Lectured by stranger over plans for large family holiday

[Bluepolkadots42]

My MIL has just been given a terminal cancer diagnosis. Any treatment she has from now on is basically palliative- she has been shielding strictly up to this point but now she has had the terminal diagnosis she has been very keen for us to visit (in garden) and to see us and all her grandchildren.
I visited her yesterday and she said she would love for all of us to be able to go away together for a holiday for a week in the UK before she isn't here to go on one. She told me the area she had always wanted to visit and so I've been busy trying to find somewhere that can accommodate all of us in October half-term. In total we are 4 separate households of 8 adults and 4 children. I asked on an online forum for some recommendations of group accommodation and explained briefly the reason for trip- I said we were after preferably 2 cottages that are adjoined or large house with separate annexe. Lots of people were glad to give recommendations.
One person however commented with a load of stuff about guidelines and how they (presumably they own a holiday letting) weren't allowed to take a booking from more than one household etc and we needed to be careful as my MIL is shielding etc. I replied politely saying that must be hard for their business, but there does seem to be places able to accommodate multiple households still and ultimately now my MIL is thinking about quality of her life, doing thing she's going to enjoy and making memories for grandchildren etc. as she knows she doesn't have quantity of life left. This person then private messaged me further with more spiel about guidelines and shielding people etc.

AIBU to feel pissed off and like they should just mind their own fucking business quite frankly?
We are not unaware of Covid situation and neither is my MIL as she isn't an imbecile! All the kids will be back at school by then because apparently it's safe enough and at least 3 of us will be back at our place of work by then too, so why shouldn't we all stay together??

[sunrainwind]

I'm so sorry, that's so hard.

However, I agree you shouldn't be mixing 4 households staying together unless the guidance has changed by then. I'd be really annoyed if any of my children's bubble did that.

In the circumstances I'd go for a fortnight and isolate from everyone else (take all your food etc with you/get a delivery) so you don't increase the risk for other people but still have that time together.

Of course, hopefully by then things will be difference.

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

Unbelievable that a stranger should foist their opinions on you in this way! And then again in a private message!

[sonjadog]

I would be tempted to write back and tell them to mind their own fucking business, in exactly those words.

[Goinghometocallie]

Omg do t ask on here. It’s a hive of neurotic woman too. Book the holiday. Enjoy and soak up those memories. Hope it’s great.

[Russellbrandshair]

Wow I couldn’t give a single fck about what some stranger thinks of my holiday plans. You are giving this way too much time and emotion.
If the comments bother you then simply plan it without making it public.

[Coconutmeg]

It is so frustrating though to see people who really can’t get into the mindset that it’s not all about them.
It’s not about your MIL
It’s the risk they poses to others, the medical people putting their life on the line.

[KeepingPlain]

And yet we're told to go back to normal. Holidays are normal aren't they?

People are doing what they want. People near me having been having parties for weeks. Cases are going up. Look at Bournemouth beach. Hardly anyone cares anymore I'm afraid.

Best you can do now is look after yourself and avoid people. The majority don't give a crap now, and why would they? We aren't be led very well are they?

If they can find places that will accommodate them, why shouldn't they go?

[smartiecake]

That's such a difficult situation for your family. Ignore the comments from a stranger and book. I don't know the timescales you are working towards, but my mother in law was also told she had terminal cancer last july and she passed away in February this year, quicker than the time she had been told she would. By october she was very poorly and would not have been able to go anywhere. Book as soon as you can and go while she is well enough to go and enjoy it and make memories and take loads of photos.

[Russellbrandshair]

Book as soon as you can and go while she is well enough to go and enjoy it and make memories and take loads of photos
Agree and have a lovely time!

[powershowerforanhour]

I'd probably message back "By October she won't be shielding, she'll be dying" and block.

[AuntyPasta]

Some people only see things as black and white. Have a lovely holiday.

[TeeniefaeTroon]

I've been following guidelines throughout however in the OP's situation I'd be doing exactly the same.
The rules will have changed by then. I'm in Scotland and I was allowed in my parents house yesterday and one of our friends was allowed in too at the same time, we could have stayed overnight too if we'd wanted.

[squeekums]

Enjoy your holiday OP
Hope your MIL enjoys herself too
Ignore the naysayers

[KeepingPlain]

Honestly venue20, you can only focus on yourself now. People care more about getting their coffee, their McDonald's, their haircut, going to the beach etc., than they care about covid. People are going on holiday even now, let alone in October.

I'm staying away from everyone still, but you can't stop the rest. They don't care. But I don't see the harm in going away to self catering cottages. It's a last outing for a dying woman, and I imagine they'll be staying in mainly as she won't be up for travelling much. Not much harm in that.

[Mir230]

It's a ridiculous world where you can go to the pub or go to the hairdressers (or drive to Durham with COVID )but you can't fulfill a dying woman's wish to spend time with her family.

I hope you have a wonderful time OP.

[KitchenConfidential]

Who knows what the rules will be by October though? I’ve been a big follower of “the rules” during the pandemic but given the circumstances, I’m not going to pass judgement on a dying woman’s wish which isn’t taking place for a few months anyway.

[StopGo]

@Venue20 show a bit of empathy. You are right about shielding but the lady is dying and lockdown is lifting surely but slowly, who knows where we be in October.

My DH died from cancer during lockdown and it was brutal. This lady has a chance to say goodbye don't deny her that.

[Witchend]

I would be concerned that by October she either won't be up to going anywhere or we'll be in lockdown again.
Could you see if there's anywhere in August that has 2-3 cottages next to each other-we've stayed in a nice 1 of 3 set where they're a set of terraces. Your mil could have the middle one and have the house to herself to keep her safer and you could all meet in the gardens at the back.

[DuDuDuLangaLangaBingBong]

The shielding information expressly says that those with a terminal diagnosis should weigh the risks and decide for themselves if they want to follow the advice or not (based on quality v quantity of life) so this ‘helpful’ person is talking out of their arse on that bit!

If you can find accommodation that works with the rules, of course you should go (although, be aware, by October we might have a different set of restrictions as flu season get going).