being offered, as it could be a choke hazard.

Foxinthechickencoop Mon 10-Aug-20 22:51:28

Well I can understand why you felt worried. I was the same when by first DD started nursery.
I think they have been a bit sparse with information, but I would have pushed and asked lots of questions from them. Has he has any settling in sessions with his key worker? Have you managed to build a rapport with them?

It’s always horrible leaving them with other people. How old is he?

Sugartitties Mon 10-Aug-20 22:52:53

crikey, they must spend half the day updating the app. i think you’re being unreasonable.

sruitfalad Mon 10-Aug-20 22:52:54

Don't write off the nursery based on one day. Give it a few weeks and see how your son gets on. How old is he? Have you had settling in sessions at the nursery?

@RedHelenB- bunny made me laugh!

Fatted Mon 10-Aug-20 22:53:37

It isn't easy when it's your first DC going to nursery, but they don't behave in a child care setting the same way they behave at home. Especially if it's his first day and he's very young. By the sounds of it he's a baby, so is more than likely going to be unsettled for a while, not eating and napping like he would at home. It is also likely he will be upset. But they will try to comfort him. I think one day is too early to decide. It's a big change for your DC and he will need time to adapt and adjust. Did he have any settling in sessions?

The main thing I would be concerned about is how they were with you when you asked in person? Did they seem interested in your concerns or did you feel like they were fobbing you off?

Wtfdidwedo Mon 10-Aug-20 22:55:39


He was in a new environment. I get less hunary out of my comfort zone. He was offered food, as he settles he'll eat more.

If you want 1- 1 care you need to employ a bunny, YABU.

This is one of my favourite spelling mistakes.

LittleHootie Mon 10-Aug-20 22:56:47

Give it more time. Mine were lovely but didn't use the app as much as I'd like.

Rest assured they'll be aware of what babaies can and cant manage for snacks and will know when to worry about intake.

To be honest I would want to reassure a parent on a first day by posting photos but who knows what challenges they were facing that day.

SnackSizeRaisin Mon 10-Aug-20 22:57:06

I wouldn't care about updating an app, and eating differently is probably to be expected. However I would expect them to be able to give a lot more detail about what he did and how he was, whether happy or crying etc, at the end of his first day. Vagueness implies that they either don't know, don't care, or don't want to tell you. I would not send my pre verbal baby somewhere that the staff don't communicate effectively with parents.

Marcipex Mon 10-Aug-20 22:59:29

Don’t bother hiring a bunny 😁
I’d give it a couple of weeks, settling takes time.

CasperGutman Mon 10-Aug-20 22:59:59

How young is he? If he's still getting most of his needs from milk then the food he has or has not eaten at lunchtime matters very little.

MumsyMumIAmNot Mon 10-Aug-20 23:00:22

YABU. Keep baby home if you are going to be one of those mums.

Helpimfalling Mon 10-Aug-20 23:01:40

I use to work in a child care setting and we had new starters all the time

Most on them use to cry all day but of course we couldn't lay that on thick to the mum or she would feel guilty

Some you couldn't get a photo of Because they were a little too Moany and unsettled so we'd have to try to work around it.

Today was a very hot day and I can imagine all baby's in there care were tetchy so could be hard to write a long detailed report on the app.

I'd personally rather someone was being hands on with my baby.

It depends who the key worker is to be painfully honest with you as to wether baby was very upset or not but we never want to upset guilty mums so sometimes down play it.

I am a mum and now how important first days are but some nursery workers don't get the importance.

It does take some children a long time to settle my daughter took months of full time but oh my lord did she learn to love it.

It can take a while but they will be fine

Sorry if my post is jumbled I'm over heated lol

PutBabyInTheCorner Mon 10-Aug-20 23:03:13

I don't think you're being unreasonable.
I've worked full-time since all of my children were 6 months old but the first day in childcare is always difficult and I'd have expected them to go above and beyond to make you feel reassured.
Their feedback at the end of the day is pretty useless too.
Maybe you are being over anxious, although I don't get that from your post. I'd ask about why he didn't eat anything, that would worry me too.
As you say childcare is expensive. I'm sure it will get easier and they will give you more updates and your little one will feel settled soon but if not have you considered a childminder? I have always had a childminder and found it works really well for me.

nevisbump Mon 10-Aug-20 23:03:54

I would be annoyed they are spending time updating an app. My two are good eaters but can be fussy at times at nursery. At their nursery there is the main lunch and if they don't eat that, they are offered a sandwich and if they don't eat that they are offered cereal or toast. If they dont eat anything they will give me a call but it tends to be they had a big snack or there was something new on that distracted them that day. I wouldn't write it off just cause of that. And i used to call several times a day, it wasn't doing me any good as I was clock watching for phone time!

TokyoSushi Mon 10-Aug-20 23:04:50

Don't panic yet, it's day 1. I think with nursery you have to adjust you're expectations, they're just not going to look after him like you do.

What you do need to assess, is if he's happy, safe and cared for, if you can answer yes to these questions in a few weeks when he's settled in then you've probably got what you need.

Phoenix76 Mon 10-Aug-20 23:05:37

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable op (I’d like to know if these people who are saying you are would really be happy if it was their dc in this situation). I’ve had 2 dc go through nursery (one still in pre school) in an average priced setting and they’re so much better than this. This isn’t a case of PFB they should do better. I don’t ask any details because I haven’t needed to, everything I’ been told has always matched up with how my dc are so I know it’s not made up to keep me from asking questions, I bloody love our nursery and staff.
I would suggest that you see how it goes for a couple of weeks and how your lo seems in their self being there then make your decision from there. You’re totally not asking too much this is standard stuff especially as it’s your first time.

angelikacpickles Mon 10-Aug-20 23:05:44

Why can't he eat crackers? Was he really only offered two meals for the whole day? Surely he had other snacks or milk?

BackforGood Mon 10-Aug-20 23:05:49

Another who loves the idea of employing a bunny grin

Personally, I'd want the Nursery to be honest with me. If he hadn't eaten anything, I'd be glad they told me that.

I'd also be concerned if the staff were spending all day updating an app rather than interacting with my child (and all the other dc there).

How old is your ds ?

How much have you left him before ?
What settling in sessions did he do ?
How did he get on there ?

IncrediblySadToo Mon 10-Aug-20 23:06:15


He was in a new environment. I get less hunary out of my comfort zone. He was offered food, as he settles he'll eat more.

If you want 1- 1 care you need to employ a bunny, YABU.

Well, 🐰🐰they are cute. Not terribly good at changing nappies though?!

SnackSizeRaisin Mon 10-Aug-20 23:06:31

Most on them use to cry all day but of course we couldn't lay that on thick to the mum or she would feel guilty

Maybe mums would rather be told the truth??

I do agree I'd rather they looked after my upset baby than spent their time updating an app

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