Am I being tight or is he?

[Flymeaway4]

My fiancé and I are expecting our first child. We live in my fiancé’s house and I pay him rent of £300/month.

He also rents out 2 rooms of the house to a friend for £515, but because the baby is coming we’ve decided it’s best for him to move out. So, my question is about what my rent should be now.

I suggested he work out the cost of his mortgage and all bills and split it down the middle, which would come to £390. He thinks it should be more......

Together we have purchased a derelict farmhouse, which we intend to refurbish into our forever home - we paid in cash and the refurb should start in about 6-9 months. We’re both fairly well off, earn about the same salary, but he has other houses that he rents out, so he has more cash savings than me. When we purchased the farmhouse, he put in a larger proportion of cash than I did (I’ve so far provided just over 25%) and the intention is that it’ll even out when I pay off the mortgage that we’ll need for the refurb.

I’ll add here that I was a first time buyer and had he been as well we’d have had no stamp duty to pay. But because he owns more than 1 house it put it up to just over £8k. To keep the peace I just paid half.

Since then, he has managed to save all the cash he needs to provide towards the refurb, c. £100k. But he is saying, instead of keeping it as cash and earning nothing from it, he could use it to pay off the mortgage on one of his rental houses now. If he doesn’t do this, we can use the cash for the refurb first, then I could delay getting the refurb mortgage that I need, thereby saving me money (it’s more expensive than a normal mortgage). It would be delayed by about 4 months, but this would mean I can get one with a 1yr term instead of 2 yrs, before remortgaging. So, to compensate for him not paying off his rental property mortgage now, he thinks I should pay half of it as additional rent (an extra £160/month). But, I argued that if he were to pay off his rental mortgage now, then he would also need an expensive refurb mortgage too, so keeping the cash is saving him money as well, not just me.

As an aside, I am not allowed to do my regular job whilst pregnant (not corona related, it’s just how it is) and am working from home, but my take home pay is reduced by about £500/month. So I’m also losing about £4K in total each time I’m pregnant with our child.

Complicated I know, which is why I can’t tell who is being tight/unreasonable.

[babycakes1010]

He sounds a selfish prick

[kerrymucklowe2020]

If you're expecting his baby why are you paying him rent?

[SimonJT]

@kerrymucklowe2020

If you're expecting his baby why are you paying him rent?

Having a baby doesn’t absolve you of financial responsibility.

[gamerchick]

It all sounds really complicated. Are you a lodger he sleeps with? Why are you paying him rent?

[Smallsteps88]

He is tight as a ducks arse. He sees your relationship as transactional. In your shoes I would be extremely worried about what would happen if you became ill and couldn’t work for a long period. This man will not look after you. He will keep a tab of every penny you “owe” him.

[gamerchick]

Me and husband have seperate finances but we each have responsibility for certain things in proportion to our own seperate incomes and neither of us would see the other go through a lean time. It's both our money.

Maybe you could do with a joint account you both pay into in proportion to your current incomes.

[SimonJT]

Are you on the mortgage for the property you live in together?

Personally, if you earn a similar amount council tax, utilities, food etc should be split 50/50. If there is a significant differenve then this should be split proportionately. If you aren’t on the mortgage for the property you’re living in I don’t think you should pay rent on top of paying bills etc. Saying that, if 50% is £390 the mortgage must be very small.

The rental properties are in his name only I assume? If so you shouldn’t be funding a single penny to them.

The refurb is trickier, he can do as he pleases with his savings. Where savings v regurb mortgage is concerned where does each situation put you financially in five years? From his point of view, how much is the rental mortgage and how much does he save by paying it off? How much is the refurb mortgage and how much do you save by having a shorter term?

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I’d expect 50/50 on the household costs. If roles were reversed the man would be called all sorts for paying a token £300 towards bills.

[Scarydinosaurs]

What was your living situation prior to this? How much would it cost you to rent a one bed flat?

It sounds as if you’re not getting a lot out of this- especially as you aren’t married.

[RandomTree]

I got a bit confused with the ins and outs of your complicated financial situation, but generally I think your idea of adding up the bills and splitting in half is the fairest way.

OP, make sure he pays a fair share of the expenses when you're on maternity leave. It's his baby too and this isn't a great sign.

[MyCatReallyIsAGit]

He is. Let’s say there are three different strands to your outgoings: the property you live in, the refurb property and his rentals.

Where you live: I’d expect to pay up to half the bills, including the mortgage if the property was to be transferred into joint names or sold to fund a joint home. But you should not be taking a hit for being pregnant - would he be open to splitting costs proportionate to income?

The refurb property sounds more complicated.

The rentals - sounds like these are his. Unless he plans to transfer equity to you and put them into joint names, I wouldn’t expect to pay anything towards them.

Do you plan to marry? If not, you might want to get some legal advice around property ownership, wills and inheritance tax, as it sounds complicated and you could be left quite vulnerable in the event of a split or, God forbid, a bereavement if assets aren’t joint.

It sounds as though he is quite happy to benefit from your money but not for you to benefit from his. This could be a sign of someone who is used to being a bachelor and financially independent (and is being thoughtless), or of someone who is selfish, transactional and tight.

It sounds like you really need a conversation to thrash out what is “mine” vs “ours”, in terms of income, savings, properties and outgoings. What you’re describing in relation to how he views income (it costing you £4k to be pregnant) does not sound fair.

[SlowDown76mph]

Is he contributing towards the impact of pregnancy on your finances? How does he plan to contribute towards the ongoing costs of a child?

[Veganfortheanimals]

Oh my god
Your having his baby
My dh would of given me his last penny when I was pregnant with his kids
Are you getting married? If not don’t move in together ,keep your money separate and live separate
He sounds like a tight arse ,you should not be paying him rent ..your having his baby ,

[AhNowTed]

"I suggested he work out the cost of his mortgage and all bills and split it down the middle, which would come to £390. He thinks it should be more......"

Has he said why he wants more than half the living costs??

[ThisLittleLady]

I’m sorry. I just gave up caring after £100k has several houses I can pay off the mortgage........

[Flymeaway4]

@gamerchick and @kerrymucklowe2020 I have no problem at all paying rent, I’m not a freeloader! I earn money too and am more than happy paying my way. Why should he pay all the expenses, when I live here too? The issue is that I just want to pay what is fair.

We have just opened a joint account for everything baby and household related, like the food shopping and if we go out for dinner etc. But we want to keep my rent separate from this.

I am not named on the mortgage for the house we currently live in, it’s solely his house, as are his other rental properties.

The £390 would be my half, so £780 altogether covers mortgage, council tax, gas, electric, water, tv, broadband etc. But not food shopping, that comes from the joint account. Those are good questions @SimonJT, I think we both need to add that up.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I’ve only been paying £300 because there has been another lodger here who also contributes, so it’s not a ‘token’. I’m planning to increase it once he leaves.

@Smallsteps88 I’m not worried about him ‘looking after me’ if I’m ill or something. Until a few days ago I was painfully close to being made redundant and he’s not mentioned this rent stuff at all for the period I was at risk. In fact he’s talked about paying off my £50k training loan with his cash, so that I wouldn’t go bankrupt if it happened! So I’m happy he’d support me if need be, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t expect to support myself when I can. So I think we’ll have to talk about the rent again soon, hence my post.

@babycakes1010 He’s not a selfish prick, but he is irritating tight with his money!

[gobbynorthernbird]

Wasn't there a post recently when a woman was told her partner should pay more than his fair share because she'd lost benefit income? Going by that, you should be paying rent and making up what your DP has lost by the lodger moving out.

[HeckyPeck]

Has he said why he wants more than half the living costs??

He sounds like a grabby fucker!

It sounds like joining finances isn’t an option so, considering you have kids together the only fair options in my view are:

1: add up all income pay for all joint bills (which will include anything for the baby of course) then split the remainder equally between you both so you have the same “spends”

2: add all income together. Work out what % each of your income is of the total and pay that proportion of joint bills each.

[Flymeaway4]

@MyCatReallyIsAGit we do plan to marry, but house comes first and we want that done before we do. I also have no interest in owning or benefitting from his rental houses (I earn enough from my job anyway and while he may earn a lot more from them, I’m lazy and can’t be bothered with the hassle!). The one house we own together, the farmhouse, is in joint names and would revert to me if the worst happened. He is definitely used to being financially independent (and I’ve always know he’s tight with his money!) and that’s my worry with this rent stuff.

I guess he’s got used to the rent from me and the lodger covering the mortgage and bills for the house we live in (plus a bit more) and now he’s going to have to make a contribution himself as well, it seems to him like a big jump in outgoings.

@SlowDown76mph no he’s not. I hadn’t even considered him covering half my losses til he brought up this rent stuff. In fact, I never even added it up myself, but now he’s being funny about my rent, I decided to look into it. My outgoing have also reduced though - I used to do 1500 miles/month driving to work and now I barely do 200, plus I would eat out 3 times a week whilst at work, as I’d be in hotels every night and that’s not happening now. So it isn’t entirely straightforward.

[HeckyPeck]

Just saw your update. Do you pay rent on top of half the bills? If so, that’s crazy when you’re having his baby!!

[SimonJT]

@gobbynorthernbird

Wasn't there a post recently when a woman was told her partner should pay more than his fair share because she'd lost benefit income? Going by that, you should be paying rent and making up what your DP has lost by the lodger moving out.

Yes, a the majority of posters said he should pay 50% of all bills and make up any short comings in income, there have also been previous threads where people have expected the moving in partner to cover anything the lodger used to cover.

[bluebella4]

Can you charge him 50% of what you're loosing out on while pregnant? He sounds very selfish and not actually looking at the bigger picture, ie your pregnancy.

[Pittapitta]

I’d say get married and protect yourself finically. Your helping to pay a mortgage to a house you will have no claim to without being married.

[Pittapitta]

Didn’t read fiancée. Glad your planning to get married. When your married wouldn’t you just split everything 50:50?

[Pittapitta]

Also I find it a bit funny he charged to £300 at all to live there when a lodger was paying 500 and his bills come to 700 so basically he wasn’t paying anything towards house or bills when he had you and lodger.