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AIBU re our wills and children?

(132 Posts)
WhatTheWill Tue 14-Jul-20 08:31:50

I don't personally think I am but would be interested to hear as DH thinks I am.

DH has 2 children from previous relationship, we have 1 child together. I will only ever have this one child due to long issues with fertility.

We are currently sorting out wills. In my mind DHs assets should be split between his 3 children, my 2DSC and our 1DC as they are all equally his children. My assets should go to my 1DC.

DH thinks we should just split everything between the 3 children.

My reasoning for this is that our DC will only ever inherit from us. If we do things DHs way, my DSC will inherit from DH, their mother and then also me.

I do consider my DSC as part of our family however I don't really parent them other than in the sense that all children in the house are treated equally in general terms. I do care about them but their parents are very much involved in their lives and I don't ever feel the need to be a 'parent' to them. We have a very friendly and good relationship but I don't see them as 'my' children as they have a very involved mother and father if that makes sense. They were also a bit older when I met DH so I never met them as babies or small children.

AIBU in wanting all children to inherit from just their own mum and dad? I think it's the simplest and fairest way.

OP’s posts: |
Zilla1 Tue 14-Jul-20 08:36:40

I don't think there is an objective right answer though the approach you propose will 'other' your DSC.

You might want to consider your jurisdiction as some have forced heirship. Also, what would happen if you die first, do your assets go to your child with a life interest in any share in any family home to your DP?

You might want to chat with an experienced solicitor or kick the tyres on the circumstances.

Sunnydayshereatlast Tue 14-Jul-20 08:38:43

Ah the old 'you aren't a parent but part with your cash'...
Stick to your guns op...

Randomness12 Tue 14-Jul-20 08:39:34

I agree with you OP, that is the fairest way. Wills will always cause this sort of questioning but it’s worth working through it.

Also, what happens if you should die first? Your assets go to DH and then become his to distribute 3 ways - worth considering.

Howyiz Tue 14-Jul-20 08:41:35

So your husband would prefer your child together to be disadvantaged? Stick to your guns OP.

user1456324865563 Tue 14-Jul-20 08:42:26

Have you taken legal advice?

What's the plan depending on who dies first? What happens to the family home for the survivor? Or do you mean assets excl home?

Porcupineinwaiting Tue 14-Jul-20 08:42:27

What happens if your dh dies first? Do all 3 children inherit then, or does it all go to you and then to your 1 child?

What happens if you die next week? Is your share going straight to your child? And what is that share? If half the house, is your dh then supposed to pay the whole mortgage? Are half the family savings then to go to your joint dc?

CurlyMc Tue 14-Jul-20 08:44:28

I don't think there's anything wrong with 'othering' DSC when it comes to inheritance personally. At the end of the day they aren't OPs children, there's nothing horrible about stating a fact like that. Day to day I understand that it's important to treat children equally and don't make them feel 'other' but when it comes to legal stuff like this then I don't see a problem. OPs DH could leave her tomorrow and never allow her to see her DSC again.

I personally wouldn't want to provide less for my child just to avoid the potential of 'othering' my step children. Let's say the likelihood is that any situation where this will kick in, the children will (hopefully) be adults. Now, I'm an adult with a step father. I would never expect to inherit from him when he has his own children to think about. I feel loved by him, he's a good man. But when it comes to his inheritance, why should that not be reserved for his children? I have my mum and dad to inherit from (not that anyone can rely on inheritance of course but for arguments sake) and his children have him and their mother.

Don't see a problem with this at all and I wouldn't expect any adult DSC to either. Really they shouldn't be told about anything in your wills as children anyway.

stairgates Tue 14-Jul-20 08:46:04

Has the mother of your step children agreed to leave her money to her 2 children plus yours? They are siblings after all. I doubt it. Do what feels right but definitely get it written up properly.

Shoppingwithmother Tue 14-Jul-20 08:46:54

What assets belong to whom though? What is yours and what is your husband’s? How can you divide the money?

Normally when a married person dies all their assets are left to their spouse. If your DH dies, would you expect to get none of his assets (inc presumably, half your house? If you do get the whole house, and that’s now yours then does your single DC get everything? How would you know 20 years down the line when the second parent died what of the existing assets had belonged to whom?

TimeWastingButFun Tue 14-Jul-20 08:48:21

I have two SC and we have two, so 4. My husband and I pooled everything when we got married, including the house that I sold, and our wills split everything 4 ways. We thought that was a simple and fair way of doing it.

WhatTheWill Tue 14-Jul-20 08:49:07

Hi, thanks for the responses. We will definitely be taking legal advice as to the best way to work this as people have said we don't want to end up in a situation where I inherit everything from DH then it all goes to our 1 DC or vice versa. This is just our initial thinking, we have an appointment with a solicitor arranged to go over the logistics.

Main assets will be properties really.

OP’s posts: |
Maryann1975 Tue 14-Jul-20 08:52:27

Is his ex planning to split her inheritance with your child? No? then you shouldn’t be splitting your inheritance with her children.

Whatnametomorrow10 Tue 14-Jul-20 08:53:16

My husband is one of 4 - 2 step-sisters & a half brother - his Mum & step-Dad are splitting it 5 ways - step sister and him get a share but the half brother (their son) gets two shares.

Louise0701 Tue 14-Jul-20 08:54:37

Stick to your guns OP, you’re in the right here. Like you say; his children will benefit 3 ways from his suggested arrangement. You aren’t their mother.

Topseyt Tue 14-Jul-20 08:55:17

I can understand your thinking and I would probably just about plump for your method of splitting.

You need to take legal advice and set it all up properly with a solicitor so that whoever does first has their share put into trust for their child/children and then the surviving spouse continues to live in the home without being forced to sell it. The beneficiaries then benefit after the last spouse has died and nobody is rendered homeless or forced to sell up until or unless they are ready to do so.

Topseyt Tue 14-Jul-20 08:56:42

Whoever dies first. Not does. Autocorrect!!

WhatTheWill Tue 14-Jul-20 08:56:52

You need to take legal advice and set it all up properly with a solicitor so that whoever does first has their share put into trust for their child/children and then the surviving spouse continues to live in the home without being forced to sell it. The beneficiaries then benefit after the last spouse has died and nobody is rendered homeless or forced to sell up until or unless they are ready to do so

This is the type of thing we want to do, we definitely don't want anyone forced out of their home.

OP’s posts: |
Topseyt Tue 14-Jul-20 08:58:53

Make Maryann1975's point to him. That might well clinch it for you.

BlingLoving Tue 14-Jul-20 08:59:52

As with others, you need to work out what happens if one of you dies first. But broadly, I'm in the same camp that says you don' need to split the inheritance with your step children, particularly as they haven't been part of your life from the start. Having said that, if, for example, you and DH live in a lovely house that you jointly own, I can understand why he feels his older children should get more than 1/3 or 1/2. But I'm honestly not sure how to navigate that.

Destroyedpeople Tue 14-Jul-20 09:01:20

No you aRe in the right because his children will also inherit from their mother. Why should they inherit twice?
I speak as an adult stepchild who doesn't expect a penny from my dad. I already inherited from my mum and he has other children.

WhatTheWill Tue 14-Jul-20 09:02:17

So I guess in massively simple terms (as I say we will work out logistics with the solicitor) in my proposal say our property was left to DC. 2DSC would get 25% each and our 1DC would get 50%. DHs proposal would mean all children receiving 1/3 each.

To my mind then I just think well our 1DC could be left with 1/3 and my 2DSC could then go on to inherit from their mother too?

OP’s posts: |
WhatTheWill Tue 14-Jul-20 09:03:28

Although tbh even in my proposal just there, DHs half isn't being split with our 1DC so it would be more than 50% to our DC.

OP’s posts: |
WhatTheWill Tue 14-Jul-20 09:04:30

Basically, DHs 50% split 3 ways and my 50% to our 1 DC.

OP’s posts: |
SquirtleSquad Tue 14-Jul-20 09:06:33

So with the house 50% is yours so DC gets that 50% and then 1/3 of DHs 50% so a total of 66.67% of your home leaving DSC with 16.67% each?

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