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Friend taking p*** or am I being over sensitive?

(597 Posts)
democrazy Tue 04-Aug-20 20:28:11

We own some land across the road from our house, invested in a small yurt and have a semi permanent type summer glamping set up, fire pit, pizza oven etc. Friend text me to ask if she can use the site to celebrate her birthday (it's a big one) with a few close friends (about 10-15), I mistook the message as inviting DH and I as well, which she replied saying she was embarrassed but really she just wanted her closest friends and I wouldn't be invited. This is fine as I wouldn't have considered myself in that circle - I'd say we're friends but not super close, but we are good friends with a number of the people who would be going. But I thought it a bit cheeky that she basically wants to use our extended garden to have a small party but not invite us. We've used the space for other friends and family celebrations, but we've always been part of them. I've said yes becuase I'd feel mean if
didn't, but equally feeling a little put out, though not sure if it's my embarassment at assuming I was invited or my feeling put out that they want to use the space without inviting us. P.s. I know this is a very first world issue and really not of great importance, just sense checking myself!

OP’s posts: |
HoneysuckIejasmine Tue 04-Aug-20 20:29:13

Cheeky sod! I hope you're charging her!

nanbread Tue 04-Aug-20 20:30:14

Is she paying you?

If not I think it's really rude tbh

Even if you're not particularly close and you're presence might change the dynamic a bit as a result, the polite thing to do would be to say "please pop over for a drink at x time" at the least.

GrannyBags Tue 04-Aug-20 20:30:47

I’d be very hurt by that. She might find herself with a bill, cf.

Pesimistic Tue 04-Aug-20 20:30:59

I'd say if she paid for the use of it then fair enough of not no she she cf

democrazy Tue 04-Aug-20 20:31:34

No, not charging, I'd said yes when I thought they were inviting us, and felt I couldn't withdraw it after that. I trust her not to wreck it and/or repair any damage just a bit taken aback by it!

OP’s posts: |
Tinyhumansurvivalist Tue 04-Aug-20 20:32:09

Wow your "friend" is a bitch. I'd be telling her unfortunately one of your close friends has requested it for the same weekend so you are prioritising her

Bmidreams Tue 04-Aug-20 20:32:34

It's rude, but it hopefully shows her up. Surely the others will be wondering where you are. Make sure to tell them.

chinam Tue 04-Aug-20 20:32:56

Your friend has some neck to suggest this. I’d definitely be charging her.

ellendegeneres Tue 04-Aug-20 20:33:03

I’d tell the cheeky cow 'actually ive decided to throw a party with some close friends on that date now, sorry youre not invited!'

milienhaus Tue 04-Aug-20 20:33:22

If she’s not paying then she’s being very very rude.

damnthatanxiety Tue 04-Aug-20 20:34:21

Close enough to ask to use your land but not close enough to invite...hmm

EatsShootsAndRuns Tue 04-Aug-20 20:34:33

No problem. I'll get the bill drawn up and emailed over to you.

Namechange880 Tue 04-Aug-20 20:34:43

Your not being sensitive OP, that ‘friend’ is one CF!!

GlummyMcGlummerson Tue 04-Aug-20 20:35:12

OMG that is MASSIVELY cheeky.
Don't do it OP. Think of the mess, noise etc. You're not obliged to do this for someone who doesn't consider you a friend

nanbread Tue 04-Aug-20 20:35:20

What did her first message say? I bet she wanted you to think that you were invited so you'd say yes

Set up in there with some other friends on the day, just chilling and having a drink, and act like you'd totally forgotten and then "forget" to leave grin

democrazy Tue 04-Aug-20 20:35:20

Also to add we've never hired it out and probably wouldn't want to (I guess there would be insurance issues etc with that). It's always just been a nice place to share times with friends and family.

OP’s posts: |
Idontgiveagriffindamn Tue 04-Aug-20 20:35:25

This is massively taking the piss. I’d have to go back and tell her no.

Notthisnotthat Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:11

That's so cheeky!

I would reply along the lines of it's free for close friends to use but as she is a non close friend attach an invoice to cover costs/damage. Does she expect her guests to use you inside loo?

Freixene Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:14

Massive CF
Reply with ‘No problem, thanks for clarifying. I’m afraid in that case, it’s £300 to hire, as we can only lend our garden to to close friends and family. The cost will be needed for clean up and insurance costs as we can’t be there to monitor guests we don’t know, or see any damage caused’

nanbread Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:40

Or tell her you have had a paid hire enquiry for the same date since so that has to take priority of course

SweatyAndyFromWoking Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:49

Christ. Make sure you let her know the rates in advance. You can do mates rates if you're being kind but defo charge her.

Lolo1845 Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:53

So basically there will be a party in your garden that you are not invited to? I'd have to come up with some way to get out of this. Don't be a pushover!

Louise91417 Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:55

If i were you i would have to find someway to shift the embarassment on to her. Perhaps you could tell her her request to use it for a party has got you thinking that this could be a business venture and as a thank you you will charge her mates ratesgrin

itsgettingweird Tue 04-Aug-20 20:36:59

The cheeky mare shock

You don't have a party in someone's garden and expect them not to attend.

I'd reply that having thought about it you are still happy for them to use the space but will be popping over to check on it being used properly.

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