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To ask how the fuck you do it?

(157 Posts)
Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Jul-20 21:02:50

Im utterly exhausted. I’m barely keeping on top of anything and I don’t know how other people do it.

I work 4 days, DH works FT. Both have fairly responsible jobs but not ‘high flyers’. We’re both wfh and we have two DS - 7 & 2. 7yo has HFA. 2yo likely also has ASD. We had to abandon homeschooling - it was becoming traumatic. 2yo goes to CM Mon - Thurs which is the only bright point some days.

My house is a tip. My diet is a mess. My mental health is shot.

The kids are driving me absolutely mad - there are toys everywhere no matter how much they get taken upstairs. The laundry is making me cry (I’ve done 6 loads in the last 2/3 days).

My garden looks like a jungle.

I clean the kitchen about 3 times a fucking day.

I’m ready to cry.

During lockdown I’ve managed to lose 2 stone (much needed as I am morbidly obese) and I’m constantly trying to deckitter and sort through things but I can’t see an end. There’s always more. More of everything.

I want to run away. I want to go anywhere and be alone and not talk to anyone at all

I don’t know what I want from this thread. Sorry. It’s a ramble.

OP’s posts: |
Moomin12345 Sat 11-Jul-20 21:06:33

Stay strong. I recommend getting a weekly cleaner and making sure your husband pulls his weight.

binkyblinky Sat 11-Jul-20 21:09:02

You're not alone. I remember being a single mum to a 6 month old and a 20 month old, both who now have special needs (I always suspected it!) I worked full time as a police officer, I did it on my own. There were bad days, but good days always follow. Ask for help. Thinking of you xxxx

Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Jul-20 21:09:47

DH does to be fair, esp with the kids and he does ALL meals.

I do have a cleaner but we’ve not had her since lockdown. Maybe it’s time to have her back. It’s just tricky with us all in the house all the time.

OP’s posts: |
Nanalisa60 Sat 11-Jul-20 21:09:56

Get a cleaner and a gardener, if you feel the house is a real mess get a organiser in get the house sorted the get a cleaner every week.

moj1to Sat 11-Jul-20 21:11:11

Poor you OP. It does sound a lot. Congrats on losing 2 stone though!

Sounds like you have hit a wall and gone through it.

Could you afford a cleaner?

Could you tell you DH you are close to the brink of sanity and need to take action? Tomorrow - go for a long walk and just sit by yourself somewhere for hours?

Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Jul-20 21:11:56

binkyblinky

You're not alone. I remember being a single mum to a 6 month old and a 20 month old, both who now have special needs (I always suspected it!) I worked full time as a police officer, I did it on my own. There were bad days, but good days always follow. Ask for help. Thinking of you xxxx

Gosh!! That sounds so hard!

Thank you for your kind words. Some days are lovely but I always seem to end the day low.

OP’s posts: |
lockdownalli Sat 11-Jul-20 21:12:11

You are doing enough, more than enough.

Do you have enough money to throw at some of these problems?

Gardener just to come in and get garden back to manageable level?
Cleaner to come once a week?

Why are you doing so much laundry? Unless everything is actually dirty and marked it doesn't need washing after every use. Wash bed linen every fortnight. Towels once a week. Drop your standards and retain your sanity.

Well done losing weight, that's a major achievement.

Is DH pulling his weight around the house?

Aquamarine1029 Sat 11-Jul-20 21:12:12

I think you should sit down with your husband and talk through some strategies which will ease the chaos. A massive declutter is always a good first step.

eurochick Sat 11-Jul-20 21:13:51

Get the cleaner back as a first step. They were encouraged back to work by the govt weeks ago.

RandomMess Sat 11-Jul-20 21:13:59

Are you sticking to your working hours or have you slipped into doing more?

You need to be strict with your time keeping for your sanity. If your MH is collapsing and 2/3 days off work getting your house straightened would really help then do that.

eurochick Sat 11-Jul-20 21:14:03

Get the cleaner back as a first step. They were encouraged back to work by the govt weeks ago.

PumpkinPie2016 Sat 11-Jul-20 21:14:11

flowers for you OP.

It sounds like you have a lot on. Working from home with kids is no easy task, especially as it sounds as though both have some additional needs.

Firstly, as a teacher, please don't worry too much about home schooling. It really isn't the end of the world. If you can, try to do a bit of reading a few times a week -reading to your children can be just as powerful as them reading. It doesn't all have to be books either -read signs when out and about/labels on food packets etc. It all helps.

Same with number telling the time (if he can), weighing ingredients for cooking, counting money when shopping all helps.

Honestly, there will be many children who haven't done a lot of school work for a variety of reasons. As teacher's we are preparing for this for when we return in September.

You have lost two stone that's fantastic! Your diet can't be so terrible?

You mentioned your mental health? Can you and DH take turns to have some time out from the home/kids? Go for a walk/sit in the park or car and read a book/whatever helps.

Can you afford a gardener for a one off? They are working now -my husband has never been so busy. Ask on your local Facebook page for recommendations.

My house is also a tip so no advice there unfortunately. I am aiming to have a good tidy up/clear out over the coming weeks. Gradually does it I think.

RandomMess Sat 11-Jul-20 21:14:14

Are you sticking to your working hours or have you slipped into doing more?

You need to be strict with your time keeping for your sanity. If your MH is collapsing and 2/3 days off work getting your house straightened would really help then do that.

PositiveLife Sat 11-Jul-20 21:14:25

I lowered my expectations. I work full time in a job that is unnecessarily stressful. I also provide evening and weekend cover on a rota. 2 kids - one hardly goes to her Dad's. Suspect the other has some sort of autistic spectrum issues.

I think fuck it. They don't care if the house is a bit of a mess. It's not a 'normal' time. Stuff has to give.

When I'm covering weekends, I sling the hoover round. I put laundry on most days but as long as they don't completely run out of clothes I don't worry. I have too much takeaway because I don't have the energy to cook every day and juggle everything else.

Today, I let them sit on their computers all day. I hoovered this morning, emptied the dishwasher and put a load of laundry on. After that I read some of a book and had a 2 hour nap. I needed it.

onetwothreeadventure Sat 11-Jul-20 21:14:27

Second the cleaner. Mine returned recently and it's such a relief. The 4 hours they are here saves me about 10 hours of my time.

Can your DH take the kids out for a day on the weekend to give you some head space?

PumpkinP Sat 11-Jul-20 21:15:22

I’m a single mum to 4, ex absent, I gave up on home school a while ago as it was too hard, oldest has autism, awaiting diagnosis on other child. I never get a break. Your certainly not alone in finding life a struggle.

JuniLoolaPalooza Sat 11-Jul-20 21:16:27

Solidarity here. The flipping toys everywhere drove DP to lose it a bit tonight. I bagged a load up and hid them upstairs! Well done in the weight loss, mine is o ly going up.
I think everyone is struggling with it now. It's so hard with the kids home most of the time and trying to juggle it all.

RunningAwaywiththeCircus Sat 11-Jul-20 21:17:28

Could have written this. First, give yourself a break. Parenting is hard and ASC parenting is harder. (I speak from experience...)

Second, think you might be depressed? If so, see your GP.

Third, get a cleaner. It’s saved my marriage and stopped me feeling like a drudge. And a gardener if you can afford it.

Fourth, keep on top of chores with a rota of chores including EVERYONE in the house!

Fifth, Eleventy billion storage boxes for the toys. There will still be shit everywhere but it won’t look as bad.

Sixth, wine.

Immigrantsong Sat 11-Jul-20 21:23:07

OP well done on the weight loss, that's a fantastic achievement when so many gained weight.

In reg6to the house and the garden, would you be able to afford any help? You could get a local youth to come and cut the grass and a college student to clean or look af6the kids for you to clean.

Decluttering is the key to a tidy house. Be ruthless. Get everyone to pitch in and do it room by room. Look at clothes, shoes, toys and other belongings and be ruthless.

Donate or sell them but get them out.

Same with bric a brac and decorations. Big no nos. It's so easy to clean, clean surfaces without having to lift decorations.

Re food. What about gousto or hello fresh? This way you can cook some healthy recipes. Or do a meal plan that is composed of simple and no fuss meals that require very little: jacket potatoes or sweet potatoes with toppings of your choice, pasta with tomato sauce,minced meat, tuna, soups from frozen mixes, frozen fish fillets with microwaveable rice bags and veg...

Everything I have sought you is what I do. I am disabled, my kids exactly the same ages as yours. DH and I work full time. We literally cut corners in everything we can. Even send ironing out once or twice a month. Not done this during lockdown as we haven't used work clothes.

Don't compare yourself with anyone and seriously keep decluttering. Good luck.

Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Jul-20 21:23:56

Thank you all for your messages - it’s really kind flowers

DH does generally pull his weight - I think we’re feeling the stress of being home all the time and no cleaner. I’m going to message her tomorrow and talk to her about getting back. We’ve been a bit cautious as I have hypertension and asthma but if we’re careful it will be ok I think.

Laundry is a fucking chore and we create loads but no idea how - I really don’t have high standards!! I’m going to try to do a load a day and see if that makes it easier. I suppose DH is exercising every day so gym kit plus clothes might be making an impact...

A gardener - how the fuck did I not think of that??

I think maybe the biggest thing is the lack of alone time. I feel very very tightly wound all the time. My mood is very fragile and I have short temper.

Does that sound like I might need an increase in my ADs?

OP’s posts: |
beatrixpotterspencil Sat 11-Jul-20 21:26:10

is it a parent thing, needing a cleaner?
I'm sorry, this is not a funny question I'm being serious.
there's only me and DP, bog house, lots of crap to do, but it is fairly easy to clean up and stuff.

we do tend to live on the minimal side, so maybe that's it?

however, OP, you do sound run off your feet and exhausted, physically and maybe more importantly - mentally. I'd be interested in trying to find some space to be alone, quality time to do your own thing, creative, self pampering, reading, whatever suits you.

is there possibly a way to free up a few hours a week for yourself?
sometimes clutter is a mind thing, how we approach it, etc.

hope you get things in order. its a shitty time for most.flowers

beatrixpotterspencil Sat 11-Jul-20 21:26:37

big house haha. not bog house.

Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Jul-20 21:27:32

Honestly, just hearing I’m not alone is really helpful.

Thank you all.

OP’s posts: |
InvincibleInvisibility Sat 11-Jul-20 21:29:13

Be kind to yourself. Don't underestimate the impact of lockdown on every one in your family.

Just do what needs doing - ignore big projects (garden, decluttering) unless you're in the mood. Decluttering when you're in the mood for it is really uplifting. But right now you're using it as yet another stick to beat yourself with.

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