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Going behind my SIL's back?

(223 Posts)
UserLibra78 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:20:58

Long story short my OH and his two sisters were given his late mother's house. One of his sister is keen to sell, the other is thinking of keeping it to rent but is not capable financially. My OH and I are actually thinking of buying another house to rent so that in a couple of years time, our ds will be able to either stay/resell.

I spoke to my dad and he is adamant about not telling them and just deal with the estate agent. I am in two minds about it as my OH and his sisters are close and I hate to put him in the situation where he will feel like he is "betraying them". However if I were to tell them now that I am interested in buying the house, they will 100% turn around and say they have decided not to sell after all.

I am sure if my MIL is still alive she will not hesitate to sell it to me, so that we will keep it in the family. But since she is gone my SIL's, who are both very vocal and domineering, will not hesitate in demanding a higher price from me. The reason why I am keen on the house is that it in in perfect location, very good price to rent and my mil had look after the house. I am sure this house is a good investment and not expected to sell anytime soon should we bought it. We will be using my OH equity to tide over any unexpected shortfalls.

What do you guys think is the best way to approach this? Should I follow my dad and jus lt offer the market price? Or should I let them know I am interested at the risk of losing this house and incur a higher price tag?

Thanks

OP’s posts: |
VettiyaIruken Sat 11-Jul-20 12:26:07

How could you buy it without them knowing it's you? Won't your name be on the paperwork?

lyralalala Sat 11-Jul-20 12:32:23

That has to be your DH's call

If it will destroy relationships then it's not up to you and your Dad to ruin his relationship with his sisters (assume it's a joint purchase between you and DH)

UserLibra78 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:34:28

That's the thing. Eventually I will have to turn around and tell them I am the buyer, After they signed the paper so there's no going back, as per my dad.

I will be letting estate agent do all the work and not reveal till the end. It sounds really secretive and I hate it. On the other hand it will be the fairest way as they will not be sway by the fact that I am getting their mum's house.

OP’s posts: |
UserLibra78 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:36:01

lyralalala

That has to be your DH's call

If it will destroy relationships then it's not up to you and your Dad to ruin his relationship with his sisters (assume it's a joint purchase between you and DH)

Hi is not a joint purchase is mine (my dad is giving me the money).

OP’s posts: |
RedGirl99 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:36:49

Sorry, but this sounds like an awful idea and also your name will appear on paperwork a long time before you sign the contracts so I'm not sure how you would intend to keep it secret until then!

TitianaTitsling Sat 11-Jul-20 12:37:15

But you are not 'getting' it are you? Unless you are trying to buy under market value?

ChipotleBlessing Sat 11-Jul-20 12:37:38

This just isn’t possible. As soon as you agree the sale the estate agent will send a letter with both your names on. And if it is going to cause a load of family upset, just choose a different house.

Knittedfairies Sat 11-Jul-20 12:38:06

I think you need to let this house go and find another to buy; I can't see this situation ending well.

FieldOverFence Sat 11-Jul-20 12:39:05

Jesus no, why wouldn't you just tell them you want to buy ? I don't know why you would be so secretive ? If a SIL did that to me, I would never look at her the same, even if selling the house was ultimaately a good thing for everyone

Divebar Sat 11-Jul-20 12:39:49

Absolutely do not do this secretly.... I would hate that it’s so sneaky. Just buy another house and remove yourself from this equation.

Thesearmsofmine Sat 11-Jul-20 12:40:33

It sounds like a terrible idea and will cause fallouts between your DH and his family. Why can’t you look at buying a different house?

UserLibra78 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:40:59

ChipotleBlessing

This just isn’t possible. As soon as you agree the sale the estate agent will send a letter with both your names on. And if it is going to cause a load of family upset, just choose a different house.

That's the thing I want to buy my mother in laws house at the price they are willing to sell. That's the gist of it.

This is the house where my son has lots of lovely memory, and we would like to keep it and get tenants that will look after it ( which I can get) until my son can take over/sell (up to him).

It will be such a shame to sell it to an outsiders and lost forever

OP’s posts: |
PurpleButterflyAway Sat 11-Jul-20 12:41:04

Why would they be unhappy with you buying the house?

beautifulxdisasters Sat 11-Jul-20 12:41:06

Your name will be on all the paperwork way before anything is signed and sealed OP, this is a crazy idea sorry.

chinam Sat 11-Jul-20 12:41:16

I wouldn’t agree to this unless your DH is happy to do some irreversible damage to his relationship with his sisters. Also if you are married, will the house not be half your husbands regardless of fact your Dad is giving you money towards it?

PurpleButterflyAway Sat 11-Jul-20 12:41:32

And why is it not a joint purchase? Presumably your husband wants a home that he can say is his too?

Davodia Sat 11-Jul-20 12:42:56

They can’t decide not to sell. Your DH is entitled to have his share. If they want to keep the house they will have to buy him out. If they can’t buy him out they will be forced to sell.

Tell them that by selling to you they can achieve a quick sale that’s guaranteed not to fall through, and they won’t have to pay any commission to an estate agent. Or they can be awkward and sell it to someone else but they’ll end up with less in their pockets. Not selling isn’t an option.

Lightsareon Sat 11-Jul-20 12:43:50

No, sorry OP but that's a shit thing to think of doing and would have major repercussions for your DH's family relationships. Why would they not sell to you if you were honest and said you wanted to buy it? I kind of get it tbh, I would have felt weird about other family members buying my Nan's house after she died I think, it's bad enough seeing anyone new living there but at least it's no one I have to visit and see how everything's changed. Regardless of their reasons I couldn't cause that kind of upset for my DH, there are other houses.

Doggybiccys Sat 11-Jul-20 12:43:53

If you do this OP, there is likely to be a family rift that will never heal. Are you and DH prepared to be cut off from his family, cousins not to see each other etc. Wether your SILs would be grabby or not knowing it was you is irrelevant as far as the relationship would end up. Are you really prepared for that to happen? Also, if you are upfront and everyone CAN agree a fair price, it avoids you getting In A bidding war with other unknown potential buyers. I think you should be upfront and prepared to sell and split profit if they ask for silly money .

TidyDancer Sat 11-Jul-20 12:44:40

Considering it's your DH's family who will be impacted by this then it absolutely has to be his call, regardless of where the money is coming from. FWIW I think your plan is mad anyway. If you want you and DH to have the house, you need to be open from the start and take your chances as to whether your SILs will be funny about the price. Don't be underhand to attempt to get a bargain here. Irreparable harm will be caused to family relationships and it will be your fault.

RandomMess Sat 11-Jul-20 12:45:51

The only way to do it is for you and DH to buy the other 2 out. In reality it will just be you but that is the angle DH will need to take.

As you are married it would be part of the marital pot anyway.

GreenTulips Sat 11-Jul-20 12:45:54

Put in an offer or get your dad too.

I see no harm in offering to buy something they are selling

WorraLiberty Sat 11-Jul-20 12:46:09

This is the house where my son has lots of lovely memory, and we would like to keep it and get tenants that will look after it ( which I can get) until my son can take over/sell (up to him).

Your son didn't grow up in that house. Your son has't lost his mother.

Be upfront about what you want to do and listen to what they tell you.

It's not all about you and your son.

UserLibra78 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:47:25

Thanks for all your advice. If I let them know now:

1. They decided not to sell after all and get tenants in - best option as long as they keep it
2. They want a higher price from me - which knowing how much I want they will get, which i do not think is fair
3. Other sister that want to buy decided she has the money after all - toughest result I am not sure whether I want to fight her
4. There will be other houses but the main reason we toss and turn over this is because is my mil.

Guys will you suggest which is the best way to break the news to them

OP’s posts: |

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