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AIB a spoilt brat, or are my parents crazy? Or both?

(213 Posts)
Oakmaiden Sat 11-Jul-20 10:22:23

I haven't seen my parents since February. I do miss them, but if I am completely honest it is not unusual for me not to see them between Feb half term and the summer holidays, as we are often busy during Easter and May half term, and they live about 4 hours drive away. Now that I am allowed to drive more than 5 miles (I live in Wales) they are very keen for me to travel down and stay with them for a few days.


My dad has a lung disease, and is still shielding. So if I go down to stay I will not be allowed in the house at all. I will sleep in a tent in the garden, use an outside bucket and tap to wash and will use a porta potty in the shed for the "necessaries". All food and socialising will be done outside.

I could live with the tent, and if it is only a couple of days I could live with the tap and bucket, but the portapotty is the thing of nightmares. I am, and always have been, really funny about toilets. And I have a complete phobia about spiders and long legged insects (I am better than I was, but it is still there). That said, I do go camping and the facilities there are sometimes not the nicest (understatement). I get around this by using supermarket toilets/pub toilets during the day and evening, and only using the campsite toilet in an absolute emergency. And it makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I do do it.

I have said I am going to wait until I can go in the house and use their loo before I come down. And they are disappointed. And I feel like a right prima donna. But I also know that the whole toilet thing will genuinely make me really uncomfortable and possibly give me actual nightmares. (Yes, I do have nightmares about having to use unpleasant toilets. Go figure.)

Am I being a right brat?

OP’s posts: |
foamrolling Sat 11-Jul-20 10:24:58

Your parents are crazy. Could you not stay in a hotel? If they're that desperate to see you could they contribute to the cost of it?

DonLewis Sat 11-Jul-20 10:25:58

No, you're not. Ive reached an age now where I'm totally comfortable saying no thanks to camping or any other sleeping arrangement where its not ensuite.

Shame though, because you'd like to see them and they'd like to see you. Could you just do one night as a compromise? Do they have a downstairs loo that you could use if everyone else is elsewhere in the house while you go to and from? And clean it all afterwards?

Ricekrispie22 Sat 11-Jul-20 10:26:46

I wouldn’t enjoy using a portapotty, but I’d probably do it if I hadn’t seen them in 6 months. For me, the joy of spending time with my parents outweighs the pain of a portapotty.

JesusInTheCabbageVan Sat 11-Jul-20 10:26:48

Your parents are...strange.

MzHz Sat 11-Jul-20 10:27:35

Don’t blame you! If there is no accommodation for you, no Airbnb or a hotel, it’s not being a brat, it’s the fact you’re driving 4 hours to basically crap in a bucket!

They couldn’t come to you I suppose because of the shielding. I can’t see the situation changing much too soon...

It’s a shame but their solution only works for them and that’s a bit selfish

milienhaus Sat 11-Jul-20 10:28:25

I would not do that, I don’t think you’re a brat! Is there a B&B or something hearty instead?

Napqueen1234 Sat 11-Jul-20 10:28:25

Your parents are batshit crazy. I wouldn’t do that. Stay in a hotel if you can or invite them to stay in a hotel near you (I doubt they would as they sound V anxious). But don’t feed bad that’s insane. Washing in a cold bucket horrifies me more to be honest!

Mrsjayy Sat 11-Jul-20 10:28:57

What are the y on about porta potty and tent hmm just say you will visit when dads sheilding is over.

Oakmaiden Sat 11-Jul-20 10:29:22

I don't think hotels are open yet, are they?

OP’s posts: |
HappyHammy Sat 11-Jul-20 10:29:47

If you must go then stay in a hotel if you can . Who wants to wash in cold water and poo in the shed. What happens if its raining or windy. I would wait until shielding advice changed.

Peanutbutteryogurt Sat 11-Jul-20 10:29:47

That is a bonkers idea.

foamrolling Sat 11-Jul-20 10:31:13

I thought they were but no public facilities open so you'd have to eat in your room or whatever.

Mrsjayy Sat 11-Jul-20 10:33:46

You can use sheilders bathrooms in Scotland is it different in Wales or has the parents just made up their own rules?

HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight Sat 11-Jul-20 10:33:56

Do they live in Wales or England OP, it will make a huge difference in terms of local amenities

TheVanguardSix Sat 11-Jul-20 10:34:42

Oh no. It's just not a decent visit, is it? That's a piss take. No no no. I know your dad is shielding and all of that but no. I'd be sticking to Facetime until I could have a proper hug with you and give you a warm bed, a hot plate, and the best seat at my table (if you were my DD). flowers

Stirmecrazy Sat 11-Jul-20 10:34:56

This is crazy. It’s like a really bad sitcom idea. I have visions of you stuck outside in the pouring rain staring into their living room window as they lounge on their couch. The answer to this is obviously a big no. Get a hotel if you can or wait until shielding is over

Onthedancefloor Sat 11-Jul-20 10:35:00

Hotels are open in England.

rainbowstardrops Sat 11-Jul-20 10:35:02

I wouldn't use a porta potty in a shed either because I'm terrified of spiders too. As you don't mind the camping aspect, are there any campsites nearby with better facilities and you just go and visit them each day?

It seems a bit weird to invite you but banish you totally to the garden!

So if it rains, are they going to shout to you from their door?!!! grin

SusanneLinder Sat 11-Jul-20 10:35:34

Shielding will be relaxed on 31st July, just tell them you'll wait till then. I am a seasoned camper and enjoy it, but I still wouldn't be using a sodding portapotty or doing without a shower.Just no...
Actually, not sure about England/Wales, but in Scotland, shielders can visit family ( outside) and can use toilets inside.
My daughters visit ( garden only) and DH is shielding. We follow the rules but if they come here, they use the loo, wash their hands and then they clean it ( or I do).
But I'd still wait till shielding up.

bestbefore Sat 11-Jul-20 10:36:11

as an example, here's an update from premier inn

mum11970 Sat 11-Jul-20 10:36:27

Yes hotels are open, both in England and Wales.

Winter2020 Sat 11-Jul-20 10:36:47

travelodge/ premier inn/ b&b/ air b&b/ caraval site...
no to porta potty!

Oakmaiden Sat 11-Jul-20 10:37:40

They live in England. But they are concerned about my father's health, and I respect that.

Hotel is an excellent idea. I will suggest that to them.

OP’s posts: |
gavisconismyfriend Sat 11-Jul-20 10:39:58

They are being unreasonable.

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