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To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

(350 Posts)
RockingMyFiftiesNot Sat 11-Jul-20 11:57:33

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
Florence1960 Sat 11-Jul-20 11:59:50

That just won’t be a nice experience for you. I wouldn’t go.

LightDrizzle Sat 11-Jul-20 12:01:53

Don’t go. That isn’t workable for you. I wouldn’t go, I would be nice about it but I would decline.

Poppy2997 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:02:24

If she isn’t allowing others to use the loo she shouldn’t invite people over. I do get her anxiety but for me no toilet, no lunch!

We visit my gran in her garden. Usually me and oh are fine and not need to go but thankfully for dc she has a downstairs toilet right by her back for. It’s disinfected after!

I wouldn’t go!

Finfintytint Sat 11-Jul-20 12:03:46

If she’s not happy with you peeing on her lawn I wouldn’t visit.

TrickyKid Sat 11-Jul-20 12:04:39

Yanbu. She could just let you use the downstairs loo.

Ponoka7 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:05:08

That's ridiculous. A disinfectant spray could be used by each of you, after washing your hands.

I wouldn't go.

Dreeple Sat 11-Jul-20 12:05:24

She is not hospitable.

All I can suggest is show her a good example when she and others are at your place.

Dontforgetyourbrolly Sat 11-Jul-20 12:05:41

She's bonkers .
I did something similar a couple of weeks ago , I allocated my 2 friends their own hand towel and mini soap .
In the toilet I provided hand sanitizer and dettol wipes.
Your mate is weird .

Etinox Sat 11-Jul-20 12:05:45

Cheeky mare! She’s going to end up with 4 bottles of Prosecco!

Dontforgetyourbrolly Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:01

Unless she has a very compromised immune system or is planning to lick the toilet seat and floor as soon as you leave , the chances of catching covid are miniscule

RockingMyFiftiesNot Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:19

I'm inclined not to go but was looking forward to catching up with the others and had already accepted before I knew about the toilet situation. I might say I can't stay for long without a toilet so will decline the lunch invitation and pop in for a quick cuppa. I'm not tight but don't really want to spend upwards of a tenner on a bottle of Prosecco I can't drink and making a lunch contribution I'll be rushing.

OP’s posts: |
PineappleUpsideDownCake Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:30

I'm part of a group of friends doing garden visits without loo access. We just go before we go.

Id say you'll need the loo too soon but next time lets do your house?

HavingAMoan Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:38

I wouldn’t go.

It’s fine to be anxious, don’t then invite people for lunch.

Thecazelets Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:44

I couldn't possibly go to that either!

M0mmyneedswine Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:47

I would politely decline as i wouldnt be able to drink alcohol and not use the toilet

Smallsteps88 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:07:53

I agree OP. She hasn’t really considered her guests so it’s pretty poor hosting!

user1493413286 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:15

That’s cheeky; I wouldn’t be taking a bottle of Prosecco in that situation. Even without the while Prosecco thing I wouldn’t invite people to lunch at my house if I wasn’t happy with them using the toilet.

DartmoorChef Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:17

I wouldn't bother going. So long as you all wash hands after the loo and spray a bit of sanitiser on the door handles then the risk is so minimal. She's being a dick.

TheFormidableMrsC Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:25

That's madness! My stepmum has brought my 81 year old dad to have a cuppa in the garden and there is no way he could do the return journey without the loo. I just clean it afterwards. He's in the shield category and I am having chemo but we take very sensible precautions and that is really all you need to do. I'd decline under those circumstances or tell her you're taking a SheWee and you'll pee in her bushes instead 🤷🏻‍♀️

AriettyHomily Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:27

I wouldn't go.

Comefromaway Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:37

It’s up to you. Don’t go if you don’t want to adhere to her rules.

PineappleUpsideDownCake Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:44

Sorry seen update. If you drive you could go for an hour? I think it would be fine to say youd like to see them but will need the loo so wont stay too long.

Betty000 Sat 11-Jul-20 12:08:45

I couldn’t go for lunch somewhere where I wasn’t allowed to use the loo, don’t go but explain why.

Viviennemary Sat 11-Jul-20 12:09:37

Another person being a total idiot. What is wrong with these people. Just decline. I wouldn't even give a reason.

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