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Was turned down. Right to be annoyed?

(111 Posts)
Chairlove Sat 08-Aug-20 19:56:18

Was having flirty text with an fwb. Our situation is we text few times during the week, meet up as friends which is sometimes platonic or sometimes stay over. We have done this for a few years. If we meet someone we are honest and maintain relationship as friends. It works. We have had a relationship in the past. It’s a convenient set up for us both, so Please don’t judge.

He has been a bit low mood due to stress in his life. I am worried he is depressed. Saw each other 4 weeks ago as friends and had food, chat and a hug. Not much intimacy due to lockdown, but a few chats on what we could of been doing.

Our normal arrangement would be to arrange a meet up on the day if we are free. It’s normally food, drink, stay over and leave midday. Like a date. We never do the drunk booty call. If it’s a friends thing, like cinema or event, we pre-arrange.

Thursday having a flirt via text. He was suggesting he has no sex drive as stressed. I joked and said you need to do something about this, he asked do I know anyone. Flirting about Finally becoming intimate again.

This afternoon flirty text. I got new underwear ad sent him pics. He said he did nothing last night. I said me neither and he said if he knew he would of come over. Again flirty that he may know someone who is naughty. I asked who, ad he said he would look around for me. Normally very direct.

Tonight he is seeing friends, not too far away from me. I suggested he come round to mine to stay after seeing friends. He replied staying with friends. That was it.

Feel a bit miffed, as normally he is more direct about meeting up. But I know he is going through some major issues and he doesn’t like the booty call idea, more come see me spend time as friends, cuddle on the sofa etc and then stays over. I think I am just in a grump as hormonal and really wanted to see him as it’s been a long lockdown. But is this a turn down as not interested, or he is busy and made plans to stay at friends so doesn’t want to change?

OP’s posts: |
ButtWormHole Sat 08-Aug-20 19:58:17

It’s a fwb can’t expect much.

I say that as someone who fell in love with my FWB and married him

Skyliner001 Sat 08-Aug-20 19:58:52

What a complete faff.

ambereeree Sat 08-Aug-20 20:00:53

Do you think he's maybe meeting someone else and doesn't want to tell you?

Chairlove Sat 08-Aug-20 20:04:09

No he is not meeting someone. He has been tagged on social media as at his mates. We are honest.

OP’s posts: |
ambereeree Sat 08-Aug-20 20:06:25

So probably just busy. Still annoying for you though!

ichifanny Sat 08-Aug-20 20:06:38

You sound a bit over invested in him or like that you have proper feeling for him to be honest .

Thecobwebsarewinning Sat 08-Aug-20 20:13:07

I agree that this doesn’t sound like a FWB situation. This sounds more like you trying to keep him keen until he realises he has feelings for you.

Whatever it is, it’s a bit tactless to invite him round for a shag when he’s told you his sex drive is low at the moment and you already know he doesn’t like booty calls.

I think maybe you need to be looking around for someone else in your life who can give you what you are looking for. Don’t waste time on someone who isn’t willing or able to be there for you.

sonjadog Sat 08-Aug-20 20:15:48

He is busy, that is all. It wouldn't be good for him to cancel plans with friends for a booty call, would it? That would make him an arse.

RainbowFlowers Sat 08-Aug-20 20:17:32

The set up sounds more than fwb. Why do you have to spend time with each other before you sleep together?
Also the fact that one possible turn down has effected you seems like you care about him more than just fwb.

heartsonacake Sat 08-Aug-20 20:18:09

YABU. It does appear as though you are harassing him about sex by constantly mentioning it and sending him photos. He’s told you his mood has meant his sex drive is low at the moment and you should respect that.

Chairlove Sat 08-Aug-20 20:18:16

No feelings. He is a crap boyfriend. Inch better friend. Just wanted to see him tonight. He lives 30 miles away. So thought take this opportunity as he is seeing mates 3 miles away.

OP’s posts: |
ShebaShimmyShake Sat 08-Aug-20 20:18:51

The entire point of FWB is not to have to go through all this hassle.

Chairlove Sat 08-Aug-20 20:21:04

It’s never been hassle. Just are free tonight text. If busy fair dues. Just today it seems to have annoyed me. Think it’s the long lockdown

OP’s posts: |
DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 08-Aug-20 20:25:23

Agree with others, it sounds like you may have more feelings than you realise/want to admit. I have a fwb and we text lots but would never do date stuff or cuddle on the sofa as that's way too intimate.

LonginesPrime Sat 08-Aug-20 20:26:45

This doesn't sound like it has much of the "benefits" part of "FWB" for either of you, OP.

It might just be lockdown and the fact it's no fun eating out or going to the cinema anymore, or you might just be flogging a dead horse at this point.

I'd go out and find someone more interested, if I were you.

BatShite Sat 08-Aug-20 20:26:55

Doesn't sound like FWB for you. At all.

PammieDooveOrangeJoof Sat 08-Aug-20 20:30:47

He may only be 3 miles away but he already has plans to see his friends. Would be rude if he had arranged to stay with them only to suddenly bugger off to see you.

Wotrewelookinat Sat 08-Aug-20 20:30:59


What a complete faff.

Sums it up for me too. Don’t know how you can be bothered with this situation...

Kaiserin Sat 08-Aug-20 20:31:42

I dunno, sounds to me he's not really in the mood for sex right now, and would rather enjoy friend-only company. It's allowed?

Not sure about fwb, but if you were a regular couple, I'd say give him space, be emotionally there for him as a friend, but don't force his hand on the sex front.

AtrociousCircumstance Sat 08-Aug-20 20:40:18

Saying he’ll ‘look around’ for you, and the degree of deflection, suggests he’s pulling away. He’s told you he’s off sex - whether he is or isn’t, he’s trying to tell you something.

You want him to be consistent but fwb isn’t really about that I don’t suppose.

Viviennemary Sat 08-Aug-20 20:40:32

Sounds as if you are emotionally involved in spite of the fwb arrangement. You are hurt he turned you down and preferred to spend time with his friends. I think you should end the benefits part of the relationship as it doesn't seem to be benefiting you. Only causing stress and worry and uncertainty. That's my take on the situation anyway.

dudsville Sat 08-Aug-20 20:40:36

Do you have a right to your feelings? Sure. Would i have them? No.

lyralalala Sat 08-Aug-20 20:43:37

He's out with his friends. If he's staying with them it's a bit rude to expect him to change his plans really.

IceCreamSummer20 Sat 08-Aug-20 20:50:11

Again flirty that he may know someone who is naughty. I asked who, ad he said he would look around for me. I think that is sad. You are not some robot person who just needs to get off with anyone. He shouldn’t be looking for someone for you. I do get it. I’m single now and it’s very lonely. However FWB is a ruthless world. Devoid of emotion and respect, and no one is ‘special’. Even a quick fling would be better surely with somone new? Then suffer the pangs of loneliness in between but at least there would be an element of romance.

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