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I'm a full time NHS nurse, partner thinks it's easy, won't do anything around the house,

(290 Posts)
Las909090 Sun 09-Aug-20 20:14:51

Totally new to this but I'm at the end of my tether here. I don't have kids I'll point that out to start.
I'm a 30yr old nhs nurse, working full time 37.5hrs per week usually with an extra 10hr shift every 2 weeks. My partner has his own fabrication business which he works usually from 8-5ish each day with one employee. We've been together 3 years, living together one and due to get married in a few months. He's a lovely man and has plenty of good points BUT I'm so sick of hearing 'I wish I had 3 days off every week' he does no housework unless I ask him to (things like put that plate in the dishwasher seem to be too much for him to do and he gets all quiet), never cooks at all. I'll come home from horrible shifts late to him asking what's for dinner, he won't ever offer to cook for me, in the evenings when I can hardly move I'm that tired post work hell ask me to go and make him a cup of tea.
It's so frustrating because I feel like he always compares my job to his, I try to explain the things I do and see at work but it's like he's in competition with me and always has to make out his job is harder and he works harder. I challenged him about it today and he said 'I don't know if your jobs hard I duno what you do each day' to which I couldn't even reply... Does he not watch the news?! The selfishness of it all is really getting to me. We were both raised in the country where the men worked and the women did all the household things... But these women didn't work full time. I just need to vent!! I duno how to get through to him!?

OP’s posts: |
Stopthehop Sun 09-Aug-20 20:16:52

Don't marry him this will only get worse.

RandomTree Sun 09-Aug-20 20:17:11

He's selfish and lazy. Don't ever, ever have kids with this man!

JuniperFather Sun 09-Aug-20 20:18:55

Why are you with him @Las909090 ?

Queenoftheashes Sun 09-Aug-20 20:19:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Purpleartichoke Sun 09-Aug-20 20:20:12

This kind of behavior only gets worse with time. You need to do some serious soul searching and decide if you can spend a lifetime like this.

Sheepareawesome Sun 09-Aug-20 20:21:11

Leave him, don't marry this waste of space. He wants a housekeeper not a partner.

tiredanddangerous Sun 09-Aug-20 20:22:27

Please don't marry him. I guarantee you will regret it if you do.

billy1966 Sun 09-Aug-20 20:22:38

Another absolute waster.

Make plans to move on unless you want to sign up for a really miserable life.

Clymene Sun 09-Aug-20 20:24:17

Thank god you don't have kids. Ditch this lazy loser now. He's not a good man, he's horrible.


Iwouldlikesomecake Sun 09-Aug-20 20:24:41

He’s a cock.

As if anyone is thick enough to not be able to fathom what a nurse might be doing all day even if there wasn’t a pandemic.

He knows you aren’t just sitting around doing nothing, but it suits him to do nothing so he does nothing. He will never be any better I’m afraid. Please dump him. You deserve SO much better than this.

From a fellow NHS worker

Bloodylush Sun 09-Aug-20 20:24:59

Bad attitude. Of course he knows what a nurse does and if he doesn’t acknowledge what his own partner is doing in a worldwide pandemic then there is no hope.

Why would you marry him? DON’T!

Lelophants Sun 09-Aug-20 20:25:05

He should respect you. What an idiot! Explain how upset you are and that you are actually reconsidering your future. See what he says then.

FlyingPandas Sun 09-Aug-20 20:25:42

It’s nothing to do with your job v his job, op.

It’s because he’s an arse, has no consideration or respect for you and just wants you to be his servant.

You need to have a long hard think. It’s not about competition as to whose job is hardest, it’s about each having a basic respect, compassion and love for your partner. He should want to take care of you and do nice things for you. From what you’ve posted, he has no desire to do that at all.

You don’t have to live like this.

Whoknowswhocares Sun 09-Aug-20 20:26:00

Seriously, why do people always describe these lazy idiots as ‘lovely’

It is not lovely in any way, shape or form. He couldn’t give a toss how tired you feel or how stressed you are. Just that he wants an unpaid maid service.
No way would I be considering a future with someone who gave me so little consideration.

ShebaShimmyShake Sun 09-Aug-20 20:26:19

Why do so many women start by telling us their partner is a great man right before telling us why he's really really not?

As for getting through to him, you won't. And be honest: if you suddenly worked 60 hours a week in your very demanding and important job, do you think he would suddenly respect it and pick up the domestic load? And is he really so thick that he doesn't know what a nurse does? Either he's entirely dense or he just likes belittling what you do. Neither is good.

Call off the wedding. They don't get better with time and parenthood, these ones.

MsVestibule Sun 09-Aug-20 20:26:58

You won't get through to him. You'll get married, have children, continue working either FT or PT and STILL be responsible for all childcare and house related stuff. And in a few years time, you'll divorce him because he's so lazy around the house.

And you will marry him, because you love him, and anyway, who calls off a wedding because their partner doesn't pull their weight around the house?

I've been on here for too long; it's all too depressing.

LovingLola Sun 09-Aug-20 20:26:58

Be glad you have seen what he is like before you got married and have children with him.

NewKittyMeow Sun 09-Aug-20 20:29:02

Don’t marry this man - he’ll never change and you deserve much better.

Lostmymarbles1985 Sun 09-Aug-20 20:29:08

Please don't marry him. For context, I am a stay at home mum. My husband works around 80 hours a week and is usually away 2 or 3 nights. He still helps out when he is at home. Relationships are meant to involve team work. You are worth so much more!!

MeepleMe Sun 09-Aug-20 20:29:18

LTB. He's showing you that he's a selfish uncaring and frankly stupid person. Believe him! There's no changing a man like this.
FGS as if he doesn't know what a nurse does. Even if that were true, there's plenty he could read or watch to educate himself, or even just ask you!

HavelockVetinari Sun 09-Aug-20 20:29:46

Please, please do not marry this man. You are worth so much more. Even if he "improves" for a while, once you're knocked up he'll revert to type.

Runbitchrun Sun 09-Aug-20 20:30:08

I can’t understand how you’ve got three years down the line with someone who has no respect for you or what you do for a living. Please at least have some respect for yourself and leave this person.

Enderman Sun 09-Aug-20 20:30:32

You can’t and he doesn’t want to. That’s it really.

Don’t marry him, do not have children with him because you know what? You’ll be doing everything you’re doing now and all the child rearing.

EmmetEmma Sun 09-Aug-20 20:31:34

I love my husband, but he is this person and it very nearly has broken us. (We are trying to work through it as we have children).

Tell him everything you have said and if he doesn’t change leave and never look back. In fact, you should probably just leave as I can’t imagine him really changing.

To clarify, I love my husband because we have been through a lot together and he is the father of my children, but I accept that I will never have a truly happy relationship, which is really a partnership based on deep love and respect and sometimes that eviscerates me from nowhere.

When the babies come it will be a fricking nightmare - please don’t marry him (another fellow NHS worker)

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