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Would you be ok with your husband going to the cinema with a female friend?

(1000 Posts)
JizzPigeon22 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:38:22

I have a friend who I’ve known since I was 3 years old. Last year he got a job in a pub directly across the road from my house so I see him quite often as he will occasionally stop by after a shift for a coffee or to see my kids, who they refer to as their uncle, they’re all very close. Over the years we’ve been to festivals together, holidays, camping trips etc. He was the best man at my wedding. Last year my husband passed away and my friend was great in helping sort things out, and just to have someone to chat to. We both like marvel films, which his wife hates, so when the new avengers film came out last year he bought tickets for the first showing as it was at 12 noon so we had time to watch it before getting the kids from school. His wife was at work and he was doing the school run.
She went absolutely apoplectic with rage when she found it. Said that going to the cinema was something couples do, I was desperate to get a man because my husband had died and now I was lonely etc. My friend was so disgusted with her that it almost ended their marriage.
I hadn’t really thought about it till today when it came up in conversation with 2 other friends who had very different views. One was of the opinion that it was fine, the other of the opinion that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful.

Aibu to think the cinema with a friend is fine? She’s fine with him coming to my house but not the cinema? I just found it such a bizzare reaction and the nasty things she said about me following my husbands death were pretty unforgivable.

OP’s posts: |
OhioOhioOhio Wed 05-Aug-20 20:40:04

I'm sorry your dh passed away.

No. I wouldn't like my dh to go to the cinema with you in those circumstances.

lastqueenofscotland Wed 05-Aug-20 20:40:17

I wouldn’t have an issue with it. My ex used to go on camping weekends with a female friend. I despise camping it was good to not be asked to go, I never had an issue with it.
He’s not an ex because of the above either.

Overrunwithlego Wed 05-Aug-20 20:41:04

I would be absolutely fine with this. I can’t imagine being so insecure in my marriage that this would bother me. And if was, the marriage would surely be doomed anyway.

FilledSoda Wed 05-Aug-20 20:41:13

It's very disloyal of your friend to tell you what his wife said , that's a bigger problem than the cinema .

hellywelly3 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:41:53

I suppose it depends on how he treats her. Does he take her out on dates? So they do things when the kids are at school? If he doesn’t do those things with his wife but he does with her you can’t blame her for being jealous.

lastqueenofscotland Wed 05-Aug-20 20:41:54

Also my closest friend is a married man there is no inappropriate behaviour at all but we do go for meals/drinks together and see each other once a week at least. He’s like a brother to me. His wife has no issue with it whatsoever.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 05-Aug-20 20:41:59

Noon and a Marvel film? No issue.

50 Shades at midnight? I'd wonder.

ThePlantsitter Wed 05-Aug-20 20:42:17

It would depend on the friend tbh. If I thought my H had always had a thing for you I wouldn't like it.

In your shoes I would wonder why he told you the exact content of their conversation, too.

Bluemooninmyeyes1 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:43:33

No I wouldn’t be happy about it. If it was a group of males and females then fair enough but not just my DH and a single, bereaved woman, sorry.

JizzPigeon22 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:43:39

His wife phoned me and told me these things, not my friend.

OP’s posts: |
PurpleDaisies Wed 05-Aug-20 20:44:19

I fairly regularly go out with male friends to the cinema or for a meal. They’re friends of mine not dh so he doesn’t have any problem with it. I usually mention it in advance. I don’t think you did anything wrong.

I wonder why he didn’t tell he when he booked the tickets.

AMomHasNoName Wed 05-Aug-20 20:44:47

In the scenario and friendship you have described. No i wouldn't have a problem with it.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese Wed 05-Aug-20 20:44:52

I wouldn't have an issue with it, but then I go to the Cinema with DH's best friend regularly because neither dh or his gf like the same movies as us 🤷‍♀️

imissthesouth Wed 05-Aug-20 20:45:20

I'd have no problem with it, unless it's obvious you have other motives, it's just the same to me as going with a male friend. Sorry to hear about your husbandthanks

Cattiwampus Wed 05-Aug-20 20:45:36

I used to go to the cinema with a friend when I was first married, DH disliked action movies and sci-fi.
I couldn’t bear to be with a partner who wanted to own me so much that he didn’t trust me. He’s been to stuff with female friends that I didn’t want to.
We’ve been doing this now for almost 40 years. I still like Marvel.

Sirzy Wed 05-Aug-20 20:45:53

My only issue would be the not mentioning it before hand.

JizzPigeon22 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:46:33

It just never would have occurred to me to have a problem with this if it was the other way round. My husband had been to her house a few times for example to do wiring etc when my friend was at work.

OP’s posts: |
user1471457751 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:46:43

I wonder if this was the straw that broke the camel's back. If you were spending lots of time together doing fun things and they never go out together, I can see why she would be jealous.
Also, why is he telling you this? Why is he creating distance and dislike between you and his wife?

LizzieBlackwell Wed 05-Aug-20 20:47:23

No I don’t think either dh or I would like it. I worked in the sports industry and made many close make friends that I’d stop at their house, do sports events together, go pictures or to the pub but when I married dh I kind of knew still doing that was slightly out of the boundary.

In your friends case, his wife was probably very aware you were in his life and he was supporting you with your husbands death. She probably felt threatened as before you had a husband but now you don’t. It’s understandable tbh

Sorry about your dh flowers

yomommasmomma Wed 05-Aug-20 20:47:34

I think deep down any wife would feel wobbly about this. It's just quite intimate going to the cinema together. Maybe next time the 3 of you should go?

Patch23042 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:48:01

Assuming you’re 100% sure he’s not romantically interested in you, this is fine. If there is any doubt, you need to step back from him.

Why did he tell you about his wife’s reaction? Seems a little crass when you’re grieving tbh.

Dancingdeer77 Wed 05-Aug-20 20:48:21

I’m so sorry for the loss of your DH.
Honestly I think I would feel similarly that you were crossing lines.
I have male friends and my DH has female friends but I think where one is single and emotionally vulnerable going to do ‘date like’ things is a bad idea, however innocent the intention.

Cattiwampus Wed 05-Aug-20 20:48:23

user1471457751

I wonder if this was the straw that broke the camel's back. If you were spending lots of time together doing fun things and they never go out together, I can see why she would be jealous.
Also, why is he telling you this? Why is he creating distance and dislike between you and his wife?

Read the thread, it was the wife that phoned her.

imissthesouth Wed 05-Aug-20 20:48:25

@yomommasmomma
His wife doesn't like the marvel films, hence OP is going

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