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Surely I'm not?

(68 Posts)
Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 20:08:23

Change of name for this one.

Due to holiday next year with my DH and DC, his sister, her husband and their kids, and the PIL (Covid permitting and all that jazz). We've done it before and I had an ok time for all sorts of reasons but my kids had an excellent time which is obviously all that really matters.
We are visiting the same country as last time. It's not the incredible journey or anything but there are two border crossings (the importance of which will emerge).
FIL is a barrister (shortly to retire) and MIL is a senior SW. Also relevant.
In conversation about the holiday last night, as I was casually raising a few concerns I had based on last time, OH lets slip that his sis and her - boorish but admittedly not horrendous - husband had Class A drugs in the car with them!!! With some draw just to round it out, I guess. No idea how much, buts that's pretty much incidental. I presumed he was making a poor-taste joke. Nope. Nope. AND WE HAD LET OUR DAUGHTER TRAVEL IN THAT CAR AT LEAST HALF OF THE WAY. (He says he didn't know at that point).

I was absolutely speechless.

I genuinely do not think he understood the consequences for them, for us, for the PIL ffs, if they'd been caught. I'm beside myself thinking about it.

I've told him the children and I are not going unless they undertake not to try the same fucking stunt. He doesn't know how to do this 'without making it look like an ultimatum'. Oh - and he doesn't really want to let on that he told me! He and his sister are close and I think they view me as a bit of a weirdo as I had a fairly awful upbringing and I'm therefore I guess not as invested in the extended family dynamic as they are. Although apparently that dynamic's motto is 'The Family That Snorts Together . . . '


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Butterflyqueen990 Mon 03-Aug-20 20:32:10

You are not being unreasonable at all! I don't know you and I'm proud of your response to this. So many people are slack and you're absolutely right the repercussions if caught are hideous and as your daughter's mother you have every right to be furious. I'm in a similar line of work to what you've said your pil's are related to and I wish everyone was as sensible as you, if they think you're a weirdo so be it. They should be mortified.

gavisconismyfriend Mon 03-Aug-20 20:57:18

Do your PIL know about the drugs? Maybe your husband might feel more inclined to stand up to his sister if the alternative was that you would tell his parents?!

Cadent Mon 03-Aug-20 21:03:04

YANBU. As the holiday is already paid for, I would attend this one on the understanding that you will not travel with them I.e. don’t spend any time with them on rest breaks, etc,that dd or you or DH will never get in their car with them, and finally , hopefully you’re in separate hotel rooms and not in a shared holiday home. I don’t think you could be held accountable for their choices based on the above?

coronarona Mon 03-Aug-20 21:11:21

They definitely weren't prescribed meds?

Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 21:12:28

No, they absolutely do not know. This is the difficulty. PIL is the world's nicest man - until riled, at which point he goes beserk. Seen it maybe twice in 11 years. I very much fear there'd be no coming back from him learning they'd carried cocaine through two borders. And not a small amount, either, apparently, the absolute dickheads. Intent to supply kind of weight, it seems.
I agree, Butterfly. I'm not a fan of illegal drugs, but if they were doing them in their own home, I suppose I'd be more philosophical. But when they're travelling with two other families, one of which is comprised of a pretty high-profile lawyer, and a senior social worker? I think they're crackers. OH said they were laughing gleefully when we got to the house. Fucking children. And not to tell me - I guess in a 'Hepcat's so uptight' way, rather than 'Hepcat has a such a hard-on for not moving hard drugs over national borders'. Thank God I'm pregnant so I can't have a wine and text them what I think of think Of their infantile Behaviour.

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44PumpLane Mon 03-Aug-20 21:14:39

Fuck me YANBU

Who in their right mind finds this at all acceptable, what a risk to put you all through!!

Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 21:14:49

It is a bloody shared holiday home! sad

But I've said no matter what happens, we're not getting in a car with them for any reason. None of us. Not even to get a drugging pain au chocolat. Idiots. IDIOTS. I'm so angry.

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Cadent Mon 03-Aug-20 21:15:18

Thank God I'm pregnant so I can't have a wine and text them what I think of think Of their infantile Behaviour.

But you’re still going to go on holiday with them...

JuniperFather Mon 03-Aug-20 21:15:27

Is this the first time you've ever found out about drug usage with your DH's sis and her husband? Ever?

I'm curious as this is a key question.

Cadent Mon 03-Aug-20 21:16:29

Then DH needs to tell them not to bring drugs or he will tell parents!

Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 21:17:23

Cadent - I know what you're saying. I'm not sure I am. I'm in a real state. I know what I should do.

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pussycatinboots Mon 03-Aug-20 21:17:40

Fuck it.
Tell the ILs.
They need to know - let FIL go ape shit, that might be the only thing that stops his daughter and her DH dickhead from going to prison.

Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 21:20:27

Juniper - yes. Although, good question, because when I pressed him, OH said he finished a late shift one night when he was living at home, and came home to find them with two other couples, doing coke in PIL's house while they were away in PIL's home country for a long holiday. So they obviously have quite the little middle class habit. No wonder they're always skint.

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Reallybadidea Mon 03-Aug-20 21:22:50

I really hope you've changed some of these details to make your family less identifiable shock

JuniperFather Mon 03-Aug-20 21:23:27


Then you have a DH problem as much as anything.

Your sis in law is a known quantity to him. That means if you all go and do something together, that person travels with all their characteristics intact. That's not saying you should be a clairvoyant, but your DH is assuming that person, who is known by him to be a certain way, suddenly is exercising judgement because..?!

That's why I think he is the person to focus on here. Not because the 'sins' of the sister are his, but because he let known drug users get in the mix without telling you.

LouiseTrees Mon 03-Aug-20 21:23:34

Tell the in laws. What if one of them gets in the car with them, then you’ll need to run over, stop them getting in (child in tow) and tell them the truth right then on holiday and ruin the holiday?

Goingtogetflamed Mon 03-Aug-20 21:24:36

What happened to the drugs on the holiday?

Ellisandra Mon 03-Aug-20 21:24:41

I wouldn’t go on holiday with them at all, because whatever you say, I would not trust drug users to keep their word (if they even gave it) not to bring it again.

lockdownalli Mon 03-Aug-20 21:25:00

To be honest they will just lie about it if you ask them not to bring it.

I would tell PILS and sit back and let the chips fall where they may.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Mon 03-Aug-20 21:25:57

I would be absolutely fucking raging OP. And a lot of people I know do drugs and it doesnt bother me much. And even the hardcore ones just buy them locally when they're on a trip.

I cant believe your husband is more worried about how an ultimatum will upset his sister, than the very real possibility of being slung in a foreign prison and at the very least, a ruined holiday.

I would just say absolutely no sharing of cars or accommodation. As the type of person who isn't bothered about smuggling over state lines isnt going to be bothered about your outrage

LouiseTrees Mon 03-Aug-20 21:26:38


I really hope you've changed some of these details to make your family less identifiable shock

I don’t think it’s identifiable at all. She hasn’t said what country and it’s not like there is Wikipedia for all barristers with social worker wife’s or something.

LouiseTrees Mon 03-Aug-20 21:26:57

*wives not wife’s

Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 21:28:03

What happened to the drugs on the holiday? I dunno. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they - did them? In their room; by the pool when everyone had fucked off to bed? I don't know. I imagine drug users to sort of use the drugs.

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Hepcat75 Mon 03-Aug-20 21:30:09

Louise - there's a compelling and outing reason why they wouldn't get in another car, at least at the 'travelling to the destination stage'. I would guess they wouldn't keep them in the car once we got there? But who fucking knows?

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