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To be annoyed that ex won't have child while on furlough

(137 Posts)
Systemrelevant Thu 09-Jul-20 12:32:54

11yo DS hasn’t seen his dad since lockdown began in March. Exh said it was to reduce any risk of spread (we are all low risk and healthy). Then he was furloughed not long after but just kept saying “no, I’m still on furlough” when I asked if he was having him this weekend.

We are now in July and I’ve done all the home schooling with zero input while working - I asked him to buy printer ink and he “couldn’t afford”. I even asked him to come sign a form and drop it into son’s new school for me as I'm working full time and home schooling so couldn't work out when to do it, his reply “I’m sure you’ll work something out.”

I’ve just messaged him to ask if he’s still having DS for his holiday in August, whether they actually go or not, and he replied “I don’t know yet, I’m still on furlough.”

Wouldn’t mind so much if he hadn’t spent five years taking me to court and costing me thousands in actually getting contact in the first place!

OP’s posts: |
Delbelleber Thu 09-Jul-20 12:35:02

Yanbu. What an ass hole!

Stompythedinosaur Thu 09-Jul-20 12:36:31

What a colossal dickhead. I've no idea why he wouldn't at least be having his usual contact, furlough is hardly an excuse. Very hurtful for your dc.

StCharlotte Thu 09-Jul-20 12:36:59

Does he know what furlough is actually for?

GreenTulips Thu 09-Jul-20 12:37:19

Yep he’s an asshole.

I’d stop contacting him and leave him to ask.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Thu 09-Jul-20 12:38:22

Urgh what a waste if space.

I'd probably reply "oh, I must have misunderstood - I thought furlough meant time off from paid work, not time off from parenting...whoopsie, how silly of me to think that you would want to use any of your spare time to see your child"

Itwasntme1 Thu 09-Jul-20 12:43:52

It sounds like he is an absolute waste of space. Have you asked him to explain why being on furlough impacts on his ability to be a parent?

There probably isn’t much you can do to make him become a decent parent. Your poor son.

Has his dad spoken to him, has he explained why he can’t see him?

EasyPeasyHappyCheesy Thu 09-Jul-20 12:48:01

Im really curious what link he sees in his mind between furlough and not being able to take care of his dc. I woke have said he is more available

Systemrelevant Thu 09-Jul-20 12:49:17

No he's made no attempts to contact him at all. Early days I was suggesting using my phone if he fancied a face time or something instead and he said he'd let me know. He's missed both DC birthday during lockdown (DD is no contact anyway but he does usually send a token gift to pretend he's making an effort.)

Oh I forgot this too...

DS made him a Father's Day card, I drove him over to give it to him, he answered the door and just said thank you and closed the door again. Zero attempt at any conversation. DS just stood there like wtf?!

OP’s posts: |
Systemrelevant Thu 09-Jul-20 12:50:57

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz love it! He's taken me back to court for less in the past though so 🤷‍♀️

OP’s posts: |
AryaStarkWolf Thu 09-Jul-20 12:51:16

what a cunt, I'd just stop contacting him, your poor son though

JontyDoggle37 Thu 09-Jul-20 12:52:40

Reply: you’re not on furlough from being a parent. Sort it out.

alwaysthinkingofsleep Thu 09-Jul-20 12:53:18

Is he saying he's on furlough from being a Dad?!? What a knob

abstractprojection Thu 09-Jul-20 12:54:37

No doubt once he fancies contact again you’ll have to dance to his tune or face court again, and as for your poor DC. You have my wholehearted sympathies OP this is dreadful!

Tess3 Thu 09-Jul-20 12:55:20

No words.. other than your poor son!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Thu 09-Jul-20 12:56:28

He can't take you to court for a text message! And you're not withholding your son.

Systemrelevant Thu 09-Jul-20 12:57:34

@abstractprojection yes this exactly! DS has got used to not going now, is much happier and calmer but if I was the one who turned round and said he doesn't fancy coming on holiday now...

OP’s posts: |
icedaisy Thu 09-Jul-20 12:57:54

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz exactly. I would send that message.

You could take him to court for failure to adhere to court order. It was made very clear contact was to continue during lock down where at all possible.

He is ridiculous.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 09-Jul-20 12:58:03

Utter twat. I hope you’re keeping a written record so next time he takes you to court you can show how little he wants the contact he’s fought for.

Your poor DS.

Clartymidden Thu 09-Jul-20 12:58:51

What an absolute twat he is.

Keep all messages OP. I feel sad for your son but you're doing everything you can. Whilst not nice for your son he will grow up seeing that its his dad who is the arsehole in all of this.

Systemrelevant Thu 09-Jul-20 12:59:36

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I think the most silly reason I was taken to court for was not informing him it was a snow day, and I went to work instead, meaning he had to keep DS.

OP’s posts: |
GroggyLegs Thu 09-Jul-20 13:00:55

Your poor DS is old enough to pick up that his dad is actively avoiding him. Especially after father's day.

How does he feel about it all?
Does he even want to see this feckless person?

frustrationcentral Thu 09-Jul-20 13:00:58

Jeez what a dick! Do you think he's got furlough and shielding mixed up? Clutching at straws there..

Ch0colatecake Thu 09-Jul-20 13:03:20

Systemrelevant I’d do what greentulips has said, stop contacting him and leave him to it.

Tinamou Thu 09-Jul-20 13:03:27

Wtf? What does he think that furlough means??

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