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Newborn first night HELP

(54 Posts)
BakerlooLine Sun 12-Jul-20 02:26:42

Posting for traffic. Just came home with my newborn today. DH and I are both exhausted from no sleep for 3 nights in postnatal after a stressful c-section. (DH was allowed into hospital due to unusual medical conditions). DH was up all night last night so that I could finally get some rest. He has just fallen asleep even though he was worried about doing that.

Tonight baby wouldn't settle in next to me crib and is currently not latching either (am expressing for now) so I don't know how to comfort him. Have tried everything.

I managed to swaddle him (not up to arms/shoulders) in a muslin that smells familiar and after a couple of hours got him calm and sleeping in the next to me crib.

Now I'm lying here trying to stay awake as I'm scared in case I've done it wrong. I am terrified to switch off the light and go to sleep in case he stops breathing. I've realised that in postnatal one of us was always awake. Is it normal for the couple to both go to sleep? What if the baby doesn't wake up for feeds? Should i set an alarm? I can't believe I've never thought about this!

Sorry for all the questions but I didn't know I'd feel like this. I'm lying here trying to pinch myself to stay awake, with the bedside light on and watching the baby's breathing like a hawk.

OP’s posts: |
daytripper28 Sun 12-Jul-20 02:30:09

Is he in a cot/moses basket next to you?

youdialwetile Sun 12-Jul-20 02:30:16

Go to sleep. Baby will wake up when hungry.

MasterBruceBalloon Sun 12-Jul-20 02:30:17

Try and get some sleep - you need it and deserve it! Your baby will probably wake for a feed and you will hear him. If you want to set an alarm (if that helps you feel more in control) then do.

BakerlooLine Sun 12-Jul-20 02:32:45

A next to me crib next to the bed but it's on DH side because I can't sit up due to c-section so it's better to be his side till I recover

OP’s posts: |
chipmunkcalling Sun 12-Jul-20 02:33:37

Is the baby a good weight? Say about 6lb ish? If so, don't wake for a feed, unless it's more than 6 hours. Sleep whenever you can, even if it means shifts for the first few days. Look after yourself too. I had an emergency c section 14 weeks ago, it's hard going for the first few weeks, so try not to over do it or you'll end up making your recovery longer. Your baby will let you know what they need and when.

BakerlooLine Sun 12-Jul-20 02:34:04

Ok thanks. I'll allow myself to sleep, but I'll keep the light on and set an alarm.

OP’s posts: |
BakerlooLine Sun 12-Jul-20 02:35:00

Forgot to say baby is 8lb

OP’s posts: |
GarlicSoup Sun 12-Jul-20 02:37:25

Good advice from posters above, just wanted to say congratulations on your new baby flowers wishing you a speedy recovery from the cs.

Kudostoyou Sun 12-Jul-20 02:40:35

I remember being exactly the same as you with my first, I wish I had allowed myself to go asleep. Sleep you need it, baby will wake you smile

ChocolateBlock Sun 12-Jul-20 02:41:54

Oh I remember those days. Congratulations on your baby. Newborns are noisy. Not just awake when they are crying but they grunt and snuffle and make all sorts of strange noises in their sleep. Set an alarm if it will help you relax. If you want him to feed and he is sleepy then you can strip him and he'll love the skin on skin time too. You do need to sleep though so try get a couple of hours before the baby wakes again.

NoMoreReluctantCustodians Sun 12-Jul-20 02:45:47

I hope you can get some sleep

Congratulations flowers

Bellagio40 Sun 12-Jul-20 03:06:24

Congratulations on your precious baby. I was exactly the same as you. Terrified that if I went to sleep he would stop breathing and now he is 18 years old. Do go to sleep. Don’t set an alarm. He will wake you as soon as he is hungry.

Persipan Sun 12-Jul-20 03:13:26

No, you don't need someone to always stay awake. I'm a single parent of a baby; I'd be pretty stuffed if you did!

It's not unusual for you to be feeling hyper-vigilant right now - irritatingly, it makes it really hard to get to sleep even when you're exhausted. It will ease off and your gradually realise that some bit of your brain is staying attentive to your baby even when you're asleep.


OnceUponAFairyTime Sun 12-Jul-20 03:18:51

I had a night light on so I could see her but still sleep. I set an alarm but then I’m a heavy sleeper. The panic gets easier, the first night is scary.

SunshineLollipopsRainbow Sun 12-Jul-20 03:22:35

Congratulations on your new baby!
I felt exactly the same as you not too long ago, my little one is a few months old now though.
I slept with a small light on so I could see him easily and I set an alarm for feeding as well just in case... especially important with breast feeding to make sure your milk comes in!
Good luck and enjoy. Also wish you a speedy recovery.

Pegase Sun 12-Jul-20 03:26:10

You can set an alarm for every 3 or 4 hours if you have a sleepy baby. We had to for first week or son

Babyboomtastic Sun 12-Jul-20 03:35:26

Yes, of course you go to sleep if she's asleep. It's not sustainable, sensible or necessary to stay awake. You don't need an alarm - when hungry, or he needs you, he'll let you know! What I would suggest though is to keep nights pretty dark -it doesn't have to be pitch black, but just keep a very very low light on, light from the landing etc. It'll help him work out his days from his nights and it'll help you too.

You being awake, or setting an alarm, or keeping a light on, will not keep him breathing. You have to trust that his body knows what it's doing - remember, his heart has been beating for 9 months already, you just couldn't check on him all the time because he was inside you. But he's got this. There are things you can do -like following safe sleep guidance, but apart from that, things like staying awake are reassuring for your, but don't make things safer for him.
He's got this, and so do you.

And of course, big Congratulations :-)

Ps: try some form of rope ladder attached to the bed to help yourself sit up in the early days.

clockwatcher247 Sun 12-Jul-20 03:40:39

I agree completely with Bellagio40 except mine is 14 years old lol!

Scotmummy1216 Sun 12-Jul-20 03:47:27

What you are feeling is totally normal. I felt exactly same way after my first. You can sleep i know its hard but you will feel better. Get some rest and take care. It gets easier i promise.

Purpleartichoke Sun 12-Jul-20 03:49:37

Set an alarm and go to sleep. Baby will probably wake you before the alarm, but that way you have a guarantee.

mamalicious3030 Sun 12-Jul-20 04:03:29

My baby 2nd child) is 3 months but was premature so not much heavier than your little one and therefore all very fresh in my mind.
Firstly go to sleep. You need rest and you need to look after yourself for your milk to come in. It's ok for you both to sleep.
A newborn should certainly not go 4 hours without a feed. I was Told this by the special care staff.
Baby will be restless in the new crib because all of a sudden they have lots of space they are not used to. Swaddling is a good idea. Their arms should be well tucked in.

Congratulations on your baby. Look after yourself and allow yourself to heal. Sections are damn painful! So just delegate tasks and enjoy the baby cuddles. All the best. X

PineconeOfDoom Sun 12-Jul-20 04:09:26

Aww, go to sleep. Babies don’t suffer in silence to protect their parents if they are hungry. In the nicest way, they are selfish little buggers, they will make sure you know if they want something smile

Feyre Sun 12-Jul-20 04:32:54

Do you have a moses basket that is smaller than the next to me? My little one wouldn't settle in the next to me for first few weeks, but was fine in a smaller moses basket, think the next to me was too roomy for her.

It is so hard baby being next to DH too, I had a section too so had the same set up, and found it hard her not being next to me, was asking DH to check on her what felt like every couple of minutes!

As previous posters have said try and get some sleep flowers and congratulations!

Starface Sun 12-Jul-20 04:51:44

Congratulations on your gorgeous bunny baby!

Don't forget you have a ton of crazy hormones flying round your body right now - renowned for distorting perception and interfering with sleep. Drink water and lots of it. It will help milk production and flush through the toxins. Baby is knackered from the birth and the shock of coming into the world. It is common for babies to only eat a little and sleep even more than they do normally for the first few days. Things should pick up around days 3-5 and the HV will be out for a visit and weigh so significant weight loss will be picked up then. At 8lb, you have wriggle room.

Today, during the day, make the bed safe and get some skin to skin with your baby. Its blissful. You might nod off and bed is safer than sofa for this. It will help stimulate feeding. Just love in with your baby. It will be so so beneficial for all of you.

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