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To find this GP really distasteful?

(87 Posts)
DriftGames Thu 09-Jul-20 08:44:12

I found out last night that I'm pregnant. Unplanned, unexpected as EBF 8mo & on the pill. DH and I have chosen to terminate for many reasons which are right for our family. I'm upset, we both are, but this is what's right for us.

I called my GP this morning, gave my details etc and she mentioned that I'd only recently had a baby, to which I replied yes, she's 8mo. The GP then used the phrase "that's a bit of a bummer"!!

It really got to me. Yes, it is, of course it is, and I feel awful for having to do this but it's what's right for me. Had she have said that to someone who's not so sure or was really struggling with their decision, I imagine it could be really difficult to hear!

AIBU to think she was really distasteful in saying this?

OP’s posts: |
ThePlantsitter Thu 09-Jul-20 08:45:48

Honestly, I think it was just sympathy. Like saying 'oh, bad luck.' sorry you're having a difficult time though. flowers

ButtWormHole Thu 09-Jul-20 08:47:00

I think it’s sympathy rather than distasteful. Sorry for your difficult time x

ICouldBeTheOne Thu 09-Jul-20 08:47:55

I wouldn't think too much about it.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 09-Jul-20 08:48:00

Sounds like slightly clumsy sympathy to me too.

MrsEricBana Thu 09-Jul-20 08:48:36

Yes agree she was trying to sympathise.

Isadora2007 Thu 09-Jul-20 08:48:48

No I don’t think that was distasteful. I think it hurt because the situation hurts. And I’m sorry you’re hurting, but trying to push that onto what the GP said isn’t the answer. flowers

EatsShootsAndRuns Thu 09-Jul-20 08:48:55

I agree with @ThePlantsitter it was just sympathy. It's a difficult decision you've made so you're bound to be feeling sensitive but I don't think the GP meant anything other than sympathy.

Bobbiepin Thu 09-Jul-20 08:49:59

Unfortunately it wasn't the right phrase to use but nothing anyone can say right now will be the "right" thing to say. I'm sorry you have to deal with this flowers

Alb1 Thu 09-Jul-20 08:52:56

Sounds like she was sympathetic, I don’t think it’s distasteful at all to be honest.

karala Thu 09-Jul-20 08:53:53

I think she was trying to be sympathetic too - flowers

pickingdaisies Thu 09-Jul-20 08:54:33

I think it was just showing sympathy too. An honest, human response to your situation. Maybe you'd have appreciated a little more professional distancing though. So a bit insensitive maybe, but not distasteful.

Disfordarkchocolate Thu 09-Jul-20 09:06:47

I thought it was sympathy to, perhaps a little less formal than some but it depends on how they normally are with you.

Chloemol Thu 09-Jul-20 09:08:09

Yabu, she was only trying to sympathise with you.

Coffeecak3 Thu 09-Jul-20 09:10:07

I think your gp was being genuinely sympathetic She could have said ‘What a very difficult situation for both you and your dh.’
And not meant a word of it.

Whatisthisfuckery Thu 09-Jul-20 09:16:51

It is a bummer though isn’t it? Contraception failure resulting in you having to terminate a pregnancy when you still have an infant at home sounds like a right bummer. I can’t imagine you are delighted about the situation. It’s a clumsy turn of phrase and one I wouldn’t have chosen but I think it was safe to assume that, yes, it is a bummer.

Ughmaybenot Thu 09-Jul-20 09:18:50

YABunderstandablyU. She was sympathising with you, albeit a little informally, but given how upset you’re feeling, nothing would sound right to you.

icedaisy Thu 09-Jul-20 09:20:16

It's like some people have lost all people skills during this pandemic.

I'm pregnant. I have Dd 18 months. Prior to that we had four failed IVF cycles and many, many losses.

I had my telephone midwife appointment last week and twice she said to me

Was it planned because the timing isn't ideal??

Seriously, with my history and background and she KNOWS this.

namesnames Thu 09-Jul-20 09:23:16

It sounds like she was trying to be sympathetic , albeit informally.

Monkeynuts18 Thu 09-Jul-20 09:28:24


😱 what do you think she meant by that?! Do you think she meant because of the pandemic or because there’s only a small age gap between your children? Either way I think that’s a totally unacceptable comment!

NorthernBirdAtHeart Thu 09-Jul-20 09:28:25

Sorry you’re going through this, horrible situation for all, but no, I don’t think it was distasteful, agree with pp, it sounds like they were trying to be sympathetic. Good luck.

icedaisy Thu 09-Jul-20 09:31:45

@Monkeynuts18 could have Been either. I was so taken aback I couldn't process it. I did mention it at scan to different midwife as was so upset.

A case of know your audience perhaps.

Clumsy whatever it was. sad

LEELULUMPKIN Thu 09-Jul-20 09:32:04


woollyheart Thu 09-Jul-20 09:34:27

Most people would take this as showing sympathy. From what you have said, it is all very upsetting for you and she agrees. What is clumsy about that?

PerditaProvokesEnmity Thu 09-Jul-20 09:37:00

Actually, I agree with you OP - a telephone consultation that is obviously difficult for the patient is completely the wrong time for the GP to be exercising her right to use slang. She should have expressed her sympathy through much more professional language.

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