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To be judging new friend over this?(166 Posts)
So I have a new school mum friend. We’ve really hit it off over the past 6 months, nights out, coffees, day trips etc.
Let me start by saying I cannot stand people that lie. Being truthful is very very high on my agenda.
This is such a petty thing, but I cannot stop thinking about a lie she told me and its making me feel really on edge.
It’s such a teeny tiny lie. Basically when the weather was boiling I said that I was letting the kids camp out on the trampoline overnight with me supervising. Friend said “oh we did that last week. The kids loved it”
Earlier this week I was talking to friends husband and he was saying he was desperate to book a camping trip because the kids hadn’t slept under the stars this year. I replied “well at least they had the sleepover on the trampoline”
Husband then replied “yeah we didn’t bother with that in the end. It was too cold”
I suppose I’m on edge because one, she lied and two, perhaps she doesn’t feel comfortable enough around me and wants to lie to impress.
Would you just let it go or call her out on it?
I suppose I worry because if she lies about the small stuff then she could lie about other stuff.
Fully prepared to accept I’m being over sensitive! It’s just playing on my mind.
Did she lie? Maybe they tried it and abandoned halfway as too cold
Not a true lie
Not sure. Husband just said they didn’t bother with it as it was too cold.
But she said they did it and the kids loved it.
In fact she even commented that they woke up at 5am when the sun came up.
I'd let it go 🤷🏼♀️ it's honestly not worth the drama of calling her out on it. If you don't feel you can trust her then just let the friendship fade
It's probably a half lie. They possibly started it and got cold so came back in then went out when the sun came up? I would let it go. It's not a lie that affects you in any way at all. Just see how it goes with her.
She’s an Elevenarife! Everything you do, she’s done better. If you’ve been to Tenarife she’s been to Elevenarife. It wouldn’t end the friendship for me but I’d make a note to take her with a pinch of salt.
Yeah maybe. I’ll see how it goes.
It’s probably a misunderstanding like PP have said. I’m a bit that you automatically assume she’s lying and get on your high horse about it.
I used to have a friend like this. Teeney lies like that where I'd be thinking "hang on you said you did nothing on the weekend earlier but now you were away" kind of thing. It really did escalate though and got out of control. However, it may have been a silly lie she instantly regretted. You probably need to keep a note and nip it if it gets worse.
In my experience the small lies will eventually turn in to big lies. I've met so many people like this over the years. In fact I'm leaving a dp who was like this. Started off with a few small lies that made no sense, here or there and down the line it ended up being nothing but lies left right and centre.
There is something wrong with people who feel the need to lie about things and they rarely turn out to be trustworthy.
If it's a new friendship she is probably still trying to put on a good front and didnt feel comfortable saying she couldn't be arsed taking all the blankets out because it was cold or something. I would also be a bit miffed at the lie but I wouldn't fade her out for this one little thing and I definitely wouldnt call her out on it, it may be a lie but it was a tiny inconsequential one so you will come across as insane if you do
God this wouldn’t even register enough with me to bother me....!
How do you know it's not the husband lying to put you down in a 'your kids won't enjoy it they'll moan it's cold' sort of way?
Or did HE not bother and went in to his warm bed?
And finally: does it really matter if they did or didn't? I'd not bother mentioning it again.
I can't stand lying either. But I think if this was a lie and they hadn't done it at all, her husband's response would have been more along the lines of 'what? No we didn't' or 'what are you talking about?' It sounds like they at least started out if it then got too cold.. so it wouldn't bother me at all that she didn't tell me they what time they abandoned it etc. And the kids probably did love it, even if they froze and ended up back in bed.
I would see this as a bit of a red flag!
She obviously wants to outdo you here ' oh, we did that first' kind of thing and it will only get worse every time you do anything : it will be bigger or better than you and turn into a competition ( in her head anyway!)
It could be a one off in this case, but I guarantee things like this will continue to happen : it doesn't hurt anyone , but it can be really annoying.
People 'lie' all the time and often don't even realise it.
People who hate lying usually don't realise they do it themselves or don't think what they do is lying.
OP, "in the end" could be the key.
They might have been all set up and at 12 o'clock decided "Nah"🤣.
We were talking years ago about bringing our children away camping for a fun family experience.🙄
I thought it might be a good idea to do a dummy run in the garden.
The children were very excited about this and were all set up in the tent in the garden.
Husband and I were watching a late movie, staying up to see how it was going..
About 12.30am they silently filed in, a pillow under their arm and went straight up to their beds.
They never said a word...they were done!.
We never did go camping🤣
Well... it is possible that what the husband meant was "we had to come in at 11 because the kids got too cold, we did go out early because they wanted to see the sun come up but I would like them to have a proper camping holiday soon."
She's trying to impress you. She's insecure.
The little lies will keep coming and she'll always be trying to 'out-do' you.
If you're planning on going somewhere- she'll have already been- kind of thing.
This is how it starts.
I think you should reassess your blanket condemnation of all lies however small.
Many lies can be good. For example:
Friend with low confidence: 'does my bum look big in this'
You: 'No you look lovely and have nice hair'
=kind white lie.
It could well be that your friend had the idea of camping out. It wasn't as fun, they went in, but she didn't want to piss on your chips and spoil your nice plans or EXCITEMENT by being negative.
KINDNESS IS SOMETIMES MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRUTH.
you seem very quick to rush to judgment. It was probably a half lie. Or maybe her husband mixed things up.
Don't over-analyse so much, it makes friendships strained. And also everyone, even you, tell tiny untruths all the time. It's a fact.
I'm the same as you about lies, @bankofpennies. But I had a lovely friend who lied all the time. We all knew, and would just take anything she said with a pinch of salt. In her case, I thought that it was a continuation of attention seeking behaviour from when she was a child. Her dad died when she was very small and her Mum had to work two jobs to support her, whilst her Grandmother looked after her and ran a shop at the same time. Don't throw out a nice friendship because of this. My friend died a few years ago, and I'd love to have her back again.... lies and all. If you feel you can, you could say what her husband had said, but I wouldn't bother.
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