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To expect to be told that my family are actually leaving

(388 Posts)
printmeanicephoto Mon 03-Aug-20 00:23:32

Today we went out for DH's mum's 80th birthday (a meal for 6 at a pub) about an hour's drive away. About twenty minutes before DH, myself and our two teens were due to leave our house to drive over, DH and I had a chat and agreed a precise time to leave to give us ample time to get there. I ended up being busy putting on my slap upstairs in the bathroom up until the time we"d agreed to leave and admit I slightly lost track of time by a few minutes (my fault I know). When I realised iI was slightly late I went downstairs to try and find everyone - looking in the lounge and kitchen etc. Then I glanced outside and noticed that the kids and my DH were all sitting in the car waiting for me. I also noticed DH had put the house key in the lock for me to lock up.

DH then gets cross with me when I get in the car and says we agreed twenty minutes ago exactly when we were going to leave. AIBU to expect DH to actually tell me that him and the kids are about to leave the house? Isn't that what people do - ie make sure everyone who is meant to be going in the car with them knows they are now leaving? That's what I would do - shout up the stairs or something! He says no, we agreed a time and that's that.

This has happened before and I pleaded with him last time to make sure he tells me when he is actually leaving the house so I don't keep the family waiting in the car. He says no because I'm an adult not a toddler!

I know I was at fault, but I can't help feeling he's being rather difficult and that shouting up the stairs or something wouldn't kill him.

OP’s posts: |
AriettyHomily Mon 03-Aug-20 00:26:05

You knew the time to leave and you were late. Lateness irritates me. Why couldn't you just be ready in time?

DocusDiplo Mon 03-Aug-20 00:26:46

He's being petty.

POP7777777 Mon 03-Aug-20 00:28:08

It would have been courteous for him to call up.

MNX42 Mon 03-Aug-20 00:31:34

YANBU he's pathetic.

HeddaGarbled Mon 03-Aug-20 00:32:53

I think you’ve made up a daft reason to be annoyed with your family to absolve yourself in your own head for your persistent lateness.

WelcomeToGreenvale Mon 03-Aug-20 00:33:13

He expected you to be ready at the same time as was agreed? It's not like they drove off without you, they were waiting for you politely. Maybe try being on time next time!

HunkyPunk Mon 03-Aug-20 00:33:15

I'm afraid I'm the recipient of 'running late' behaviour in our family, and it's really irritating. I leave all others in no doubt that I'm getting in the car NOW, if only to try and ensure that I'm not left sitting out on the forecourt for half an hour like a lemon, while they all faff about doing things which should have been done half an hour before the agreed leaving time.

So YANBU to expect a call up, but YABU to be late in the first place!

BrutusMcDogface Mon 03-Aug-20 00:33:42

“He’s pathetic”?! Bit harsh!

He’s probably had enough of you being late all the time (or is that just me and my partner?!) grin

printmeanicephoto Mon 03-Aug-20 00:34:30

Yes just out of courtesy!

OP’s posts: |
2155User Mon 03-Aug-20 00:36:31

I have started doing this with DH because no matter what he is always late.

I now say “we are leaving at x time” and make sure I’m ready and in the car for then.

It’s your fault, don’t try and shift the blame.

ThatsNotMyMeerkat Mon 03-Aug-20 00:38:25

Nope, you are being VERY unreasonable.
You made an agreement about what time you were leaving and disregarded it. You expect him to call up but it’s ok for you to ignore your original agreement and not call down to them to let them know you were running late?
They didn’t drive off and leave you (I did tell my partner last week next time he does this to me I will be, though. It’s not fair I have to be embarrassed being late because of him).

Thisismytimetoshine Mon 03-Aug-20 00:39:34

You "agreed a precise time" .
They were in the car at the agreed time. You weren't. How is that someone else's fault? Get a grip.

ineedaholidaynow Mon 03-Aug-20 00:40:22

How late were you?

Popjam Mon 03-Aug-20 00:40:42

It drives me mad having to remind dh what time it is so we won't be late. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd time, but do expect him to check the time himself.

Myneighboursnorlax Mon 03-Aug-20 00:41:30

How would him shouting up the stairs have made a difference? You were either ready on time or you weren’t. Surely him shouting “we’re getting in the car now” wouldn’t have made you ready any faster? And if it would, then why weren’t you able to be ready in the first place? You knew the time agreed.

NeedsAdvicePlease11 Mon 03-Aug-20 00:43:20

Its also a bit of courtesy to be on time.

I am always the one ushering people on in our family.
The children, the husband, my parents. They are always bloody late.
Nowadays if we need to be somewhere for 4 for example i will tell them 2.30. 😂

OntheWaves40 Mon 03-Aug-20 00:44:16

I can understand your DH irritation. So he managed to get himself and kids ready and in car on time while you faffed about just getting yourself sorted and you seem to think he’s the one being rude?

RightOnTheEdge Mon 03-Aug-20 00:44:26

It seems pretty pathetic of him not to shout you. I can't imagine not doing that.

How late were you though? Are you late often? Maybe he's just really fed up with it of you are.

mellowgreenspring Mon 03-Aug-20 00:45:40

I do this to my DH all the time, we say when we are leaving me and the DS get in the car get the gate open and wait for him.

Like your DH I know what time we said, we are all ready he then speeds up!

It just seems practical to me to get out of the house, out of the way.. I'd love to know how big your house is that you can't actually hear him and the DC leaving the house? Or even notice the lack of other people around?

giantangryrooster Mon 03-Aug-20 00:46:27

Ha, if this is repeated behavior (yours) you should be glad your dh isn't me. I would have left.

My dh does this repeatedly, it's a pain. You know what you agree to, you are an adult, who should be capable of keeping track of time. YABU

Sorry, dh drives me mad with this.

TW2013 Mon 03-Aug-20 00:50:48

If you were late just because you were putting on makeup then yes you are an adult and should keep track of time, may be set an alarm. If you were late putting on makeup because you were doing 101 other things first then dh needs to pull his weight too, as do the teens. This used to happen in our house, now about an hour before I will rattle through a list of things that need to be done before we leave so that everyone can help out and make sure that we can leave on time-

'We need to load and run the dishwasher with breakfast things and the stuff soaking from last night, put the washing on the line, feed the guinea pigs, check all the windows are shut, make sure we have drinks and a snack for the journey, wrap up the present, make sure we have all signed the card and I haven't yet got any make up on. I will go and get my make up on and check the windows are shut, Sam you look as if you are ready maybe you and Dad can put the washing out and feed the piggies while Jamie wraps the present. We can then all load the dishwasher and make sure we each have a drink and snack for the journey.'

I know you shouldn't have to organise everyone like this but I have found that it is the best way especially when it is in their interests to leave on time. Helps to motivate them to pull together to finish all the jobs on time. So often I would be dashing around while they are all in the car.

Notredamn Mon 03-Aug-20 00:51:36

I would shout up 'ok we're leaving now/in a minute!' not out of curtesy for you, but so you know I'm not hanging around waiting, out of habit.
Seriously though you shouldn't need prompting if you know how to tell the time.

CrocodilesCry Mon 03-Aug-20 00:51:52

Sorry OP but it does sound like you're one of those people who are always late.

Thisismytimetoshine Mon 03-Aug-20 00:54:26

We need to load and run the dishwasher with breakfast things and the stuff soaking from last night, put the washing on the line, feed the guinea pigs, check all the windows are shut, make sure we have drinks and a snack for the journey, wrap up the present, make sure we have all signed the card and I haven't yet got any make up on. I will go and get my make up on and check the windows are shut, Sam you look as if you are ready maybe you and Dad can put the washing out and feed the piggies while Jamie wraps the present. We can then all load the dishwasher and make sure we each have a drink and snack for the journey.'
Why would all that nonsense have to be sorted in the 20 minutes before you leave the house?

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