A small bit of back story, my dad is 62 and was diagnosed with the early onset of Alzheimer's around 6 months ago, which has been fucking heartbreaking for our family. I haven't really unpacked it all because if I do I don't think I'll stop crying. I know what this disease will do to him after working in a dementia/mental health care setting for almost 7 years. My dad has been pretty stable but for the past few weeks he's been super paranoid, and getting worse.
My poor mum's rang me in tears tonight - he's adamant their neighbours have been calling him a pedophile and he's overheard them say that man needs sorting. He's said that they're taking his picture and sending it to people. He's obviously not a pedophile or a bad man, but he's adamant that's what he's heard. And now he's had an argument with my mum because she doesn't believe him and is trying to gently tell him he's being irrational.
I'm fucking heartbroken my dad is going through it. But even more heart broken it's my mum whose dealing with it predominantly. I have a young DS who is 9 months so my time is pretty much all consumed by him. I try to get over as much as possible though. She's never been around dementia and she's finding it really hard. She doesn't know what to say hence telling him he's wrong about the things he's saying.
Not really sure what I'm asking - just need to vent. Feeling so heartbroken about it all. He's 62 for fuck sakes.
AIBU?
My dad thinks neighbours are calling him a pedophile, can't take much more.
theclockwinder · 13/07/2020 22:53
When my df was diagnosed with vascular dementia they also said he had schizophrenia. He was very paranoid about the neighbours too. Maybe mention this to his gp. My df was given daily medication for it (anti psychosis?). It calmed him down a lot. He got back to his gentle self.
I just remember him accusing the nurses of stealing his chocolates and all sorts.
for you op
Only thing I can suggest that could possibly help short term is distracting him when he is going through it. Take to the biscuit tin and get him to choose a biscuit, something like that. I know it's a very difficult situation to be in when you are dealing with someone in that state of mind.
My Dad has hallucinations when he's dehydrated or has a urine infection so might be worth asking the gp to check for those.
If he's on medication, could it be a side effect.
Seeing a loved one suffer with dementia is torture. I hope your Mum/Dad get the support they need.
My grandad has been placed in a home as he can not look after himself. For weeks, he pleaded with my dad to get him out. He believed it was a jail and he was in there because he was accused of beating his wife. He was terrified and adamant he hadn't. He said they were after him and told us tales of how they had behaved. It passed but for those weeks, it was heartbreaking.
Do you have enough help? Please speak to the available agencies. It is too much for family alone to manage.
Mumsnet is here for you in this horrible time. Vent away. 
Your poor mum needs some strategies to deal with your dad’s paranoia. My mum had vascular dementia and was similarly paranoid about the neighbours whispering about her. I learnt not to argue with her about it, just acknowledge it and try to distract her.
62, though? That’s so young, it must be heartbreaking.
[quote IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]@ViciousJackdaw
I am qualified mental health professional - your advice is unsafe .
I am sure OP knows that it is not in her fathers best interest to advise mum to effectively collude .
The right thing to do is to validate the emotion behind the belief and gently reassure dad that what he is experiencing from the neighbors , you haven't seen for yourself.
Its always about validating the feeling, ie that it must be so distressing/ worrying etc etc and that family will keep him safe . [/quote]
This ^
I'm so sorry your family is going through this OP, it sounds very distressing 
I would also second the others suggesting he be checked for any UTI's as they can and do make things like this ramp up tenfold.
Sending strength
My grandmother (who brought me up) had early onset dementia in her early 60s, so I appreciate how hard this must be for you all as I loved with/cared for her. I've also worked in dementia care for last 10 years.
Get as much support as possible for your dad and the rest of the family - GP, Alzheimer's society, CPN, family and friends. Look into a carer support group for your mum, in my area they have dementia cafes where the patient can meet up with others with similar conditions to chat, play board games, cards, watch tv etc and the carers can be in another room or visit on a separate day and chat and support each other.
If you think your dad might confront the neighbours it might be a good idea to pre warn them of the potential issue (though I appreciate you have to consider your dad's right to not have the neighbours knowing all about his Alzheimer's.)
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