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To think this is a weird, oddly specific and controlling request from ex

(95 Posts)
Musereader Fri 10-Jul-20 19:59:19

My sister split up with her husband early this year and for reasons communication from stbx to DC is by video and audio message.

The end of one audio message is "I have bought you presents, but first i need to see a happy video from all of you (DC names) all of you saying that you are happy that you are going to get presents and once I see the video I will (send them to you)"

Sis did not play this part of the message to the DC as she did not want to make them beg and instead sent stbx videos of DC playing and saying love you to daddy.

Stbx sent another message saying love you back and talking about the videos that were sent and at the end he says " I asked (last time) and I am waiting for your video saying that you do want presents from daddy because I've got some presents for you (vague description of presents - a large one small one fun one ect) can you send me a video saying yes daddy yes I'm happy that you want to give me presents and I want them, when I see this I will give them to you"

Is this controlling and my sister right to not play these or are we being unreasonable to think so?

OP’s posts: |
Dmacka75 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:01:49

Its horribly controlling and there is no way I would show that to the DCs or comply with his request!

MidnightCitrus Fri 10-Jul-20 20:02:07

the fucker is controlling - tell him, if he wants to send gifts, then send them.

if they are wrapped, she will unwrap with them on the next video call

Penhaligon Fri 10-Jul-20 20:04:15

It's controlling and a power trip.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Fri 10-Jul-20 20:04:25

Controlling. Is she saving the messages? Like downloading them somewhere and not just leaving them on messenger or whatever? Could be excellent evidence if she needs it at a later stage.

Billyjoearmstrong Fri 10-Jul-20 20:05:10

Bloody hell, what Is wrong with him? Absolute twat.

ImaginaryCat Fri 10-Jul-20 20:05:39

That is supremely fucked up and yes, one of the most controlling things I've heard. Do not play that shit to the kids, they don't want or need his presents.

CodenameVillanelle Fri 10-Jul-20 20:06:39

That is so creepy and horrible. Your sister should simply not engage.

gamerchick Fri 10-Jul-20 20:08:26

Not a chance I would play along with that.

Send a message back saying that they can be unwrapped and videoed if he wants but that's it. Then ignore any more. He can stick his presents.

VeniceQueen2004 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:08:26

Do the reasons behind the video and voice message contact also prohibit him from sending them gifts by any chance? (I'm thinking access restricted due to abuse basically). Just wondering if he is aiming to cover his arse from acting in contempt of a court ruling. But I may be waaaay off base.

MsVestibule Fri 10-Jul-20 20:08:34

That is seriously strange. When phone/FaceTime/Skype is fee and easy to use, why can they can only communicate by recorded message? Is it court ordered? I'm taking a wild guess that this isn't the first time he's exhibited controlling behaviour...

MojoJojo71 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:10:38

Fuck that! What a weirdo

I’d just tell him to either send them or don’t send them but hell would freeze over before I’d make my kids perform to order for him

narrowboatgirl Fri 10-Jul-20 20:11:53

It’s like a line from a horror film.

redwinefine Fri 10-Jul-20 20:12:04

That's absolutely disgusting. Your sister is right not to show them how truly awful their df is

pointythings Fri 10-Jul-20 20:13:06

That's hideously controlling, your Dsis is completely right not to collude in it. Presents are nowhere near as important as the DCs wellbeing and having mindgames played by your dad is really unhealthy.

Sunnydayshereatlast Fri 10-Jul-20 20:13:54

Send the twisted fucker a gift from the dc. An empty box.
Imagine his face thinking he was worth something.

PeppermintPasty Fri 10-Jul-20 20:16:10

Wowsers, hideously controlling. Fuck him and his presents, what a creep.

Gemma2019 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:16:39

He obviously thinks your sister either won't give them the gifts or will try to pass them off as from her, so is setting the kids up to expect them from him. Twisted bastard.

MitziK Fri 10-Jul-20 20:17:00

Fuck that. Get them excited about getting presents, perform for him and then he has the ability to say in the next message 'you're not getting them because [add something shit about Mummy]'

SayakaMurata Fri 10-Jul-20 20:18:24

That is extremely weird. I would definitely not agree to do this.

BeanbagMcTavish Fri 10-Jul-20 20:24:01

Eeew, creepy. There is no possible good reason for this and the kids need to be protected from this manipulation (and from him).

Musereader Fri 10-Jul-20 20:26:44

She does have a non molestation order on him, but only relates to harrassment from him. He can and has sent presents to the house before and has had a live streamed gift reveal (though he tried to cover it up he was suprised they were not wrapped and did not seem sure which one was for which child)

She requested and got the non mol and he has contested it, the contestation court date has been delayed to later in the year.

He was having in person contact supervised by our dad, but he managed to offend our dad that he refused to supervise anymore and sis will not see him. He has repeatedly been told to apply for a child arrangements order but keeps claiming that he didn't know he had to.

OP’s posts: |
echodot Fri 10-Jul-20 20:28:39

Sounds like he has a GF on the wings so he can play her these videos

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood Fri 10-Jul-20 20:31:44

God yes very controlling and creepy.

bonjonbovi Fri 10-Jul-20 20:32:50

I would reply to him with one word.


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